How did you manage to live independently?

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My home life had always been chaotic (alcoholic single parent mom, poverty, having to live with friends' families after we were evicted three times, etc.), so for me, moving out was never a choice: either I got out or I chose 24/7 misery. I also didn't know there was anything "wrong" with me -- I knew I was odd and eccentric, but had no label that might have changed my perspective on my ability to do 'grown up' things. Also, I'm hellaciously stubborn.

I was 24 when I moved out, two years after I graduated college -- it took that long to save money because, for stretches of time, I would be the sole source of income in my mom's home (she had the charming habit of getting fired or to just stop showing up to her various temp jobs). And because of that, and because she's clingy, I didn't tell her until a week before the move. As in: this is happening, get used to it.

I really didn't know what I was doing -- this was all before it was easy to find 'how to' info on the Internet -- so I just winged a lot of it. Dial the utility, follow the instructions to start a new account, talk to the person, answer questions. Lather, rinse, repeat. The step-by-step nature of those processes was very helpful.

The more I was able to accomplish -- and to accomplish easily and quickly and without embarrassment -- the easier it was to do the next thing. I became less and less intimidated by all the chores and duties life throws at us. Soon, my attitude became, "Really? Is that all you got?" when something went wrong. I find joy in solving problems, so that's also been helpful. I can take on the worthless swine at AT&T and their frequent attempts to overcharge me and/or rip me off without blinking -- that's some serious progress.

For me, it became: my childhood was a mess, I don't want that. I will do everything to avoid that. I will learn whatever it takes to avoid that.

Independence was taught and promoted to me very early in life and even though Mum wanted me to go into a care type house when I first left home so I could make the transition into independence with some assistance, her ultimate goal was to ensure that I was able to live and function independently, the care type house situation didn't actually happen but I did live in some youth hostels that were a bit on the rough side (I got assaulted in the first week) but it didn't take long at all for me to reach full independence and I achieved this at 17.

It's had some ups and downs over the years but overall I have managed very well according to Mum and my father (who I've recently come back into contact with) also supports this.

I am aware that some families of people with Autism, AS and the like tend not to let their loved ones go out on their own as they fear that the person cannot manage due to being immature, socially naieve or whatever. While I can to the best of my ability understand their fears and concerns in reality it really doesn't help the person with ASD to learn to manage on their own and when the time does come for them to move out they wouldn't have a clue on what to do as the transition was harder than necessary not to mention what kind of mess they'd be if their families either die off or move on with their lives without them, how do such people survive on their own after being held back and relying on their families??

These families think they're caring for their loved one and doing them a favour but in fact they really aren't, they're holding them back and indirectly and in most cases unintentionally setting these people up for a fall.

My view is teach ANY child how to independent as early as possible so you will have a strong survivor who is self assured and not some scared p*ss weak little wimp who'll rely on you for the rest of his or her life because they don't know how to manage on their own. It's important for their own good as well as yours!!

S

Hmm, good question DuneyBlues. Everyone has different skills & levels of comfort in taking on independence, so it's a good idea to develop some skills in areas you're not so experienced in, which could be anything from cooking meals to doing laundry, handling money & sticking to a budget, getting a bank account sorted if you've not already, get comfortable with travelling independently, get routine sorted for personal & house cleaning, list all the routine checkups you need (docs, dentists, optician etc), list them on a calender/gadget of your choice.

If that's not the sort of thing you were asking, hmm, i'd say moving out in 'phases' is good. If you can share with others at college who you get along with you can share the 'learning to do things for yourself' experience & support each other. If you move back home for periods eg Summer hols then that makes it a more gradual process rather than all-or-nothing & means you don't have to move all your belongings out of your home room all at once (important if you haven't got much storage space). So a phased approach might be good for you, to give you confidence but give you a fallback option if things don't go to plan (it's life, so it rarely goes to any sort of 'plan'). I wish you well in your aims

I didn't have much of a choice.

My mom got married and moved out.

It's depressing to think it should have been the other way around.

I was raised to always look after my bills and mind my credit report, know how to do household chores, be able to do some basic cooking, and generally take care of myself even though I relied heavily on my parents while I was living at home. To me, this is what is required in order to live independently. Everything else is the mush that fills in the gaps and makes up the rest of life, but it's not exactly pertinent to the idea of "living independently." Having friends, for instance, is not pertinent, but being able to communicate with employers is if you have to rely on a job for income. Even now I've been attending a self-defense class so that I can feel more secure in my physical safety as part of being able to take care of myself. It's not required, but every bit of knowledge and training I get means the more confident I am and the less I have to rely on others.

I am for the idea that even living with your parents or other adults does not mean that you are not living independently. Living independently means being able to take care of yourself, your belongs, your safety and well-being. After I moved out the first time at age 18 because I didn't know how to confront my dad following me around and not giving me my independence, I eventually moved back in with my parents, but the second go-round they respected me as being independent and were there as support rather than there as caretakers. Even though I was living with my parents for another ~7years, I still felt that I was living independently, but with strong financial support from my parents while I attended college. They didn't charge me anything for rent because they knew I was working and going to school and paying those bills along with my car and insurance payments without asking them for their help. I was able to slack off on chores, because they let me, but I still knew how to do them and tried to help out whenever I had the motivation to do so.

Motivation and responsibility for self are the biggest things. You can live independently and be neat and careful and mindful, or you can live independently and live like a slob who eventually files for bankruptcy because you didn't manage your money correctly. I've always been mindful of my money, but my living space sometimes suffers when I get lazy, and then I end up with baskets of laundry and stacks of papers and dirty dishes flooding my living areas. At least I can look at that and say that I have only myself to blame, and that's part of living independently as well.

I've been living on my own permanently since about 1999.Was living with parents before that,I have never lived in a share house or ever had a flatmate.I dont think that i would have been able to live with someone who wasn't family.I am at the moment living in a flat from the state housing athority,would be the same as a council house/flat for those of you from the UK.My rent isnt too much, only a percentage of my after tax income.so Im able to pay all my own bills have never been in debt or bankrupt.I did have to wait for 4-5 ys before i got this home I'm in now though.i'm lucky that I have good neighbours ,someone that I can talk to if I need someone to talk to[not that I do all the time though]My parents now live about an hours drive away from me so I cant see that often anymore.

I moved out 2 years ago (at age 22) when I started my computer science education... main reason was that the school was 50 kms away... a good 1½ hour drive each way, so seeing fuel was and is expensive it paid off to move to where I am now.
Bills are no biggie, as most of them are paid off automatically by the bank each month (rent, cellphone, internet) while the rest (electricity, media license) gets done right after I get them out of the mailbox. I also had some issues with tax last year, causing me some budget problems, but I look forward to getting some money back in April when that's done

The main problem is that I have a few issues prioritizing my time (I use my time on programming and work rather than cleanup etc.), but otherwise I have no problems living on my own... It's rather the bigger things that plague me, the important decisions that need taking care of, but also when too many things are happening at once...

So right now i'm laying down the foundation for my game company, working hard on a game, keeping up social relations, finding a new apartment 200 miles away (I have to move out this summer) while dealing with the fact that my parents are moving to Germany... No one said life is easy

I chose to move 200 miles closer to the German border mainly because most of my family and friends reside in southern Jutland, and I don't feel ready to be so far from them yet, so part of living on your own is also to listen to your own instincts and the fact that you are and aren't ready to seperate from your family.

My parents were very supportive with me moving out, and have helped me greatly since then, plus I know I have the option to move in with them again if everything should turn to s**t, plus they have offered a good deal of financial support when I needed it.