How did you manage to live independently?

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How did you crawl out of your parents arms , and walk into independency?

Could you please explain , I don't want to end up the same way. Could you provide tips?

My plan is poor at this stage in life but I'm still too young , I plan on moving to academia with a PhD in Computational Geometry.

A lot of people at colleges are aware of dealing with autism (and Asperger's syndrome; I will refer generally to the autism spectrum) in their "special needs" programs. The more complex reality is that there is a lot more autism in higher education than most of us realize. It's not just "special needs" students but also our valedictorians, our faculty members, and yes —sometimes- our administrators. That last sentence is not some kind of cheap laugh line about the many dysfunctional features of higher education. Autism is often described as a disease or a plague, but when it comes to the American college or university, autism is often a competitive advantage rather than a problem to be solved. One reason American academe is so strong is because it mobilizes the strengths and talents of people on the autistic spectrum so effectively. In spite of some of the harmful rhetoric, the on-the-ground reality is that autistics have been very good for colleges, and colleges have been very good for autistics.

My dad was smart. He lovingly gave me the boot when I finished high school. Said, "Well, I've done my job. You're welcome home any time you want to visit, you can always call me if you've got a problem or you want to talk, but you're 18. You're moving out."

It was probably a good thing.

Then again, maybe not.

I was lonely, I made a lot of stupid decisions, I was scared, I married young.

Have a plan, but don't be in a hurry. Unless you're in a psychotically abusive situation, there are worse things than living at home.

I moved away from my parents when I was 23. I suppose it could have gone much worse than it went. My mother was extreamly overprotective and pretty much did everything for me. Thankfully I had spent a university semester abroad the year before I moved out. In a way, the months spent in Germany taught me all the the practical skills I needed to live independently. Yes, I made mistakes and my diet was very restricted on the days when I didn't eat in the university cafeteria, but I survived it. When I moved into my own apartment next summer, my mother was really worried but I knew I could live independently. There were a few years when I often got into situations that were dangerous (too much alcohol, self-harm etc) but when I was about 26-27 I finally started to learn what was good for me and what wasn't. Sure, I still don't clean often enough for my asthma and I'm a terrible cook, but I couldn't imagine living with my parents again.

I'm still not financially independent, but moving out was really great for me, and I was quite looking forward to it. Doing it in relatively small steps made it easy. Also, everywhere I went I always made sure to have one person that lived close by I could rely on in case I got in "trouble" - either a roommate, friend, or landlord.

My first year out was in a kind of posh dorm and the other girls there taught me how to wash/iron, cook and do other practical stuff. Cleaning and bills came later when I moved out and shared the flat with a classmate, who had basically my same standards regarding eating, cleaning and cohabitation rules. Now I've been living by myself in a studio apartment for 2+ years and it's the best for me because I can organize my routines thoroughly and keep everything as clean as I need it to be. Every time I go home for holidays it's a struggle because nothing is ever planned, meals don't have the right nutrient balance, things change place all the time, there is too much noise and the temperature is never right T_T

I have done quite ok I think (notice though that I am not diagnosed but I hang around this site for a reason ) I moved out for the first time when I was 19 and started university, I quite liked it even though I lived in a dorm and shared both kitchen and bathroom with other students, however I have never really learned or had any interest to cook for myself so the diet has always been rather restricted but I have survived not always eating at my dorm making food for myself but going out to buy it instead.

I moved back home again though just before I turned 20 and I lived back home for two years before I moved out again and lived another three years on my own as I continued my studies, well I lived with other people in a dorm, shared a flat with some people and lived on my own during that period.

I have never really had any problems washing my clothes or paying the bills practically speaking but again the diet and the cleaning has been rather bad, its horrible to admit that I am bad at both and I am sure I can improve.

Then a few months before I turned 24 I moved back home again for a period of time, only to move out again right after I turned 26. Then I spent another three years away from home, living in flats with others and also sometimes alone and it was the same as before, I always loose quite a bit of weight when I live alone, all between 9-33kg I have lost in a year so I am not always as good at taking care of myself. Stress of course contribute a lot to this as do depression and anxiety.

When I was 29, I moved back home again and I have been living home ever since, I am 32 now, and to tell the truth I mind less living with my parents now then I did a few years ago, I like it back home and since I have had some bad years and I need to recover (or whatever) then it feels a bit more safe for me at the present moment. Also I have had several suicidal periods so it helps for me to have family in the house as opposed to sit in a flat all alone for longer periods of time. Even though I very much like being alone that I have not problem with, its just that thankfully I have the insight to see and accept that it is not always the best for me to live alone and now I am in one of those periods.

Sorry for the unstructured post, just talking along really

i remember i took it upon myself to live as cheaply as possible, something like an urban Thoreau, which was good practice for being almost unemployable, even if i did do it for idealistic reasons.

i know i have been very fortunate in having been able to find places to live where i never paid more than $250 a month rent, since 1986. this gave me the ability to live on part-time, or minimum wage, or temp work when it so suited me. i do suggest that the search for affordable housing, while grown much more difficult as so little of it continues to be built new, while so much of it continues to be torn down, can become an object of intense research.

it definitely varies, not only region by region, but by subregions of regions. basically, where people want to live is where you should not. but even those places (the "cool" cities) can be manageable if you share an old house in a part of town that is not yet gentrified.

be imaginative. i've known people who lived on houseboats in San Francisco Bay, sheds out back of a big house in the rich part of town, yurts that they packed up & moved every few months with, & octagonal one-room houses they build themselves in the woods. i lived for five years in part of the converted choir loft of a former church. when i unfolded my futon, it filled all the floor space i had; even there, i made oil paintings.

...

Mother, prescription drug addict, left her house at 14 to move in with father. Went to prison at age 15.
Father, meth addict, sent to prison also when I was 16.
I had a horrible abusive childhood, with nowhere to stay and nobody to turn to. I ended up qualifying for government assistance for school and moved away from 'home' as soon as I tested out of all of my 11th/12th grade classes. It was a nightmare for years - nobody understood me, I knew nobody, and I couldn't cut the stress of my life coupled with a terrible college experience at ITT. I ended up dropping out of college and bouncing around between different jobs at card shops and various computer oddjobs. I met a girl 8 years ago who somehow sees past all of my issues and just supports me in my ordeals. I am in a job that I rarely have to deal with anyone I don't know, with a family that understands me (we've had 2 children now). I am attending school at a real college now, mostly through online-only classes.

It's been hard, but I struggled through it.

My childhood wasn't abusive, except that there wasn't room in it for me - first chance I got I was gone.

My dad's aspie too, I think, and unknowing aspies can be the most prejudiced people in the world. Unfortunately it took another forty years from leaving home to get to the diagnosis. Go figure...

I moved out of home, I think, when I was 18, but it was only a few months before I was living with my, now, wife. Recently I have come to reflect that I went from the arms of one mother into the arms of another. I still think there is some truth in this. She has part-supported me economically and emotionally for two decades. I have also reflected that my love for her was like the love of a child that needs its mother to survive. Now, I am interested in developing self-reliance along with self-confidence and self-determination. The truth is that I don't think I ever have lived independently. Now that I want to, I don't know if this can be done effectively within the present familt arrangement or whether I have to physically strike out alone.

My home life with my family wasn't good, so I left as soon as I was able to go to school and support myself. It was a hard adjustment in some ways, but in my case, it was for the best. If possible, I'd recommend breaking into it gradually, though, rather than just sort of disappearing one day without giving anyone your new address, like I did. Ideally, it would be great if you could learn as many independent living skills as you can while still living at home, ie. how to balance a checkbook, create a budget, cook, do laundry, create a support network for when you get into some kind of trouble, etc. Planning ahead for it can make it less overwhelming when the time comes.

Not that I recommend using my technique at all, but I moved in with a boyfriend on the day I graduated from high school at 17. Married him about a year later. Then I joined the military.

Overkill!



Seems like your plan is a bit more well thought out, and makes pretty good sense for your situation. If I had had any self-awareness back then, mine may have been similar to yours. But I had little to none, so I just "went for it" and did the most outrageous, unexpected, undesirable things I could think of to do. That's been my style throughout life. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my forties, which helps explain some of my life choices.

I have had problems for years. I tried to move from my family when I was 18 but I kept being drawn back into it because of my problems. I also pick really screwed up friends. Right now I have no friends and am very lonely. I wish I could be more independent and not feel bad about being very dependent or very aloof when I am in relationships. It is very hard to live on your own when you can't kept a job or manage money. rigth now I have realys evere money porblems and can't figure out what to do. But I have lived on my own most of my adult life with a lot of help from peple who were friends and social workers.

I cheated. I went from mom and dad to a wife that had already lived on her own. it was not the free and easy ride that I thought it was going to be though.

In a moment of calmness and clarity, I applied for a job at a boarding school in Switzerland. I was 23 at the time. I mostly just didn't think about it until it was time to actually go. The tickets were already bought, the visa ready, but I didn't allow myself to actually envision what I was about to do. I still lived with my mother, and she raised me to have no confidence in myself or my abilities, so if I had let myself think about it I would have probably not been able to do it.

I didn't panic until I was getting on the plane, and by then it was too late. Follow the signs, follow the directions, just focus on what you need to be doing right now, that's how I got to the school. Then a group of really nice people welcomed me and made me feel much more comfortable than I expected. Everything was planned for me, so I didn't have to be really independent yet. My boss/mentor at this place immediately realized I had AS and taught me basic life and social skills which my mother had never bothered to do.

At the end of the year I didn't want to go back to the US because I remembered how helpless I felt there, so I applied for a program in English teaching in Prague. I came here not knowing anyone, where I would find work, or where I would live. The first month was hell and I thought I would fail and have to go back to living with my mom, but then I met a new friend (he approached me, naturally) who built my confidence and taught me how to be more social and introduced me to a whole slew of new people who couldn't care less that I was different.

I've been in Prague two and a half years and I never want to leave. With encouragement from my friends (who are now like my family), I managed to apply for and obtain a visa to live here, get the best job I've ever had (in a preschool), I now live alone in a small apartment which I keep tidy, and I do everything myself. I no longer need help except in extreme circumstances.

If you had told me a few years ago that my life would be like this, I would never have believed it possible. But really we're all capable of amazing things - we just need to believe in ourselves, have patience with ourselves, and surround ourselves with people who encourage us to be stronger rather than those who want to do everything for us (like my mother did).

I failed at moving out and I'm beginning to think that it is because of some of my Asperger traits.

I think I got too overwhelmed and overstimulated to function when I lived on my own. I couldn't go get my mail. I couldn't do dishes. I couldn't go grocery shopping. I'm bipolar, too - and I was actively suicidal at the time - so I wasn't bathing and I was avoiding the kitchen because I kept wanting to grab a knife...

...anyway, I moved back in with my parents 2.5 years ago and started getting help. I was finally diagnosed AS/BP and am on a cocktail of meds that helps me a lot. I had to officially leave my graduate program but am now starting to write on my thesis proposal again, which is a huge milestone for me. My therapist and I have been talking about applying for disability and, when I move out on my own, have a social worker of some sort stop by once in a while to make sure I was on target.

Does anyone here get state help to live on their own? I don't know what to expect beyond what my therapist and I have discussed.