Mr Nice Guys
You wrote "whatshisname drummer from Motley Crue". I thought you didn't know the guy's name. What's a big deal?
And I wouldn't take him as a good example of a bad boy women like. He's not that good looking (imo), and most of his popularity comes with the fact he's a celebrity. Some women are into him (including the former "ultimate wet dreams" Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson), but I wouldn't describe him as a type of a bad boy women claim to like.
"Bad boys" women like are the local guys who are attractive (or perceived that way), confident and who seem to play by their own rules while AT THE SAME TIME being good people deep down. Sadly, many of these guys who seem like jerks prove to be jerks, but for some reason women like to think their love will change them.
I could have written that word for word ^
I think this could also be a major problem, if your specifically after a slim, blonde girl who is really into video games, warhammer and movies (sorry top of my head idea) then you may miss that slightly chubby brunette who loves movies but isn't so keen on the rest but she would happily engage in them with you and may even come to like them.
Thing is, most guys like this are taken.
This is what I should have said and what I meant when I said someone who treats me right, that is what I consider a mr nice guy.
How many Charlize Theron's and Scarlett Johansson's are there to every Rosie O'donnell?
Exactly! I think too much emphasis is put on physical appearance, now an honest question for the guys. You have two women to pick from one looks like Scarlett Johansson but you have nothing in common with her, the Rosie O'donnell look-a-like is passionately into all the things you are, which one would you go for?
*Disclaimer* I'm not saying there wouldn't be a Scarlett who you have alot in common with or a Rosie you don't I'm just making a point about physical appearance.
Unfortunately I think guys tend to focus too much on physical appearance, and girls tend to focus too much on "traits", where good looks is one of the traits and a great personality is another (though a lot of girls are very specific and can break a good personality into multiple traits).
Not sure about your profile picture, but if that is you, you don't look all that plain to me. Even if you are shy.
I think both guys and girls are guilty of having too narrow preferences (it happens often to the NTs, too). It's true guys focus on looks way too much, sometimes to the point of ignoring the personality, or seeing her personality as just a plus (and not an integral part of someone's attractiveness)... And then they are confused when a girl turns out to be shallow, or boring, or demanding, or b...h, or whatever. Not ALL guys do it, but many do.
But girls are often more specific than this, because apart from the looks, they have a list of all the things a guy should do or think, or the way he has to behave to be acceptable. I mean, I've seen (NT) girls rejecting guys for the following reasons: bushy eyebrows, dirty shoes, the fact that he asked for her email instead of her phone number. According to the girls that did the rejecting, they didn't get mad because of those things per se, but because these things were signs of serious character faults with these guys.
And to be honest, I've never seen a guy reject a girl just because she was a brunette and not a blonde. It doesn't mean guys are more open, but they are quicker to accept any opportunity that presents to them.
Many of us look different in photos and plus, in real life, people take other things into account when deciding whether you're attractive or not: your posture, clothes, body language, voice, etc.
I agree, Az29 doesn't look plain, she looks very pretty. But I believe her about being ignored by males. In my experience, guys overlook/ignore pretty girls all the time, and the girls they chase are often (though not always) less pretty than the girls they ignore, imo.
I was trying to say earlier this "nice vs jerk" debate isn't productive. They are both terrible stereotypes.
They are also incredibly negative. If you keep hammering down that being "nice" regardless of the precise ACTUAL MEANING , its coloring the word with negative connotations. What guy is going to want to be "nice" if it means he isn't going to ever get laid?
This is semantics definitely. Regardless we keep using this stereotype, it WILL actually f**k with guys heads. Eventually the "definition" is going to be lost, and people will literally think that being "nice" is worse than being "mean"
I'm not going to claim to be a PUA expert. Im not, but there is alot of material about negging and lightly insulting women. Alot of clueless guys are going to try to be "mean". Watch
I was just trying to say what the "nice guy" means in this context and why there are so many women who claim to like nice guys ignore the guys who are labeled as nice.
Of course it's better to be nice than to be mean. But nice guys who feel rejected and unwanted need to know it's not because of their niceness. Girls don't dislike niceness; it's a positive thing many (dare to say, most of) women desire in a partner. However, it's not enough: a guy has to have a personality you'll fall for besides being nice. And he can't be spineless and ready to be turned into a doormat. This is something many women dislike.
'sides, I just think that "nice guys" weren't taught how to attract women.
When girls can just say "hey I am not interested in you", things will get alot better.
Instead of this calling guys that don't know how to attract girls "creeps" and "weirdos" further bringing them down, how about we just be a bit more honest as a society?
I would rather have a girl insult me turning me down than call me "nice", and keep leading me on telling me they want to be friends.
When girls can just say "hey I am not interested in you", things will get alot better.
Instead of this calling guys that don't know how to attract girls "creeps" and "weirdos" further bringing them down, how about we just be a bit more honest as a society?
I would rather have a girl insult me turning me down than call me "nice", and keep leading me on telling me they want to be friends.
But what if she *gasps* WANTS to be your friend? What's wrong about being friends with a girl? I don't know... I feel weird about guys who only want to date girls and never to be their friends.
I want to have a male friend, badly. But they always turn me down.
Anyway, nobody has to be "taught" how to attract women. I mean, maintaining your hygiene and knowing your boundaries (no touching and grabbing without asking), and that's about it, really. I mean, any other thing you can change about yourself is not really about attracting the girls, it's about changing yourself if you want to.
And I didn't get the part with creeps and weirdos. Do they call you that, or nice? It's NOT the same. Oh, no.
I was just trying to say what the "nice guy" means in this context and why there are so many women who claim to like nice guys ignore the guys who are labeled as nice.
Of course it's better to be nice than to be mean. But nice guys who feel rejected and unwanted need to know it's not because of their niceness. Girls don't dislike niceness; it's a positive thing many (dare to say, most of) women desire in a partner. However, it's not enough: a guy has to have a personality you'll fall for besides being nice. And he can't be spineless and ready to be turned into a doormat. This is something many women dislike.[/quote]
Then we need to call it something else, but it is too late for that. Literally speaking, the word "nice" now has negative coloring. "Spineless", "Boring", "Weak", "Needy", "Passive"
Does this make sense? Anyone can be a nice person. An "as*hole" guy who can attract women might really be nice, and not an as*hole. Just because he knows how to pull a few strings and make himself attractive.
This is just plain perversion of these words. How many guys have bought PUA material to learn to try to manipulate women into sex and trying to be a player, when in reality deep down they just want a steady?
No idea. But PUA is disgusting and pathetic, a hundred times more than any negative connotation of the word "nice" can be. When you're labeled as nice, some people might understand that as "spineless" and "weak", but if you're labeled as PUA, that means you're definitely spineless, AND weak, AND pathetic. (Just my opinion, though).
But what if she *gasps* WANTS to be your friend? What's wrong about being friends with a girl? I don't know... I feel weird about guys who only want to date girls and never to be their friends.
I want to have a male friend, badly. But they always turn me down.
Saying you want to be friends with a guy you are turning down is insulting. Even if you haven't YET turned him down, asking to be "friends" WILL BE interpreted by him as rejection.
If he wasn't interested in you romantically, then maybe you could be friends. Otherwise, it is just very painful for a guy.
I tried being "friends" with a couple of girls that friendzoned me. Maybe having a female eye would help me out? Nope. I can't I had to cease contact with them. I lost respect for myself. They were not "friends"
If he wasn't interested in you romantically, then maybe you could be friends. Otherwise, it is just very painful for a guy.
I tried being "friends" with a couple of girls that friendzoned me. Maybe having a female eye would help me out? Nope. I can't I had to cease contact with them. I lost respect for myself. They were not "friends"
Well, obviously, nobody forces you to be friends with someone. I'm just saying that sometimes, a girl will honesty want to be your friend, and you can't hate her for that.
Other times, well... I don't know how to say this. There are some girls who need a constant male attention and who like to surround themselves with guys who are attracted to them. These girls will want a bunch of said guys as "friends", but not because they are interested in true friendship, but because they need someone who admires them, and they know the guy likes them. Needless to say, not ALL (or even MOST) of the girls are like this, but they exist, and you should stay away from these arrangements.
However, often, when a girl wants you to be her friend, she does wants you to be her friend.
girls/women are full of double speak and contradictions. they say one thing and mean the exact opposite.
just be friends is just another way of saying they want nothing to do with you.
women say and do everything based on their emotions. men are less emotional and are far more logical than women. what a man says is usually what he means.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,121
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
If he wasn't interested in you romantically, then maybe you could be friends. Otherwise, it is just very painful for a guy.
I tried being "friends" with a couple of girls that friendzoned me. Maybe having a female eye would help me out? Nope. I can't I had to cease contact with them. I lost respect for myself. They were not "friends"
Well, obviously, nobody forces you to be friends with someone. I'm just saying that sometimes, a girl will honesty want to be your friend, and you can't hate her for that.
Other times, well... I don't know how to say this. There are some girls who need a constant male attention and who like to surround themselves with guys who are attracted to them. These girls will want a bunch of said guys as "friends", but not because they are interested in true friendship, but because they need someone who admires them, and they know the guy likes them. Needless to say, not ALL (or even MOST) of the girls are like this, but they exist, and you should stay away from these arrangements.
However, often, when a girl wants you to be her friend, she does wants you to be her friend.
just be friends is just another way of saying they want nothing to do with you.
I try to remain friend with girls after I get rejected but most of them end up getting mad at me when I eventually make a comment about liking someone else or trying to find someone. A couple women actually got upset because they had somehow assumed that we were in a relationship or that that we were trying to be more than friends after they had specifically told me that they only liked me as a friend. I get a headache trying to understand stuff like that.
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