Mr Nice Guys

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Men are always saying that women don't want a Mr Nice guy but here is one woman that does. So where are all the Mr Nice guys? Nowhere that I can find them...

We're all married.

This subject of what a "Nice guy" is has been discussed endlessly around here, in my view it's kind of a useless attribute to look for because there's really no defining criteria.

Where have you been meeting guys up to this point? I think that might be a better way to get some helpful advice...

Women love to say that they want a nice guy, but then when they meet them they turn them down. I think men and women have a different defenition of the meaning "nice guy".

Just an aside, the original meaning of the English word nice is derived from an old Latin word meaning "without knowledge". The word originally was considered an insult.

I hope you are wrong! LOL.

There's some nice guys here in this forum. I've been told I'm one of em but I'm not sure if I belive it or not

Both statements are true. For clarification sake, yes you are a very nice guy!

Not me.

same here. and seeing my rampant popularity its hard to see how so.

The first thing you need to understand, is that there are three different things being discussed that all use the label "Nice Guy".

The first "Nice Guy" is the kind of guy who thinks that if he "treats a woman right", she owes him. These people have basically taken the 'as*hole' attitude, and are attempting to use it to play a 'nice guy' game. They're typically clingy, pushy, and extremely passive-aggressive - because, no matter how much they try to follow the superficial pattern of being a "nice guy", they're still essentially objectifying women to fulfill some role in their own drama (usually, the role of 'prize' for being such a 'nice guy', and to validate them for having been the persecuted underdog.) Unfortunately, these guys have a LOT of reinforcement from hollywood - all "Romantic Comedies" essentially serve to reinforce the behaviors of this kind of 'Nice Guy', never mind the fact that actually performing any of the actions portrayed would generally land you, very deservedly, in jail. These guys don't know how to take 'no' for an answer, but at the same time they don't force a 'yes' - so they just draw the tedium of their drama out over long, excruciating months, until you finally disentangle yourself from them.

The second "Nice Guy" is someone who essentially lacks confidence, money, and charisma, but tries to make up for it by being genuinely interesting, compassionate, and caring. He cares about people because he knows what it's like to be the underdog, and he genuinely wants the world to be a better place. The problem is, he lacks confidence, money, and charisma, so he's basically a weak person - he's not going to be accomplishing anything worthwhile any time soon. The bigger problem is, attractiveness is all about confidence, money, and charisma, so while he's very nice and sensitive, he's *boring*. You probably overlook 10 of these guys a month, and mistake another 5 for being the first kind of "Nice Guy".

The third "Nice Guy" is a genuinely kind, compassionate person, with a reasonable amount of confidence, money, and charisma. The thing is, if you have confidence, money, and charisma, being an as*hole is much easier - and more rewarding - than being nice. So there won't be many of these guys. Secondly, EVERYONE wants one, so you won't find too many of them 'available'. Third, even if you find him, he's liable to transition into the second kind of "Nice Guy" if anything goes wrong in his life - or he might be the first kind of "Nice Guy" in disguise. And even if he's not, what would make him notice you?

Hope this answered your question.

Sorry I'm a a half breed

half jerk, half caring guy

How does lacking confidence, money and charisma make you a weak person?!?

I think clingyness should be mentioned as part of the 2nd type & not just the 1st type. Some(like me) are clingy because they genuinely care about their partners & worry about them a lot

It's self-evident. Confidence, money and charisma give you more power, so the lack of them would just give you the opposite thing : weakness.

Not really... confidence can just be imaginary (thinking a person is something that they are not), money is only good over things that can be bought (which does not include everything, including many people), and charisma is generally only good over those who are incapable of seeing through it.
Someone who is brave with intellect and principles is much stronger, in my opinion.

If the poster who is looking for the nice guy happens to be young and good looking, then she's probably also looking for a guy who (in addition to being nice) is attractive, well-educated, and has a good personality.

I had this male friend who was overweight, short, and had sort of bad skin. He was also broke and living at home with his parents. He had this huge crush on a barista at the university we went to. She was 10 years younger than he was and was very pretty but he thought he had a shot because she was always nice to him when fixing his coffee, making chit chat etc. He finally got up the courage to ask her out and she turned him down cold. He was so angry, “I’m such a great guy, why wouldn’t she even give me a chance?” Then I offered to set him up with one of my friends. She was the same age as him, also on the chubby side, also a very fun and kind person who had already graduated with honors and had a kick-ass job and owned her own home. I showed him her picture, and he was NOT INTERESTED.

When I hear “Nice Guys” complain that “women” only want to date jerks…what most of them really mean is that all the *trophy* women that they happen to be physically attracted to only want to date *trophy* men (men whom the women are attracted to). So, look at yourself realistically. Are you young and physically attractive? Are you well-educated or financially well-off? Are you fun to be around and interesting? If so, it probably doesn’t matter if you’re a nice guy or not, you won’t have trouble dating the most attractive single women out there. If the above does *not* describe you, you probably will be frustrated for many years unless you start asking out the less “desirable” women. Women who are probably just as “nice” as you are!