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Do all aspies have trouble telling others how they feel?

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Verdandi
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21 Dec 2011, 7:40 am

Joe90 wrote:
Um.....I'm confused, yet again.

NTs do this too. When a person has a problem with me, they don't speak to me. They delibrately walk past me and glare or just don't look at all, or they send some strange text saying something like ''it's best we don't be friends any more'' without an explanation why, if I irritate them they just go off and back-stab me with their friends and not actually tell me that I'm annoying, and the list goes on.

So what DO NTs do when they have a problem with someone? According to WP NTs aren't honest so they wouldn't tell you and Aspies are honest and would tell you, then according to this thread NTs are honest and do tell you and Aspies aren't honest and don't tell you.....

Have I missed anything here?


The OP is talking about this:

Alexithymia

Quote:
A condition where a person is unable to describe emotion in words. Frequently, alexithymic individuals are unaware of what their feelings are.


Also, asking "Do autistic people experience this?" is not the same thing as saying "Do NTs never experience this?" In this case, alexithymia is seen extremely frequently with autism, seen on it's own, and seen in relation to trauma (my mother had PTSD-related alexithymia).

This isn't related to honesty at all. If you ask me "What emotion do you feel right now?" I will honestly be unable to answer that question. If you ask me to describe "sadness" I would not be able to answer. If you asked me to describe an emotion I do know, like frustration, I will likely describe it to you in terms of physical sensations (my heart beat tends to increase due to adrenaline, I tend to get headaches, I find it hard to focus on things).

I hope this clarifies what the OP is asking.



Joe90
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21 Dec 2011, 7:58 am

The OP did say ''do all Aspies have trouble this this?'' - when actually, I don't. Well, I don't think I do. Before my friend turned against me, I used to get invited to his flat a lot and we used to talk about the different people at the charity shop where we both volunteered. I never said anything nasty, I just used to say how I felt about certain people there and he always felt the same, or he would describe how he felt about someone what was the same as how I felt about that person.

Also I am good at describing how I feel. At the moment I'm feeling neutral, but a bit pissed off because this morning didn't go as planned, and I'm also feeling a bit agitated because my computer keeps playing up and I hope it doesn't suddenly freeze on me, and I'm also feeling a bit excited on and off about Christmas because I've got family coming round and I wrapped up some gifts for my family, and I'm also feeling relieved that I've finished all my Christmas, and thank god I don't have to go back to the shopping mall to face all the crowds of people staring at me, what makes me feel anxious.

Is that what a lot of Aspies have trouble with telling people? Would you be able to describe the middle paragraph to somebody? I could, so it must be a common Aspie trait that I don't have. And I think I got a bit confused with what the OP was saying - I thought he or she meant we don't tell others their faults or something. I do find it hard to stand up for myself, but I know that's due to lack of confidence and I don't like arguing verbally because it makes me feel awkward afterwards, and I'm afraid that they might win (which they probably would) and I would be made out to be huffy, plus I'm quiet anyway.


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21 Dec 2011, 8:04 am

I have this, and not just with people. I do not know my emotional reaction to anything until months after the event, usually. I often find this nice, because it allows me to be apathetic, but it can be frustrating at times.



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21 Dec 2011, 8:10 am

Joe90 wrote:
The OP did say ''do all Aspies have trouble this this?'' - when actually, I don't. Well, I don't think I do. Before my friend turned against me, I used to get invited to his flat a lot and we used to talk about the different people at the charity shop where we both volunteered. I never said anything nasty, I just used to say how I felt about certain people there and he always felt the same, or he would describe how he felt about someone what was the same as how I felt about that person.

Also I am good at describing how I feel. At the moment I'm feeling neutral, but a bit pissed off because this morning didn't go as planned, and I'm also feeling a bit agitated because my computer keeps playing up and I hope it doesn't suddenly freeze on me, and I'm also feeling a bit excited on and off about Christmas because I've got family coming round and I wrapped up some gifts for my family, and I'm also feeling relieved that I've finished all my Christmas, and thank god I don't have to go back to the shopping mall to face all the crowds of people staring at me, what makes me feel anxious.

Is that what a lot of Aspies have trouble with telling people? Would you be able to describe the middle paragraph to somebody? I could, so it must be a common Aspie trait that I don't have. And I think I got a bit confused with what the OP was saying - I thought he or she meant we don't tell others their faults or something. I do find it hard to stand up for myself, but I know that's due to lack of confidence and I don't like arguing verbally because it makes me feel awkward afterwards, and I'm afraid that they might win (which they probably would) and I would be made out to be huffy, plus I'm quiet anyway.


Well, you did use a lot more detail to describe how you feel right now, which is not unusual for autistic people. I don't know that I could write that paragraph, but I think I have written similar. When I give an answer that long when someone asks me how I've been, people give me odd looks. Rather, they look at me and either say nothing or say something like "Ooooo-kay." which I tend to interpret as "I think I said something awkward."

I do think, though, from other things you have said, that it doesn't sound like you have trouble identifying your emotions, but I am not a professional and this is just my impression.

I think I misunderstood/misremembered what the OP was saying as I had alexithymia on my mind.



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21 Dec 2011, 8:33 am

Verdandi wrote:
I think I misunderstood/misremembered what the OP was saying as I had alexithymia on my mind.


No you didn't. The OP was definitely talking about difficulty verbalising their emotional state. I think the confusion arose from them going on to talk about honesty in the second sentence but that wasn't directly relevant to the query.



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21 Dec 2011, 8:55 am

nemorosa wrote:
As others have noted it is very hard to tell someone how you feel when you yourself don't know. Or if you do feel something that "something" is indescribable.

I don't know if I have ever been happy. I would like to know what it feels like. I've felt contentment and satisfaction or laughed at jokes but I still don't know if that is what happiness is.


I've always assumed that any feeling of joy I got was happiness, so I've thought that just as long as I feel good that I must be happy. I think I'm well aware of what my emotions are on the inside, it's just difficult to express them to other people because of the anxiety. It's especially difficult when it comes to telling people that I don't like something about them, but I think partly it's because I've had many experiences where when I try to tell someone I don't like something about them I am faced with rejection and anger and it hurts my feelings too easily to deal with that.



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21 Dec 2011, 9:08 am

GreySun369 wrote:
nemorosa wrote:
As others have noted it is very hard to tell someone how you feel when you yourself don't know. Or if you do feel something that "something" is indescribable.

I don't know if I have ever been happy. I would like to know what it feels like. I've felt contentment and satisfaction or laughed at jokes but I still don't know if that is what happiness is.


I've always assumed that any feeling of joy I got was happiness, so I've thought that just as long as I feel good that I must be happy. I think I'm well aware of what my emotions are on the inside, it's just difficult to express them to other people because of the anxiety. It's especially difficult when it comes to telling people that I don't like something about them, but I think partly it's because I've had many experiences where when I try to tell someone I don't like something about them I am faced with rejection and anger and it hurts my feelings too easily to deal with that.


Okay I totally misunderstood. You can't talk about your feelings due to anxiety not because you don't understand your own feelings. I don't have that issue.



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21 Dec 2011, 9:14 am

Definitely. Expressing how I feel has always been one of the hardest things for me. It also extends to telling people how I feel physically, like if I'm sick, hurt, etc. Does it work that way for everyone else too?



Joe90
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21 Dec 2011, 10:26 am

Verdandi wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
The OP did say ''do all Aspies have trouble this this?'' - when actually, I don't. Well, I don't think I do. Before my friend turned against me, I used to get invited to his flat a lot and we used to talk about the different people at the charity shop where we both volunteered. I never said anything nasty, I just used to say how I felt about certain people there and he always felt the same, or he would describe how he felt about someone what was the same as how I felt about that person.

Also I am good at describing how I feel. At the moment I'm feeling neutral, but a bit pissed off because this morning didn't go as planned, and I'm also feeling a bit agitated because my computer keeps playing up and I hope it doesn't suddenly freeze on me, and I'm also feeling a bit excited on and off about Christmas because I've got family coming round and I wrapped up some gifts for my family, and I'm also feeling relieved that I've finished all my Christmas, and thank god I don't have to go back to the shopping mall to face all the crowds of people staring at me, what makes me feel anxious.

Is that what a lot of Aspies have trouble with telling people? Would you be able to describe the middle paragraph to somebody? I could, so it must be a common Aspie trait that I don't have. And I think I got a bit confused with what the OP was saying - I thought he or she meant we don't tell others their faults or something. I do find it hard to stand up for myself, but I know that's due to lack of confidence and I don't like arguing verbally because it makes me feel awkward afterwards, and I'm afraid that they might win (which they probably would) and I would be made out to be huffy, plus I'm quiet anyway.


Well, you did use a lot more detail to describe how you feel right now, which is not unusual for autistic people. I don't know that I could write that paragraph, but I think I have written similar. When I give an answer that long when someone asks me how I've been, people give me odd looks. Rather, they look at me and either say nothing or say something like "Ooooo-kay." which I tend to interpret as "I think I said something awkward."

I do think, though, from other things you have said, that it doesn't sound like you have trouble identifying your emotions, but I am not a professional and this is just my impression.

I think I misunderstood/misremembered what the OP was saying as I had alexithymia on my mind.


Well I wouldn't say all of that all in one go if somebody just asked me, ''how are you feeling?'' but I can do it in different parts if somebody was asking me questions along the way, as in conversation mode. Also when I talk to my psychiatrist I explain things in more detail because that's what she wants.


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Verdandi
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21 Dec 2011, 10:33 am

Joe90 wrote:
Well I wouldn't say all of that all in one go if somebody just asked me, ''how are you feeling?'' but I can do it in different parts if somebody was asking me questions along the way, as in conversation mode. Also when I talk to my psychiatrist I explain things in more detail because that's what she wants.


Haha, I would and often have said it all in one go.