How do I stop the obsessing??

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Just to add a bit different perspective on this-my daughter also obsesses over things that happened YEARS ago that I swear she can barely remember. I was told this is part of OCD. So, your daughter may be experiencing some OCD like tendencies with regard to this particular obsession. The more she tries to NOT think about it, the more she will. So as other posters have suggested the best practice (if this is an OCD thing) is to guide her and tell her it is ok to think about the cat. You can use the rock metaphor and tell her worries/obsessive thoughts are like rocks we carry with us. It's ok to put them down. You can have a place where she can take the (metaphorical) rock, talk about the cat as much as she wants, but then tell her the rock (or the worry/upset about the cat) is going to be left in a certain place. She can come back and pick it up some time, but she can't constantly carry it around (worry about it).

I have a four-year-old with OCD, and he is currently being helped by prescription Prozac (25 mg/day) and ABA therapy. His mood is much improved, and his obsessions are way down from where they were before.

For something like Christmas break, I would arm yourself with lots of distractions--fun cartoons, computer games, activities that you can do together. I have found that keeping my kids occupied and happy reduces obsessive thoughts.

When my older son with classic autism was having a meltdown and had an unpleasant thought stuck in his head, I would place him alone in the playroom in front of a Disney cartoon with subtitles on.

My younger son responds to hugs and distracting children's videos also.

Talking about whatever it was during the heat of the moment would just seem to increase their anxiety.

Sometimes when I'm worried about something, it comes out in funny ways, including in ways such as obsessing over things that are long since passed. While I'd not say that it's a metaphor or anything like that, I think it's very possible that she's worried about something here and now and it's just popping up in unusual ways. She needs something specific and tangible to worry about, and the cat is it.

Or, it could just be a random obsession.

What I would do: Use a timer. Say, "Okay, you can talk about the cat for five minutes, then for five minutes we're going to talk about x." Then engage her about x. If she starts up about the cat, just redirect gently. Do NOT yell at her or get impatient.

This one isn't random.

As soon as you can I'd get all your kids into counseling. Play therapy has really helped my daughter. Divorce is hard enough, but this is even more complicated.

I'm sorry, but I disagree. Sometimes we have totally random obsessions. They can even appear to be related when they're not.

Example:

My grandmother died two years ago. I saw her most every day for most of my life, and it's a huge loss. And now, every time someone says "grandmother," I laugh hysterically. I obsess over it. I say "grandmothers" repeatedly and laugh. You would say that I'm grieving the loss of my own grandmother and that it's coming out in unusual ways because I'm autistic and that I need counseling for my emotional "issues", right? Based on what you're telling this poster...

Meanwhile, the real story is that my friend's boyfriend's grandmothers were in a car accident the other night, and while this is NOT funny, I immediately associate the misfortune with the song Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer... and I laugh.

It's totally unrelated!

Souper trooper -

You are not a little kid who now lives with a step mother instead of either parent. At the same time one of those parents wont even let you call them by the familial term you have always used.

It's not the same. It's not even close.

Frankly, I don't think this has anything to do with autism, I would say the same with respect to any child going through so much. It's a lot for a little kid to handle.

In a way, SuperTrouper is correct. She has not been diagnosed with Autism, but I will be very shocked if she is not diagnosed. A fe weeks ago, I said something to her and she became frustrated with me. I said: "Let me give you a hint..." She interrupted me and snapped: "Don't give me a hint mommy. I don't like hints!" I asked her if she wanted me to just tell her and she said yes, so I did. I was trying to just tell her how to handle herself in certain situations. I did not "mean" that I was hinting. It was just the words I used. She did not care. She wanted me to tell it like it is. She also does obsess over things a lot.

That being said, I agree with Kailuamom. I know my daughter enough to see that this is not just about the cat. I think that the cat is on the surface. I think she has feelings of sorrow and remorse about the cat. At the same time, I think it is being amplified by so much that is going on in her life. She has no control. With kids, things do manifest as other things. Her counselor in school last year had her color. She explained to her what the colors mean. I think she drew a picture of me that was mostly yellow with a few other colors (mostly yellow though). The one of her dad was drastically different. I wish I could remember what she said it was and what it meant, but I believe it said she was angry. I know she is angry at him.

SuperTrouper - you are correct. Aspies are literal, but sometimes we cannot put things into words. When we cannot do this, sometimes we symbolize. I am an Aspie too. When I can't express myself, I draw pictures to say what I am trying to say. My 11 year old, this summer, couldn't explain to me how she felt. I asked her if she could give me a color to describe what she was feeling, what it would be. Without hesitation, she said "purple." I do not know what it means, and neither does she. But the point is that things are not always so literal... even when you have a literal mind.


I cannot help but to feel guilty. I put these kids in this situation 5 1/2 years ago. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving them to their father. I have been shown I am wrong so many times, and I cannot do any thing to change it until the courts come to a decision. I cannot make them move any faster. I cannot do anything. As it was pointed out, they are with neither parent, AND they are without one of their sisters. When I started going for custody, I had to choose one child. I choose my oldest because she was the one at the greatest risk for self harm. It tore me apart to have to decide, but at that time, I could not go for all three. When I got custody of her last year, the 8 year old became bitter and angry. She hit me and couldn't control herself. She was angry at me and angry at her sister. She did not want to bein the house with her dad. Even now, a year later, she tells me she wishes she was here with me instead of her sister. It hurts to hear, not because I feel badly for me, but because I can feel the hurt she is expressing and I kick myself for making my original decision years back. I should have never given them up.

Deleted because there's no need to be a jerk. Taking a break from this site.

I'm just so sorry for what you must all be going through. These are really big hurts all the way around.

I'm really mad at your ex, but I don't know how helpful that is.

Again, I hope this is a healing visit.