Abused by those with BPD

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They were supposed to have sent documents and tried to contact me by phone but I received nothing. I had even spoken to my ex's wife on the phone before hand about when I was due to return home but she said nothing about any custody hearings. I had to get in touch with the solicitors afterwards to get them to send documents out. They claimed they posted documents previously but there was nothing. My then boyfriend was with me when I opened up all of my mail at the time.

Afterwards I fell into a huge episode of depression and become unable to function. That was shortly followed by the relationship with my lover falling apart and I was left homeless for various reasons. At that point I could not see how I could file for custody etc as I didn't even have a home. I was also now 200 miles away from my son. The one time the support worker for my son did try to organise a visit (a year after the custody hearing) I was trying to get the train fare together to get down there when contact ceased. I did ask them to meet me half way or maybe bring my son to me (as they all drive and I do not) but they would not do that and wanted me to travel the 200 miles by train (it was the only way I could get there). I could not get the fare together and my support worker (I get disability due to a inability to deal with social interactions and change...so do not presently work as I am not able to), was trying to get a charity donation for the train fare but before that could be done everything went quiet and my messages were being ignored. So the visit never happened.

I am thinking about going through the courts but I need to find a solicitor etc. It is difficult because of my disability as well in that people seem to think that I would not cope with having my son around me when actually that is totally incorrect. My son was never a problem he was an adorable little boy who just like any child had his moments of doing what children do (ie not tidying up their room), but that is to be expected really. I was less depressed in the days when I had my child. Losing him destroyed me.

Sorry about typos, I do wish I could find my reading glasses!

It might be that there are similarities of seeming emotionally immature that can be mutually endearing. On the surface people with AS/HFA are seen as less threatening due to our social awkwardness while people with BPD are seen as more fun due to their somewhat childlike emotional qualities.

My experience is the same with my ex. She was super-kind and sweet, I called her "Little Angel", she seemingly wasn't bothered by my utter lameness at trying to act as a man, including kissing and having sex. She actually tried to help me with it sensitively in the beginning.

This is so nice to read. A happy story

I love PDAs. Get a French girlfriend, they're the best.

Given some of the back and forth on this thread, I thought i would share this article.

(Though my personal experience with an untreated BPD person still stands...)


"Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder Is Often Flawed

True sufferers are often troubled—and yet time and treatment can often improve their lives" - Scientific American

Thank you for the link.

It's consistent with some of the things I tried to say in this thread.

no problemo

I hope the article was of use. I was thinking of you and Sweetleaf when i posted the article link. I am less interested in "winning" an argument (in fact i am uninterested in "winning") than i am in fully exploring and understanding an issue - especially one this close to me.

----

i showed the article to my partner and she said "Yeah. It's true. All of it. The key issue is that the BPD person has to WANT to change. I found one that REALLY wanted to ACTUALLY work on their issues in the last couple of decades. The rest... not so much. And it takes SOOOO long. So much time. And they have real problems staying on it for that long. I still won't work with them."

Which, Verdandi, I think actually supports a couple of other comments you made, and the paper i think fraac linked to, about counsellors writing off people with BPD before they even start.

I'm not about "winning" but I don't give up facts easily. There's a lot of middle ground to listen to others, however.



I think I linked at least one article like that (the one about "what is manipulation anyway?" was me).

Thing is, I think that counselors who can't or don't want to work with people with BPD shouldn't, instead of working with them and then treating them badly (this isn't a reference to your fiancee, as I don't know how she would treat them if she treated them, but she doesn't treat them at all). There are people who don't work with all kinds of things, and I think I respect that a bit more than works with it but doesn't understand it or maybe even doesn't want to understand it, and causes or worsens their clients' damage with mishandling. This isn't an either/or dichotomy, but more a wish that people who did the latter (mishandling) did the former (benign neglect).

wow. that sounds sooo nice. I am a woman, wish I could find me a nice partner... eventually.

My boyfriend is autistic AND has BPD...

Hi I am NT I had a similar life experience with some BPD and they did end up overdosing. I still deal with negative thoughts and feelings every day from the experience. This is what I took away from it.

Things in life whether its bucked teeth or poor social skills will set your social standing bar low. I was in the bottom 10% and had to date whatever came my way. Anything you can do to put yourself out there whether its lifting weights and working out or joining more dating websites or joining more social clubs is going to help you so you can be the CHOOSER and not the CHOOSEE.

I could keep going but don't feel like posting a bunch of negative stuff but obviously I was very hurt by my experience and at times that pain has turned to guilt, sadness and anger.

This is most likely to happen (not including hallucinatory people) with ASDs. They are always accusing people of doing things that they are not doing, but, unlike most people who say something like that in order to find out whether it's true, or who already believe it's 100% true but are logical about it, the ASDs will also refuse to believe the one they are mad at when they say, "I wasn't doing that," even though THE ONLY POSSIBLE HUMAN BEING WHO COULD KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE DOING THAT IS THE ONE BEING ACCUSED. Since the most often time when the ASD accuses them is something about what they are thinking or feeling or the reason why they did or said something.

However, on the occasions when the accusation is actually physical and has evidence, such as when my ex-boyfriend, after exactly one e-mail communication, claimed that I "couldn't possibly be homeless and/or have a son, because he says so," the Asperger's person (my autistic boyfriend does look at evidence USUALLY, so I am guessing autistic people don't do this part) will even refuse to look at the physical evidence which is WHAT THE f**k. (In the example case I gave, he replied to my next e-mail showing my numerous blogs about the subject from before we had started talking, as well as pictures of myself and my son, even the ones from the hospital, and replied to that very same e-mail with the links of it that "I must be lying and therefore he will not talk to me and will block me".)

ASDs are THE NUMBER ONE MOST LIKELY PEOPLE to make false, illogical accusations, be extremely angry at the person indefinitely because of such accusations, and then somehow say that what the own person who did the thing who tells them that they were not thinking or saying or meaning that, couldn't possibly be thinking what they say, even though that makes no sense at all and n literally every other human being with any remote shred of minor empathy/non-evil-ness/non-abusiveness will believe them easily and obviously because THEY ARE THE ONES WHO SAID IT.



You don't have to agree with something in order to support someone. "I'm sorry that happened to you," "They should not have treated you that way," (if you agree with the viewpoint of the other human involved but they mistreated the one you're supporting, yelled at them, or went over the top about it," "Let me hold you," "How are you feeling now?," "Would you like to get some icre cream/listen to music/do something to distract you/do something you like?," "It's okay i still love you and I hope you feel better soon," etc., are all ways of supporting someone when you disagree with their viewpoint.

...Of course, you are saying this friend was actually "BANNED" from somewhere, so unless she was SPAMming advertisements that are irrelevant to the subject line and in addition to that she also had no posts that were not advertisements, was using improper typing and 100% completely irrelevant messages with neither reply to the original post nor to any single post elsewhere in the topic, posting sexual proposals, or had a very very large amount of posts yelling at somebody for "discussing the wrong topic that she doesn't like to discuss" or "replying to a topic merely because it is more then X days since the first or last post in the topic," then the other people are 99% likely to be automatically wrong, because they "BANNED" her so that is pretty much automatically wrong in nearly all cases.

...Oh. I forgot the last possibility: Extreme bullying. Of course, usually extreme bullying is done by several people towards one human being, not the other way around, because if one and only one human attempted to bully someone else it would not work since everyone else would reply that their post is wrong. Almost always when I am bullied or see bullying online in a way that actually matters or will affect somebody, it has to do with 1) ridiculous people making 27 posts per minute instead of waiting 5 minutes between posts reasonably, and 2) pretty much literally every single poster in the group/topic to jump on and bully the one that originally got bullied.



"Disorders" do not exist. They are made up by a group of psychiatrists who nsit around and randomly determine criteria for them based on what they feel like. "Having been mad at least three times in one's life" (the criteria for "Explosive Personality Disorder" is not a "disorder". Autism does not exist (basically). It is the symptoms of brain damage from all the toxic environment. Autism as diagnosed in the 1900s by the psychiatrist who invented or discovered it looks nothing like people who are diagnosed with autism today. ASD is a disability in that you have trouble thinking and in the case of autism that includes communication and the extra processing time to understand things even though you may be highly intelligent. Not wanting to make stupid smalltalk with cashiers at the grocery store or sit in uncomfortable positions to "appease" people who like Kim Kardashian is hardly a disability, it's just intelligence (in the colloquial form of the word). "Depression" is not a "disorder" it is a feeling you get when something bad has happened to you. Appeasing psychiatrists so they can prescribe harmful pharmaceuticals and make millions of dollars to send toxins into your brain is not helpful. Loving people and treating them well is helpful. Some people may not understand certain things. They may have ASD and not understand them. Explain it to them, love them, and you can be friends or otherwise with them. Accusing someone of having a "disorder" or being "mentally unfit" just because they have emotions and aren't abusive, on the other hand, is f****d up and unhelpful.




Being what you call "hyperactive" is not "abuse". This makes no sense.

Last edited by Rayvn on 03 Jul 2014, 8:21 am, edited 3 times in total.

...Uh. Do what they want (unless it's sex). If they need it so badly and you refuse to do it "just because" then you are a pretty sh***y human being.

If what they want is impossible, NOT because "YOU DEEM" it as "impossible" "because you say so" or "because you don't feel like it due to the fact that they are asking," but if it is actually physically, literally, impossible - say you are 10 miles away, your car literally will not start even though you have tried 5 or 10 different ways, there IS NO public transportation AT ALL, AND the one needing it is not telling you they will walk to your house instead, then tell them this. This will likely keep them sane since they know it's actually impossible and you're not just being a dick.

Tell them how incredibly sorry you are and you will see them as soon as possible if it's necessary (if it's an ongoing emotion that will still need to be taken care of later if it can't be taken care of right now), or that you are feeling hurt and worried because you can't see them and you hope they'll be alright. They may be alright, or they may be not-alright but still comforted and able to sleep now at least.

If you are a current or former boyfriend or girlfriend and you don't feel this way as in the above paragraph, or if you refuse to come because you "don't like public transportation" (but not unmanageable for you and you do take it in other situations such as to get to work or school or a doctor's appointment or have done so at some time in your life), or because you are "tired right now" etc., then you are a dick. However, you can still be nice to them and try to say good things that will comfort them. If they are angry at you for not coming or not doing it, they are totally and 100% correct.

If it is a situation where the light is LITERALLY affecting you AS MUCH AS it is affecting them (as in, if they are literally unable to watch the movie because of it, YOU ALSO ARE LITERALLY UNABLE TO WATCH THE MOVIE, NOT that you are merely "slightly annoyed but will be able to do something with adjustments and eventually forget about it," then explain this to them nicely and put it halfway or on one side of the room.




Schizophrenia.

Last edited by Rayvn on 03 Jul 2014, 11:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

If someone is MANIPULATING to destroy their lives then they are a sociopath. Not any other disorder.