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iceveela
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23 Dec 2011, 2:16 am

I have had a few playmates growing up, and one person that shared my interests who happened to be on the spectrum (I think) that I hung out with in school the first two years before I transferred. But I have never had anyone who I could share my feelings with, or who I can hang out with and both enjoy doing things together. Like what they show on anime all the time.

So I have never had any real friends growing up, so I do not know what it is really like to hang out with someone and be "BFF's"...

So I am curious of what it is actually like to have friends who enjoy being with you and accept you for who you are, and also you like them as well...


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Wolfheart
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23 Dec 2011, 4:42 am

I think this table will help you discern between real and hoax friends, I know it definitely helped me.

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~alistai ... nding.html



TheSunAlsoRises
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23 Dec 2011, 5:21 am

iceveela wrote:
I have had a few playmates growing up, and one person that shared my interests who happened to be on the spectrum (I think) that I hung out with in school the first two years before I transferred. But I have never had anyone who I could share my feelings with, or who I can hang out with and both enjoy doing things together. Like what they show on anime all the time.

So I have never had any real friends growing up, so I do not know what it is really like to hang out with someone and be "BFF's"...

So I am curious of what it is actually like to have friends who enjoy being with you and accept you for who you are, and also you like them as well...



My brother is my best friend.

To give you an ideal; Just Imagine personalities similar to Bill Gates and Steve Jobs having conversations about anything under the sun. We're different as night and day BUT we get along very well.

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PTSmorrow
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23 Dec 2011, 10:35 am

Not sure if the idea of BFF is really realistic, even more since you mention anime and that's as far away from reality as Lassie, Santa Claus, or the man in the moon.

I've never found that one person could be the one and only for another one and therefore just split it into parts. Women i have sex with don't necessarily need to share other interests, and a good chess partner is just for chess. However, i have to confess that the entire hanging out stuff is totally alien to me. Until today i just don't understand what it could be good for.



Joe90
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23 Dec 2011, 11:35 am

The first time I've ever had true friends was when I first reached adulthood.


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23 Dec 2011, 3:23 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
I think this table will help you discern between real and hoax friends, I know it definitely helped me.

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~alistai ... nding.html


I know you were just trying to help, but black and white thinking about friendships isn't a great idea. Nobody's perfect. Friendship can't be described in a simple table. There are also different kinds of friends, different degrees of friendship.



Robdemanc
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23 Dec 2011, 3:25 pm

I feel suffocated, possessed, occupied, influenced, distracted, worn out, overloaded, hemmed in......



dianthus
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23 Dec 2011, 3:39 pm

In my experience best friends are the worst enemies you could ever have.

I had a so-called "best friend" in high school, the first person I ever really opened up to about anything. I thought she accepted me for who I was and I could tell her anything. She blabbed all the stuff I told her and got me in trouble at school. She turned out to be really two-faced. There are not many people I'd say I hate, but I hate her.



btbnnyr
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23 Dec 2011, 4:12 pm

I've never had a best friend. I've had friends who have been best friends with each other, and I have wondered what that was like. It seemed like it was obvious to everyone that they came in a pair, almost like they were the same person. But they fought a lot too. But were still best friends.



Eingana
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23 Dec 2011, 7:05 pm

I know how you feel. I look back and i've always wanted to have a best friend and i can say that in my time i have had short friendships, but i cannot work out why they never last.

I do have a tendency to go to male figures for friendship as I am more male minded than female. This has not worked out in the past as it never occurred to me that this person might develop feelings for me that are more than friends. If and when this has happened I have not handled the situation very well as it has come as a total surprise as I have only seem them as a friend.

With the few that have been around for a little while I don't think i offend them in anyway as no one has ever said anything before, so in the end i have put it down to me not being able to maintain a long term friendship for some reason.

Once again thought I would enjoy a best friend



NcNbl
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24 Dec 2011, 5:52 am

awww.. its been too long since i have a bff.. :( and i'm a very social and hyper empath NT.. :cry:
but its okay, i have a lot of older friends, like adoptive older siblings. when i had bffs, they were boys too, i dont kinda believe i could be bff with a girl and not have the sexual tension in the future.. we're almost like a couple even if we were both male, just nothing sexual or romantic. but we kinda look out, care and be there for each other, whether asked to and especially even before one would ask. we do things for each other and always keep each other company, even give gifts and small tokens and favors.. and we fight and fix the misunderstanding and there's also jealousy and missing if ones away.. i dunno if that was normal lol but it sure was nice then. it seem normal, no one reacted to it even our grlfrnds that time, they bcome good friends too and we go on double dates, and if one needs the other even if we're with our girlfrnd, we would go to him together or my girlfriend would let me go attend to my best friend.. and our parents are friends too and like each others second parent.. and im friends with their siblings too, kinda how i get adopted into families (not legally) but i think i have grown up out of that.. thats how my bffs and i were but now i dont have any.. :cry: hehe..


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FireBird
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24 Dec 2011, 3:00 pm

I have several best friends and I know that is unusual for someone with autism. I have 3 friends that I am very close to. I open up to them and even talk on the phone even though I hate talking on the phone. It is sad that one of my friends is at a group home and the group home leader is against him using the phone. Now he got a cell phone but it is one of those free ones (he is on Social Security payments) and it has limited minutes and he can't afford more minutes. I used to talk to him for an hour or more on the phone, but the group home leader didn't like that. He doesn't have a car so its difficult for him to come over often. I do see him at the place I go to (a place for mentally ill people) when I go to see my case worker. He goes to a group at the same time. My other friend is also autistic and I talk to him several times a week on the phone. I love talking to him. I can connect to him where others have a hard time because of his obsessions and sometimes weird behavior and bad decisions. Also he gets violent. He has been kicked out of group homes and now he has to live on his own even though he is desperately poor and has a hard time living on his own sometimes. My other friend that I am close to he is brilliant. He seems to know everything known to man. His IQ is at least 140 and possibly higher. He has bipolar and PTSD. He is also obsessed with snakes and reptiles. He has been all around the world. He used to be in the military. Tough times in there. So, in the end I love having very good friends. I get along with all of them. I have other friends as well. They have one thing in common. They are all mentally ill. I never had this many friends before. I have always had a couple though. I knew someone in high school that was also brilliant with an IQ of probably about 160. We would write journals and newspapers together. That is something that I do on my own now that she moved. Since she moved she made bad decisions and her life went downhill. I think years later she did turn her life around though. She moved out of state so she can't come over anymore. I don't really e-mail people. Most of my current friends are much older than me except one. One of them is actually younger than me. The other 2 are much older than me. One of them is actually in their 50's and the other is in their 40's. I am 28 years young. My friends are very nice to me. I am having a party and hope they can all come.



anneurysm
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24 Dec 2011, 3:21 pm

I have a best friend. It's not something you choose, but it just happens. We have an amazing interpersonal dynamic, we are both quiet around other people, but put us together, and we can't stop talking. We're always on the same page in terms of our feelings about things and can have long conversations about them. She has a volitaile personality like I do, and we can talk freely about our innermost feelings and situations we experience. We have almost everything in common. And even when we're away from each other for long periods of time, we can just pick up from where we left off. It's an emotion and feeling based thing.


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