If you could live life without Asperger syndrome, would you?

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Nope...

Yes.

I'd also choose rich, educated parents over poor, uneducated parents.

And green eyes...

Having Aspergers, to me, has more disadvantages than advantages, so I would have to say yes.

I don't know. I cannot imagine how I would be like without autism. Sometimes I try to imagine that, but then I realize, that this is not possible. Also when I try to imagine being without autism, I feel very stressed, because then I think I cannot handle anything, which shows, that I am really not able to put myself mentally into the mental state being able to imagine myself in another way then I am. Somehow weird.

I go back and forth between my opinion on this topic all the time. In some ways I love having Aspergers and sometimes I wish I could strangle it.

One advantage to having Asperger's is that I feel as if I have more control over my brain and emotions and what I want them to do. I wasn't born knowing when I was supposed to feel in a certain social situation. I have trained myself to live among NTs by watching how they interact. This way I learned to be able to get a passing grade in social standards. I also am less emotionally driven and more logically driven than most NTs. I make 99.9% of my decisions through logic and facts, not by how I'm feeling in a certain moment. My planned out decisions have usually worked for me. The 0.1% of my decisions that have been made by my emotions ended up going straight to H***. I've learned over the years that it is always better to rely on you mind and gut rather than your heart.

Another aspect that I like about having Aspergers is that I can put a lot of focus into my interests. I have put all of my energy into biology and chemistry classes and I made my way to the top of class in my test scores. i also put dedication into my distance running and became a varsity athlete for both sports at my high school. It is nice to be able to make new accomplishments in my favorite activities without having much support in them besides my AS. I'm almost entirely self-driven and I don't need emotional support from people in order to survive. My AS gives me that support.

I hate the lack of social interaction that comes with Aspergers. I have felt alone through the majority of my life. I don't want to feel this way but it seems to be the only possibility sometimes. I have a lot of friends that I talk to during school but they rarely call me or want to hang out while we're not in school. This leaves me a lot of weekends on the computer or doing nothing but homework. It gets old eventually. I think that people respect me and listen to me at school but I'm not incredibly close with anyone. I guess I'm not entirely understood by most people either.

I also don't feel like I'll get to experience the same experiences that most NTs get to. Most NTs will go to prom, fall in love, get married, etc. but I don't think I'll ever be part of that lifestyle. All of my NT friends are so sure of getting married and living a somewhat traditional lifestyle. I see myself doing nothing but working all the time just to keep from feeling alone when I'm older. I really hate how media pushes the world into believing that we'll all fall in love and have families. That is utter bulls***. Some people don't want families and others don't have the capability. That small spark of hope that once thought that I could outgrow AS is quickly dwindling.

Aspergers has also caused me to have severe trust issues. When I was in elementary school, I was the kid who sat in the corner reading nonfiction books while the other kids were all playing and interact with each other. I could never find a partner on any project unless I was in an assigned group. People only wanted to work with me because they felt bad. This idea has never left me. People have wanted me to be in their projects now because I usually understand the subject material. I still often have this burning feeling in which they wanted me in their group out of sympathy. Also when a friends says that they can't hang out I always assume that they plainly don't want to. I know that this isn't always the case but I have learned to assume that people want nothing to do with me.

In short, I feel like a lone wolf who lives in a society of domestic dogs. The lone wolf may be a better hunter and be more self-sufficient than most dogs, but she am not like them. She may look slightly like some dogs but her thought process is quite different. Dogs rely on mostly others to keep them happy while a lone wolf keeps to herself for survival. The dogs see the wolf and are unsure to act around her, just as she is unsure how to act around them. Some dogs are scared, while others are confused by the wolf. "How can she look so much like us yet act so differently?" The wolf is wary around the dogs because they have hurt her in the past, although they have potential to be loving creatures. The dogs usually ignore the wolf and she relies only on herself. The dog is also more empathetic and needs his/her own kind for survival. The wolf would like to be around the dogs but she has learned to live without the same dependence on them. The wolf desires to learn the ways of the dog, and sometimes she may learn some of them, but she will never be one of them. She can sometimes pass as a dog but she will never fit in, because she was born a wolf and will die a wolf.

I would definitely like to - I think that not having Asperger's would have cut down on the teasing/social problems which I experienced in school, and I wouldn't have had to deal with the occasional lectures from family members about how I needed to straighten up/be more friendly/improve my attitude.....,etc. (they did notice that I had problems, but it never seemed to occur to anyone that I was NOT purposely trying to be "difficult")

I want to get out of my f*****g life I can't cope with being me any longer, no I am not clever no I am not interested in anything I am just a boring miserable lonely f****r who everybody hates and I just get in their way and I think everybody would be better off without me around.

I spend all this money on making an effort with my appearence and making sure I look nice and fashionable and I stand up straight and everything and I still get people f*****g looking at me like I got two f*****g heads or something and I am f*****g sick of it. I'm f*****g sick of it all. I f*****g hate giving off these f*****g vibes, I can't socialise because I know I give off these f*****g vibes no matter how hard I try to hold my head up high there is always still something ''off'' about me and I just cannot get rid of it, so I have to spend night after night indoors scared s**t of my own shadow all the time. There are always people laughing at me because people just don't grow up and the sad c***s have got nothing better to do than stand there laughing at me all day. Don't they have ANY empathy of how I might be feeling? No they f*****g don't.

I have some good points but I know there is always something that comes along to take it away and make me unhappy. The only interest I do have is my bus and it's route and the drivers what drive it and the company it's in, and that makes me happy - but I know that will go pear-shaped in the next year. It will either go into a different company, or f*****g shitface David Cameron will decide to cut more bus services including my favourite one, or something else dreadful like that. See, always something comes along to ruin things for me, then people wonder why I'm so agitated all the time.

I know that I will be bullied when I start work by horrible young girls who will take the piss out of the way I look and the way I am and all these f*****g vibes I give off without even intending to be different. It is f*****g horrible, if I am unlucky enough to be born with any cruel s**t at all then why couldn't I be born with a visible disability what people are more aware off, instead of being normal enough to be expected a lot out of me by other people but always being something ''off'' about me what frightens people away.

I have a phobia of death so I am still wondering how to kill myself.

No

If I lived my life being NT, as a 21-year-old....

....I would be invited somewhere for new years eve or would be going somewhere with mates (unless I chose not to)

....I wouldn't feel like the only 21-year-old in the whole world who doesn't ever go out to parties with mates

....I would have more friends of my own age (not saying I don't love the older friends I've got now)

....I wouldn't be devastated if my favourite bus goes into a different bus company (which is going to happen soon, I know it)

....I wouldn't be freaking people out because of my ''f**k off''/''hi I'm a mug'' vibes I unintentionally give off

....people wouldn't keep on staring at me funny when I go out shopping

....I wouldn't have drove my dad out of the house today by complaining about him to his face and hurting his feelings

....I would be able to put on a front better, instead of making myself obvious all the time by acting aggressive and hateful

....my brother wouldn't be depressed

....my mum wouldn't be stressed out because of me (long and complicated story as to why but can't explain here due to privacy reasons)

....people wouldn't have to tread on eggshells so much around me being careful not to hit the wrong button on me (other people in my house have to live by some of my rules because of my severe sensory issues)

....girls wouldn't be giggling at me when they pass by me, making me feel uncomfortable and wondering what the f**k they are laughing at (is it my nose, is it my hair, is it.......?)

....there wouldn't be as many barriers getting in the way of certain employment, so I would probably of found a job by now after 3 and a half years of being unemployed

....I wouldn't be afraid to do more things with my life because of the fear that there will always be something ''off'' about me and people know it and being unable to escape strangers knowing who I am just by looking at me


NOW WHO LOVES BEING ASPIE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

@Joe90:

If you want someone to talk to, please PM me. I'm about to go to work, so I may not answer for several hours, but I will answer.

In the meantime: I think it's largely a matter of not having been taught the proper ways of coping and adapting, which is not your fault. You were diagnosed at 8, so that may have affected how others treated you, and how you reacted to said treatment.

If you want to talk more about this--again, please PM me.

Take care.