Grief and ASD/Aspergers

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Why would you presume them stupid for not knowing how to treat a person from another planet? They go to school and learn about NTs and they are NTs. Am I stupid because I call them drama queens for crying at funerals? No. I just never knew about them as a culture until I started this social skills work. It is hard work and I have a HUGE advantage and that is that there is SO MUCH literature and so many teachers. How is an NT therapist supposed to learn about us? Where is the person trying to work WITH them on these topics? Most of the autistic advocates are involved in equal rights and politics and defying or dismissing the work by the NTs. It isn't so easy for them I think.

It's when someone acknowledges a lack of understanding - they realize and know there is some major disconnect occuring yet they do not try and figure out why. they stop at the limit of their book knowledge and do not venture further, trying to understand. That is what I do not understand.

I don't think people or professionals are stupid for not understanding - that will always occur in all people. I think it is stupid to accept ignorance as a viable conclusion because the book did not tell you to go out and learn more on your own. You have been exceedingly lucky to have met some exquisitely knowledgeable and intellectually curious professionals. I'm afraid they are a rare breed. So far, half of the professionals I've met are the 'it's not in the book so it doesn't exist' types.

Thanks for the article - my Mum passed away when I was 9, and my Dad last March. I, too didn't grieve like anyone else, and on many occassions have been told I haven't greived for either without being told anything other than to "just let go."

I'll let you know that in the last year I've not been able to get good consistent therapy, so I've been teaching myself psychotherapy and CBT. My current therapist helps me with my own therapy, instead of actually doing that with me in session (although, yes teh very act of showing up let's him perform therapy on me lol). I've been able to teach a few therapists a little about AS in the last half of this year, and since grief had been a recent topic, this article will really help me and those that will listen to me. Thanks.

In reference to above, I wonder if the poster meant something more like, they're stupid for recognizing they're treating someone from another planet, and ignoring the fact; treating them the same to everyone else. Not necessarily that they're stupid for not knowing.

I like your other comment, too. "Where is the person trying to work WITH them on these topics?" What I like about having learned about so much therapy and gained information on AS is that I am that person Who is better to be the expert on AS, than the person that has AS?

Thank you for the article. I agreed with pretty much everything in it.

As for myself, my grief has been all over the place. When my grandmother died in my early twenties, who I had been most close to all of my life, I grieved in a way that I believe others accepted as socially acceptable. I even spoke at her funeral, and apparently did so well.

But in other cases of grieving...

...yeah, pretty much what you described there.

I have been told by therapists and the neuropsych doc who most recently evaluated me that I'm quite good at introspection for an Aspie. I also have gotten into the habit of trying to talk about my feelings with my wife, more to make her feel better than anything else.

But those sessions of speaking are just as full of confusion as they are of introspection. I have great difficulty understanding the ins and outs of my own emotions. I can sometimes articulate speculation on what I feel and why, but it's just speculation and never seems to actually help me feel any different. I am the antithesis of the Reichean therapy model: direct confrontation with the trauma makes things worse. The more time I spend on other things, the more the pain diminishes over time.

Thank you for this. It helped me to realize what was going on with me. Someone very close to me moved away last June and I've been (uknowingly) reeling from that for several months.

Does anybody have any recommendations of books? Not ones that have tips on how to help yourself with the grieving process, but apparently there are books out there that help you understand grief better. Has anyone heard of any such books and, if you have, what ones would you recommend?

thanx for this. My mom died just over a year ago, and my life has been a mess ever since. I was working in a high stress job that I hated, and caused me regular meltdowns, but I was able to push through, but after my mom died, I made it maybe 2 weeks before a quit. This caused a chain reaction of stressful events. My functionality dropped to the point that I can barely leave the house anymore, can't hold down a job, and my sensory issues are much worse then they ever were before. It's a bit reassuring to know that my decline isn't uncommon for grieving aspies. I'm just worried that if I can't pull myself together soon, I may lose the people who are trying to help me. I'm in the US and don't have insurance, so can't afford to go to a therapist. I have to get better on my own, and SOON.