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nick007
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27 Dec 2011, 10:50 pm

I get told to calm down a lot sometimes & I wonder if being told to calm down has ever actually helped anyone calm down. I wish had that kind of emotional control where I could change my feelings simply by being told to


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madeofstars
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28 Dec 2011, 12:10 am

Yep, I've been told that I "lack composure" and that I'm very intense sometimes, but I have never been called violent or intimidating (I think it's because of how small I am, people just assume that tiny people are harmless :lol:).

When people tell me these things, I get a little flared up, but then I try to calm down by asking them what specifically made them think that way about me, so that I can correct it. Unfortunately, almost every example people give me is of a time when I was talking animatedly about something that I was very excited about. It's never about a time where I was angry or negative for any reason.

So then I just get more mad because ... they think I "lack composure" when I'm showing interest in something and acting excited instead of being my normal neutral self?! WTF! I just want to yell "screw you guys, I'm going home," and give them the finger. :P



Sagroth
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28 Dec 2011, 1:09 am

madeofstars wrote:
Yep, I've been told that I "lack composure" and that I'm very intense sometimes, but I have never been called violent or intimidating (I think it's because of how small I am, people just assume that tiny people are harmless :lol:).


Clarification on my earlier post: I don't think anyone expected violence from me. I think it has to do with the perceived intensity and a certain odd physicality I possess. I've been told I move both extremely awkwardly and also "like a bodybuilder"(despite having more pudge than muscle aside from my thighs, which are like tree trunks), which I would normally consider a dichotomous way of putting it.

Or maybe I'm wrong. I do tend to walk with my hands curled up at my sides sometimes, so maybe everyone thinks I'm about to punch someone or something.

Still, in my dating years, I was told that my intensity served me well. Apparently some women are attracted to that sort of thing.


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28 Dec 2011, 3:00 am

Sometimes people just say it when they are impatient and basically try to shut you up. "Yeah yeah, calm down, I'll do it." Not meaning that you are necessarily angry. Thing is, is makes you get angry.


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Guybrush_Threepwood
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28 Dec 2011, 3:16 am

Yes.

Also, people that have asked me if I am alright when they follow the noise of my expletive and find me holding my head.

People don't like my response :(



pastafarian
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28 Dec 2011, 6:16 am

Patience and tolerance are really hard for everyone when there is distracting noise, whether NT and Aspie, voices or music or behaviour. Maybe saying calm down is the same as needing to turn the music down? Its give and take for everyone isn't it? If someone is obviously trying, even if quantitively it doesn't seem much of an effort, it is something to hang on to find concilliation. Sometime people say it simply to undermine you (which takes effort not to react to) and sometimes as a plea because they really need a calmer feel.