Why are you still single ( one reason)

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spacebrain
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31 May 2012, 7:11 pm

I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations.



GrantingtheRant
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01 Jun 2012, 1:05 am

I'm completely oblivious to love. Whenever I do figure out the girl likes me, she's already moved on and friendzoned me. There are other reasons, but that's the main one.


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metaldanielle
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01 Jun 2012, 1:26 am

spacebrain wrote:
I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations.

Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding.



Lexa
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01 Jun 2012, 2:18 am

metaldanielle wrote:
spacebrain wrote:
I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations.

Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding.


I find a good way to learn when this is actually intruding versus when it seems like intruding but isn't, is to exactly copy what someone else does, several times until it becomes a skill you no longer have to consciously employ. (It is a damned hard road but worth it, I think).

In a social situation, watch the person who everyone reacts well to. Watch how they approach another person they want to talk to, what they say/do first (wave or hand-shake or smile etc) then what they say first (do they start by asking a question about the other person?) and then how they proceed further in to the conversation (not saying a lot at first, smiling a lot, letting the conversation gradually get started like a car on an icy morning - be gentle!) 8).

The trick is to make the "initiation" you referred to as seemless as possible. Rather than going from complete silence to instant intense conversation, start with smiling or just saying 'hi'. Pause longer than feels natural between comments. Wait for the other person so say something small (small-talk type of small!) and notice their speed of getting in to the conversation and match it.

I suppose you could use the analogy of mixing cake batter. If you dump the flour in on top of the wet ingredients in a bowl and then suddenly start the electric mixer at high speed, flour will be flung out all over the bench and you will be engulfed by a cloud of flour dust! (This would be clear evidence you "intruded" :wink: ) Mix it slowly with a wooden spoon first until the ingredients start to combine to form a homogeneous mixture. Then you can go on to high speed and mix what will now be a smooth, lovely cake batter. Remember though: you only mix cake batter for short time, otherwise you will 'over-beat' it.



Silvervarg
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01 Jun 2012, 2:59 am

I guess I just wait for her (basicly anyone) to tell me she's in to me, then I'll evaluate the situation.

NicoleG wrote:
If you stop being so presumptuous and attacking, I'll stop calling you names.

I like you. :D


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AussieMatty
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01 Jun 2012, 4:03 am

Never ever put negative content of reasoning in here. This video applies to point of why we are still single.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMRStzVYL4Q[/youtube]



1000Knives
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01 Jun 2012, 4:59 pm

Well, because I see myself as inadequate, and thus think I would pretty much make any partner's life worse by being apart of their life, due to my problems. So even though they would potentially make me happy, I figure in the longrun, I'd make them unhappy, so I just don't pursue. I've failed too much in my life and don't want them to be apart of my series of failures.

I mean, I guess there are girls who would claim they'd love me as I am, but I myself don't believe it. I don't love me as I am, and so one day I hope to improve enough to do so. As validating or whatever as it'd be to have a female love me, it's not her job to be my confidence, fix my emotional problems with love or whatever, though I'd love that, but I realize it'd be selfish to want that.

So for the future, I see myself alone.



spacebrain
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01 Jun 2012, 5:29 pm

Lexa wrote:
metaldanielle wrote:
Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding.


I find a good way to learn when this is actually intruding versus when it seems like intruding but isn't, is to exactly copy what someone else does, several times until it becomes a skill you no longer have to consciously employ. (It is a damned hard road but worth it, I think).

In a social situation, watch the person who everyone reacts well to. Watch how they approach another person they want to talk to, what they say/do first (wave or hand-shake or smile etc) then what they say first (do they start by asking a question about the other person?) and then how they proceed further in to the conversation (not saying a lot at first, smiling a lot, letting the conversation gradually get started like a car on an icy morning - be gentle!) 8).


I've done this so long it's become a bad habit. I ner took it to the next level your describing. Like if someone says "hi" I repeat hi back, if they say "hello" I say hello. It gets awkward when they say "what'r you working on" and I just repeat then stand there not even realizing it was a question. I also have a bad habit of just expecting platitudes, so when someone asks me a specific question I always have to get them to ask twice.



Cad
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05 Jun 2012, 8:54 pm

Until I find someone who's as crazy as me, who doesn't need my company all the time, who doesn't tell me what to do, who doesn't have to know why I do things or where I am all the time, and who understands that my art and music are my first loves and no human can ever give me the same emotional fulfillment, single I shall stay :)