Do you think aspergers Is a gift or a curse?

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I'm not the type of Aspie to think ''oh if I were NT my life would be perfect, I would be a perfectly good person, I would be well-adjusted, I wouldn't have any problems, and everything would be a bed of rosies'', because that is naive to actually believe that. And I'm not saying being NT will be a gift. I'm just saying that if I were born an NT instead of an Aspie, I would of had normal friendships at school, and I would have better social skills. I'm not saying having better social skills is the golden ticket to a perfect, secure life without any flaws, because I know that is not true, but it would just be nicer to be able to fit in a bit better, and not be odd wherever you go. That's all.

I know some NTs can be uniquely odd, but I knew an odd NT who still fitted in because she still met the right social standards. But me, I just don't trust myself, I sit there quietly in social situations or at work because I'm frightened if I open my mouth I might say something weird, and now they're all used to me being quiet so now I would feel embarrassed if I do suddenly speak. I can't go all through life like this, but the advice ''well, be confident then'' doesn't really help either.

Most days I am able to block this awful, cruel s**t from my mind and just get on with my life, but some days I suddenly get myself into a ''oh why me?'' panic, and just want to put an end to my miserable, wretched life. I broke down this morning because I thought of all the hundreds of people I know who all have better social skills than me and are getting on better than I ever will. Even those who say, ''oh I have Social Phobia too'' really don't, because they say that then when they go to a social situation I see them yapping away like the merry devil, and you don't see me ever having the chance to do that without either claming up or coming out with weird things. Also, people who act a bit Aspie still don't seem Aspie when in social situations. One my of aunts sometimes seems like she's Aspie, because she has a strange obsession with farts, she can't handle a relationship and behaves in an abnormal way when she is in a relationship, she doesn't have many friends, and she used to rock backwards and forwards a lot all through her childhood and even flap her hands, and she has always been a bit strange in her ways. She also gets really anxious about things other people wouldn't. But she still seems more NT than me when it comes to social situations; she has normal conversations with people and doesn't seem to come across as odd like I would.

I just feel very alone and I feel like even other Aspies get on better than me, no matter how hard I try. I have never got drunk in my life (and I'm nearly 22), but everybody has at least once and it's something you feel you just got to try once. And I never go out clubbing. Normal for a 21-year-old? Nope.

Its a gift for me, but my symptoms are not very obvious (i think). I say it is a gift even though i have a hard time still, its not a gift in the sense that it elevates me to a level above other people. Its a gift in the sense that i do not respect/envy what is considered normal for a person. The way i view the world and the experiences resulting from it have pushed me in a direction that i came to appreciate. All the hard times i now view as a necessary road to be traveled in order to reach the me that i am now. I became a better person because of them, i doubt i would have had these experiences with a ''normal'' brain chemistry.

All of the things that i seriously dislike can be overcome, i have no choice but to overcome them. I know where it will take me if i don't find a way to realize my need for intimacy. Its a place that i never want to return to because i fear i will not survive a second time. I view myself as one with aspergers, this is my brain, everything i am is in some way the result of it. I do not see it as something separate like a chain on my ankle that is always hindering me, i probably would if my negative traits where more pronounced.

The thing that has caused me the most pain is trouble with romance. I am handsome, reasonably confident in controlled situations. I have no shortage of positive female attention, yet never had a gf. Losing dozens of potential relationships because i am totally confused/unaware in this area has left me with some deep scars during my teen years.

Everything else even though still hard some or most of the time does not matter that much. I know that i will do fine by myself. A lot of the social aspects that i find hard do not bring me much enjoyment because they are so stressful.
How can you want something that is torture for you at the same time. I do not want to party and form superficial connections, i don't want to live the stereotypical ''good'' life. Because the truth is that people who live a typical life are just as or even more lost and deprived of real worthwhile experiences and intimacy. They are just better at hiding it from the world and themselves.

Asperger's is a gift when I am able to diagnose stage one skin cancer, or when I'm analyzing an English text and writing about it, or when I'm researching something for a problem. It's a curse when I have to explain that I'm not interested in human contact and my peers think I'm a total weirdo.

My opinion has changed on this subject over the years. For me it has been 80% blessing, and I'm beginning to see diminishing returns on that blessing. I see the world in a fundamentally different way than most people, so I can see solutions to problems which aren't obvious to most people. I can relate things in my mind others simply cannot relate, and point them to solutions others would have never thought of. The curse is that it has taken me YEARS to develop my social skills. And once they were developed, I saw the various social cues I was missing this entire time. Actually, I think I missed the cues on purpose, idk. What I do know is that I wouldn't want to have any other condition. I would prefer some "true" friends versus the sort I socialized with for the past few years. I want a real rat pack! However, there is no way I would be where I am now if it weren't for Aspergers. I'm blessed because I was able to see solutions to social problems before anyone else could see them.

In my case, kind of a gift. It's mild, it partially neutralizes my BPD and gives me actual skills that leave me employed most of the time. Seems like men with BPD are often creepy losers. I guess the one thing that hopefully sets me apart from them is my mild autism.

While the disorder certainly comes with certain strengths that could be considered special/unique, I cannot imagine any parent, who is planning to have children think, “I want to bring into the world an aspie child”.

You just need to read the diagnostic criteria to realize that it cannot be considered a gift, especially in today’s world.

With that being said, we need to accept who we are. No one in the world is perfect. Everyone has problems. Just like anyone else, we need to figure out how to leverage our strengths to the best of our ability. And make the most of it. After all, what's the alternative?

I don't think it's a gift or a curse it's a part of you it has Admirable and non-admirable qualities