Eye contact in 3 person conversations

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PowersOfTen
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09 Jan 2012, 5:24 pm

Any time I've ever had a conversation with 2 NTs, I've noticed that they will immediately pick up on something and stop making eye contact with me. They will look at each other when speaking, and if I say something, they might look at me momentarily, but when they speak they will look at the other NT again.

There have been times in the past where I made a very conscious and painful effort to maintain eye contact in these situations, but somehow NTs always sense something is off and only look at each other.

Has anyone else noticed this?



btbnnyr
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09 Jan 2012, 5:32 pm

Yep Yep Yep, I am always invisible in three-person conversations. The two others converse with each other, and I listen and don't understand, then don't listen either.



dianthus
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09 Jan 2012, 6:20 pm

Yep, happens to me, whether it's just 2 other people talking or a larger group. They all talk to each other and ignore me. I usually can't really follow what they are saying anyway so I just sort of drift off. If I say anything they will look at me and then look back at each other.

But the moment almost always comes when they will all turn to look at me, like they suddenly remember I'm there. The most dominant person in the conversation will look at me like they are measuring me up. Then they will say something very pointed to me that requires a response. Almost like they are then forcing me to participate in the conversation on their terms. Then whatever I say, won't be quite right and then will go back to talking like I'm not there.



NaomiDB
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09 Jan 2012, 6:39 pm

yeah this has happened.



yellowtamarin
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09 Jan 2012, 7:10 pm

I clicked on this topic hoping, but not expecting, that is was about other people's eye contact in a group, rather than your own. This is something I notice all the time but hadn't seen anyone mention here before. I was going to write my own post about it :P

So yes, this happens a lot. It is really frustrating and almost hurtful when I am making the effort to ask someone a question, but they answer it to the other person! I believe it is something to do with not engaging with them enough; there is something we do that makes us appear disinterested. I am yet to figure it out.

I saw a psych who suggested I look for cues such as these and therefore incorrectly believe that people are ignoring me. If I wasn't so focussed on every little detail of a social interaction I wouldn't have a problem here. But it seems to obvious to me, and real.

I find this is one of the most painful things about having AS. Subtle social exclusion.



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10 Jan 2012, 11:28 am

Yes, and get this -

I try to join in in 3-way conversations, but they just give me the ''I wasn't talking to you'' look (even though I have as much right to join in because I am in that group and I don't interrupt mid-sentence either). So I have learnt now to stand quietly and not say anything, then people look and say, ''you're quiet.'' :roll: :wall:


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dianthus
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10 Jan 2012, 11:14 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Yes, and get this -

I try to join in in 3-way conversations, but they just give me the ''I wasn't talking to you'' look (even though I have as much right to join in because I am in that group and I don't interrupt mid-sentence either). So I have learnt now to stand quietly and not say anything, then people look and say, ''you're quiet.'' :roll: :wall:


They do the same thing to me. I can't win either way. Either they tell me I'm too quiet, or they act like I'm not supposed to talk or even be there. What gives?



Stevo1965
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12 Jan 2012, 11:21 pm

Yes. I also notice that I have trouble moving my eye contact between multiple people in a group conversation. This is probably what NTs pick up on. The "slow eye" many of us seem to have.