shutting down emotions just to cope

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Funerals. I don't cry yet I feel the emotions of everyone else. Just so I won't go into meltdown mode, I shut it down. Sometimes the emotions don't hit until later.

In order to go to places that freak me out usually like busy streets and airports, yet again shut it down.

Shutdowns and meltdowns both have their consequences when others are around you.

Shutdown results in being accused of being cold and emotionless.

Meltdown results in being called an embarrassment and out of control.

Did you ever remember actively thinking about both of your reactions and deciding for now on you will just shutdown instead?

i don't decide, it just happens

I can turn my emotions on and off whenever I want. I'm convinced that I only feel most of them in the first place because I was taught to.

Smoking weed helps with creating dis-associative states

I'm so far removed I can forget about my horrendous family and friends experiences

We all want to forget.... and not see the things happening around us that cause autistics to have sensory problems

Even most NT's get drunk once a week or so to cope, tea and coffee to shift gears in the mind

being 100% present is hard when your surrounded by poo

Yeah that happens to me a lot, I try and bottle everything up and then something sets me off and I can't seem to deal with it very well. I also have PTSD so all that did was make that problem worse.

Shutdowns are necessary to be able to climb up and live life in the "gray" zone and keep trying to reach the light.

Personally, i cannot watch the news on TV, i get too depressed easily. The decision to ditch TV after i moved out of my parents home was the best i ever did to feel better (and i have lots of free time).

I don't watch the news anymore either. People have forgotten there is such a thing as good news but good news bores them and it probably wouldn't increase ratings unless done in a creative manner.

There are also times I am not actively forcing myself to shutdown. I just don't feel the emotional impact at that time but it does hit me later.

I think maybe because of all the stimuli, if there is a social setting and you are focused on controlling yourself you miss alot of the hidden stuff. Then will you replay it back later or it replays on it's own, because you are not in an overwhelming place you are able to pick up on what you aren't able to pick up on in real time.

I'll pick up on drama later but not always the correct reasons as to why it's going on.

I must learn how to shut down emotions so I don't care, that's what everyone seems to want from me so why not.........who cares if I lose myself in the process as long as other people don't have to suffer me talking about how I feel.

I lived a few years in constant shutdown state, just trying to do what I felt I "had" to do. But shutdowns are a vicious cycle, the more you shut down your feelings, the worse you feel, and the more you have the need to shut down your feelings. Yes shutdown is an appropiate responce sometimes, but the best way is to slowly discover "safe" places where you can let everything out. My own safe place is in my girlfriends arms.

I learned to ignore my feelings in order to be flexible and have less meltdowns. I also didn't like getting upset about what I hear in the media so I learned to not let it bother me, same as what goes on in the world. Now it's like I have turned into a sociopath because I don't feel anything anymore as much. If I find something too stressful, I walk away from it than having a meltdown.

I do this chemically; Xanax for acute, unexpected situations and Klonopin for anticipated stress. For example, I work in a restaurant on Fridays when it's always busy, so I take 1/2 mg of Klonopin before my shift starts. Everyone else can be losing their minds around me trying to get orders put together or helping customers, but I can maintain serenity because the benzo shuts me off *just* enough from the anxiety in the air to allow me complete functionality. Took me a while to get over an innate distrust of medications, but now I'm a strong advocate of situational anti-anxiety drugs for Aspies, they really can make formerly intolerable situations not just bearable but actually pretty good. I *like* being the only guy in the kitchen who's not stressing the huge backup and who is calmly but quickly putting everything in order; my employer likes me being that guy too.

Something of the kind happens to me at times - a thing will happen that (I guess) ought to be triggering a strong negative emotion in me, but all I will feel is a weird sense of shock.....an alarm bell will seem to go off inside me and my hands might start to tremble slightly. Later - typically 2 or 3 days later - I will start to see what the feelings are and why I had them. It's not a conscious process with me, and I don't know if it's just alexithymia or if it's a defense mechanism to make sure I don't make an inappropriate reaction to the event....if I don't know how I feel or what exactly has upset me, how can I react properly? At the time I just feel the need to get away from it and process the thing in my head so I can decide what to do about it.