Have little things ever ruined your relationship?

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CrazyStarlightRedux
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14 Jan 2012, 3:04 pm

I am a curious guy really as I haven't dated a girl in many years (and they seem to fail anyways).

My first girlfriend really annoyed me by lying about what she did such as smoking and drinking. (Smoking even more because I could tell she wanted a drag once and let her know that I wasn't happy by her previous lie).

Some things can annoy me but I usually let things slide if I have a good friendship/relationship with people as I am a nice guy and would rather be thought of as a gentlemen rather then someone who can't be pleased.

So to anyone who is currently in a relationship or anyone who have been in relationships, has anything annoyed you that it potentially ruined/is ruining a relationship because of something your partner does/did?

Obviously anything confidential should stay as much as I warn you to keep your secrets in check as it wouldn't be nice if a user uses this against you for the future.

Discuss!



hyperlexian
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14 Jan 2012, 3:44 pm

lying has always been a major relationship-killer for me too. depending on circumstances there isn't much that i will not forgive if a person comes clean about it, but if a person doesn't tell me straight-up then i have trouble letting it go. i've broken up with people for lying too much. i know it's uncomfortable to the other person to have to face up to whatever they've done (and i will likely be angry about whatever it is), but at least the relationship has a chance of surviving if there is honesty.

i tend to overdo the honesty as i feel like withholding information is th same as lying, but i am coming to learn that sometimes people don't want to know everything.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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14 Jan 2012, 3:55 pm

I don't sweat the small stuff, but if there are larger problems within the relationship the small things start to get to me... in a big way.


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nick007
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14 Jan 2012, 6:53 pm

I had lots of problems in my 1st relationship because of little things. She was ditzy & flaky like she would say she would call, message or IM me at a certain time & she would get caught up with something or a friend would ask her to hang out or something & she would not call message or IM when she told me she would. She also smoked, did drugs, drank & burned herself; most all this was occasional & she was trying to quit it but I did not want her doing it at all ever. The reason this stuff was a problem for me was because I was having panic attacks worrying about her & I became very controlling & angry with her as a result.


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CrazyStarlightRedux
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14 Jan 2012, 6:57 pm

nick007 wrote:
I had lots of problems in my 1st relationship because of little things. She was ditzy & flaky like she would say she would call, message or IM me at a certain time & she would get caught up with something or a friend would ask her to hang out or something & she would not call message or IM when she told me she would. She also smoked, did drugs, drank & burned herself; most all this was occasional & she was trying to quit it but I did not want her doing it at all ever. The reason this stuff was a problem for me was because I was having panic attacks worrying about her & I became very controlling & angry with her as a result.


This sounds similar to mine, although mine never burned herself but she was kind of daft....which I am shocked at myself for going out with her (it was a pity date).

The controlling part feels closest to home though...now I would rather not get too close to loving someone as I know I would be slightly angry if she did something I disapprove of.



hartzofspace
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14 Jan 2012, 7:12 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
lying has always been a major relationship-killer for me too. depending on circumstances there isn't much that i will not forgive if a person comes clean about it, but if a person doesn't tell me straight-up then i have trouble letting it go. i've broken up with people for lying too much. i know it's uncomfortable to the other person to have to face up to whatever they've done (and i will likely be angry about whatever it is), but at least the relationship has a chance of surviving if there is honesty.

i tend to overdo the honesty as i feel like withholding information is th same as lying, but i am coming to learn that sometimes people don't want to know everything.

I cannot tolerate lying, either. It distorts my reality!


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nick007
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14 Jan 2012, 7:18 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I had lots of problems in my 1st relationship because of little things. She was ditzy & flaky like she would say she would call, message or IM me at a certain time & she would get caught up with something or a friend would ask her to hang out or something & she would not call message or IM when she told me she would. She also smoked, did drugs, drank & burned herself; most all this was occasional & she was trying to quit it but I did not want her doing it at all ever. The reason this stuff was a problem for me was because I was having panic attacks worrying about her & I became very controlling & angry with her as a result.


This sounds similar to mine, although mine never burned herself but she was kind of daft....which I am shocked at myself for going out with her (it was a pity date).

The controlling part feels closest to home though...now I would rather not get too close to loving someone as I know I would be slightly angry if she did something I disapprove of.

I thought her ditzyness was funny & really CUTE in the begging before I started worrying about her over it.

Is being controlling related to anxiety for you as well? I handled that in my 2nd relationship a lot better. I was very watchful for bad patterns & behavior in myself & tried to work on the issues instead of being contorting; talking to her & listening to her tell me all about her day helped me feel a little better & worry less because I knew what was going on. I started taking Buspar for anxiety after having a major panic attack worrying about her when I had no reason to(I've done a bit of research before trying it) that helped me relax more & she liked me better on it. I'm still taking it. I don't want to derail this thread anymore but your welcome to PM me if you'd like


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CrazyStarlightRedux
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14 Jan 2012, 7:24 pm

nick007 wrote:
I thought her ditzyness was funny & really CUTE in the begging before I started worrying about her over it.

Is being controlling related to anxiety for you as well? I handled that in my 2nd relationship a lot better. I was very watchful for bad patterns & behavior in myself & tried to work on the issues instead of being contorting; talking to her & listening to her tell me all about her day helped me feel a little better & worry less because I knew what was going on. I started taking Buspar for anxiety after having a major panic attack worrying about her when I had no reason to(I've done a bit of research before trying it) that helped me relax more & she liked me better on it. I'm still taking it. I don't want to derail this thread anymore but your welcome to PM me if you'd like


Cool, although I found mine to be so annoying as I found it kind of fake after awhile.

Yeah, I guess it did up to a point...but when she dumped me and tried to go out with my Best Friend two weeks later, I really couldn't forgive her (I didn't care that she was dating him, she did it to get me jealous).

I was kind of manipulated in my second relationship, she only dated me to sweeten her friends up I think...but I was pretty cunning as it did hurt me that she refused to kiss me or take any pictures, so I just neglected her and her friends which made me an enemy of them for months (they lied about me and stuff whilst I ignored them, ironically I found advise in my worst male enemy during a small confrontation with the girls).

That's a good thing and I shall. :D



DC1977
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15 Jan 2012, 9:23 am

It's always the little things, be it the way she or he eats chips, or cracks their knuckles, to remembering the exact way she or he likes their coffee or what their favourite ice cream flavour is.



hartzofspace
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15 Jan 2012, 12:21 pm

DC1977 wrote:
It's always the little things, be it the way she or he eats chips, or cracks their knuckles, to remembering the exact way she or he likes their coffee or what their favourite ice cream flavour is.

But did that serve to ruin the relationship?


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DC1977
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15 Jan 2012, 12:29 pm

Sorry, it was a purely hypothetical observation, not something that I have experienced in a relationship, though I do find such things affect non intimate relationships as well.

Didn't mean to derail the topic