A question about looks and physical attraction

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This has been an issue for me most of my life, but I only recently though to ask anyone with AS about it. I've been told different things by different people about physical attraction. If it's important or not. Some say yes and some say no. If you're with someone it's important to be attracted to them, or looks shouldn't matter, no matter what. I agree with both sides, but it's hard to reconcile the two. I try very hard not to judge people based on looks, but I can't help it if I'm attracted to certain things and certain women. What I'm attracted to doesn't exactly fit what society and culture shows us, but some of it I like. I don't want to sound shallow, but should I just not think like this anymore? And with my bad luck with women, should I just take what I can get? My standards are pretty low and I'm open minded. Unless there is something about someone I just can't stand, I give people a chance. And I know I shouldn't settle, but do I have a right to choose? Like beggars can't be choosers you know? Also I know it may sound like I just care about looks, but that's so far from wrong. It's just part of it. And ultimately if I had the chance to be with someone who was great looking, but the chemistry just wasn't there, I wouldn't bother with it. I'd rather be with someone who was considered average and have the greatest thing in the world. I just always have this nagging issue in the back of my mind. I think I've said everything, but if I've missed something please let me know. Thanks everyone.

I am mixed about this myself.

I have physical characteristics that I like in a woman, but they are in such high demand that I pretty much given up on them.

Tim

Is physical attraction important?
Survey says:
It depends on who you ask.
Abby or Landers or one of those people said looks come first and last in a relationship. They get the phone ringing, after that they're not very important.

When someone has a beautiful personality, they become beautiful physically. In my opinion.

Scientifically, beauty is a way if finding the healthiest mate to have healthy children with. Because in nature beautiful mean healthy. I am surprised that many NT don’t know this or many Aspies forget about it.

If considering having children, the health of the mother is very important. Looks and Age and Spectrum are very important. For example if I was to date a Aspie who is a few years older them me say 39 and lacks looks, I am really asking for trouble. The child is almost certain to be autistic or some sort of problem.

If I was to date a 25 year old good looking NT girl, I don’t think I would have any reservation about having children with her. Though sometime those NT girls who have an interest in my often are closer to the autistic spectrum them most.

I'd actually be more interested in women who I am not all that physically attracted to. For me, chemical attraction just messes with my head and makes things far more awkward than normal.

The most important thing for me is for the other person had a mind (personality and intelligence) that I could respect.

It's important not to worry about it. It's more about focusing on who you would be happy with, and not letting society, your friends, or your family dictate what's important.



You can tell a lot about a person by how they look, specifically, how much they care about how they look. The trick is to figure out why devote the effort (or lack of) to looking the way they do. Some people don't care that they look like transients, while others are obsessed with looking their best because they're unhappy with themselves.

What do you find attractive? Does it match with how you're presenting yourself?



How do you expect to be happy if you're not happy with who you're with?



That nagging is being afraid that your friends or family will judge you based upon who you're with. How's that for shallow? Will you be less of a person if you don't meet someone else's standards?

I don't feel looks in a girl are too important to me. There are many girls I've seen where the average man would find them attractive, but not me, as it seems that they won't have the personality to match. I'm not the kind of guy who would read magazines like 'nuts', as those kinds of girls don't interest me.

I can become attracted to a girl who the average man would consider average, or maybe even unattractive, as long as they have the right personality and state of mind. I'm not sure it's possible to tell from looks alone, though.

You shouldn't feel guilty about being attracted to good looks. It's the result of evolution, and is entirely natural. A lot of people say "looks don't matter", but that's usually because it's more socially acceptable, or they've come to believe that since they themselves aren't good looking. Let's face it though, you simply do not ever see gorgeous young women married to balding old men, or vices versa - at least not outside some adds on TV.

People do care about looks, even if they say they don't. Perhaps there are a few genuine exceptions on a board as unusual as this, but those people are rare. Being attracted to looks is as natural as being attracted to the opposite sex at all. Just don't let that get in the way of finding someone special.

I know what you mean. It's like if you're too attracted to them, then you're just there..talking nonsense while looking at them like *lalalala dreaaammmy*. It's fun for awhile, but usually doesn't go anywhere.

NT often give a lot of crap to seem politically correct.

Quite alot of people can go by "looks" but I think a good personality in people can really count.

Do looks matter? I'd be lying if I said they didn't. Like many people, I agree that I think that's just evolution though. The way I see it, the first impression I get is what someone looks like. It's not like "I am sensitive and love dogs" is scrawled on the person's forehead when you first meet them. Looks only matter to a point though, of course. I once dated this guy that I was absolutely smitten with only to find that he was the dullest person I've ever met. I gave him two more dates and then decided I couldn't see him anymore.

Also, the thing about lowering your standards is bull. I don't think you should "settle" for a person you don't really like. That will just create problems later on.

-M

Yep, BOTH looks and personality are important. One may compensate the other to a certain extent, but not totally.

I see your point their.

I look at the picture of your beautiful car, and I already know that it has a good strong engine under the hood.