Any positive experiences, to cheer me up?

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ClimbingIvies
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17 Jan 2012, 9:11 pm

I've gotten better at spotting attraction, and picking up social skills, but I'm still not sure how to go beyond that. It's really difficult, it seems. Has anyone had better luck than me?



Grisha
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17 Jan 2012, 10:09 pm

Not me.



goodwitchy
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17 Jan 2012, 11:52 pm

Hi ClimbingIvies,

Decades before my pre-self-diagnosis, I reluctantly went to a social gathering (I was 27 at the time). I had basically sworn off marriage and dating for the rest of my life (and I was already going through a contested divorce from an abusive alcoholic).


I had no plans to meet anyone, I just went to this gathering because it was a birthday party and I felt more obligated than anything else. I hid most of the day which was easy because there were quite a few people to hide behind.


Then my eyes happened to meet the eyes of this guy who I instantly was attracted to. I turned red from embarrassment :oops: , but he noticed me - then we moved away from the crowd and started talking about his theories of the universe. *ding*

I was hooked and yet I didn't want to be, but only because I had been so sure I would be celibate for the rest of my life.

(Really, I was going to become a cloistered nun and never have to deal with relationships again).


After we talked all night (he shared my interests and he did most of the talking), I realized I had to decide if I would take a chance again.


I made the right decision. He turned out to be an awesome guy. We're together 20 years, and we still talk about theories of the universe (and other interesting topics), and we both play guitar and enjoy music.


He's a very very understanding NT. He gives me my space, and I give him his space. I asked him recently what attracted him to me - he said because I was very unique / different than other females.



It can work. You can meet someone you'll be compatible with. Remember one thing though - no person is perfect, and every marriage has challenges.


I don't know if that cheered you up, but that is my story.

PS - this is very personal for me to share, but I don't like knowing that anyone is hurting, and I hope this will help. Who says people with AS traits don't have empathy?


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Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19


Rax
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18 Jan 2012, 2:33 am

I just learned to do backflips. Not really inspiring, but the moral of the story is that you can do nearly anything, but fear is holding you back


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ChrisP
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18 Jan 2012, 3:59 am

Just, a few months after being pensioned off as an unsociable misanthrope, last night I survived going out to dinner at a home I hadn't been to before, meeting some people I'd never met before, and eating a menu of which I hadn't previously been informed.

I survived OK (even enjoyed myself?), but today I am exhausted!



ArtemisHolmes
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18 Jan 2012, 7:09 am

Yes, I've had better luck. For social interaction alone, as long as you're looking to improve, experience and observation skills are all that are really needed.

As for better luck in the L&D category... Why yes, I consider myself very lucky. Met someone on WP who's so similar to me. Not just in personality, or family history, or political views, or morals (Though all of those things and more), but she has understanding like I do. A sense of humor. A sense of great, oh so great love. When I'm with her, I feel as though I have finally found home. Home isn't just where you feel feel safest or most comfortable, but it's the place where you belong. Where the past is thought about, the present is enjoyed, and the future dreamed about and planned. :heart:

And I found this amazing thing because I took the initiative by contacting her first.


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munch15a
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18 Jan 2012, 10:19 pm

um I had some really good pie today that was positive


but yeah in terms of romance none at all

In terms of friends yes is something you have to learn and if you muck it up get back on the horse or try again with some other people



Wolfheart
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19 Jan 2012, 6:15 am

ClimbingIvies wrote:
I've gotten better at spotting attraction, and picking up social skills, but I'm still not sure how to go beyond that. It's really difficult, it seems. Has anyone had better luck than me?


You should use negative experiences as a means of trial and error, negative experiences can have a positive outcome if you look at them differently. Again, it's one thing creating a good first impression but that's only part of the battle, developing and maintaining a relationship involves emotional reciprocity and empathy and that is a completely different ball game for people on the spectrum, it can be emotionally draining and difficult.

Maybe you are approaching the wrong crowd or wrong type of people, you will most likely meet dynamic people in nightclubs and bars, maybe you would be better off going to community classes, libraries or somewhere you could meet someone in a more relaxed, static environment.