Disconnected
I don't have any friends. I talk to my mother and sister almost daily but rather than having it be a sort of a mutual enjoyment sort of thing I think they just listen to me because they know I have no one else to talk to. I have a partner but he says he has a low "mental stamina" meaning he can only handle minimal amounts of my kind of talking (I think thats the case for most people). I want to share with people but whenever I try to connect with someone and share something I end up boring them or they only want to hear minimal details.
I'm left with a feeling of being disconnected. I overwhelm people before I ever get the chance to express myself and get stuck with a terrible feeling that I dont know what to do with.
Can anyone relate?
Does anyone have any tips for either getting over these disconnected feeling or expressing things in a way that doesnt bore the other person but allows me to express myself?
I can totally relate.
I don't have any friends (outside of internet) now either, except my husband and I'm wary about how much I load my interests and issues on him.
I do have some acquaintances, but no one I can really talk to deeply about much.
I've been using this forum as my social connection.
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Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19
Yeah-- I can relate. Even with the handful of people I call family and friends, there's this feeling that I just don't fit. I've stopped trying to do anything about it or worrying about it-- I just figure it's part and parcel of AS and that's the way it is.
I write things down a lot. Then if they come up in conversation with the few people I talk to, if I'm really lucky I can say them concisely enough that I don't wear out their patience before I get my point across.
It's tiring, and time consuming. As I get older and have more kids, I find it's easiest to just talk less.
Trying to learn to cultivate silence and completion within. Not, like, "I need no one, I am an island." That just makes me angry. More like, "I am a tree. I stand here with other trees and watch the world go by. Squirrels like to hide nuts in my leaves. I am a tree."
Like-- I am connected with Life. That's connected enough.
I don't think it's going to work very well. Lonely.
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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"