Too ''intelligent'' to need any support as an adult

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Right now I am struggling with life due to anxiety and lack of normal social skills, and it is more disabling than it looks. But apparently doctors seem to think that just because my IQ level is average it means I ''don't need'' the kind of support I rightfully do need. So I tend to slip through the cracks on this one. People seem to think that just because one has average to above average intelligence, that person is going to get on well in life. But it isn't always right. Lacking social skills makes life even more awkward because that's all this world is built for, is people with normal social skills. People who lack these things get pushed aside, ignored, and even discriminated against.

I am currently on job-seekers, and I am finding it too overwhelming. I am expected to do as much job search as anyone else, and if I don't do what they are expecting out of me, they will stop my benefit, or give me a bollocking. It's not that I'm expecting them to let me get away with doing nothing. It's more a matter of principle - I am trying my best but some things I struggle at like talking on the phone, using websites to apply for jobs, and keeping on top of my CV. Also I need some help getting settled into work once I start, and then once I'm settled I should be OK. Change and new things does also make me anxious and sometimes I can become absent-minded when anxious, and also I have trouble verbally explaining things, like wording things, etc.

Looking for work requires normal social skills. I have got myself referred to different Adult Support groups lots of times, but they've all told me the same thing. There is a special job centre somewhere where people go who have disabilities, like Down's Syndrome, and those sorts of things. It's a shame I couldn't get in there because I will feel less pressurized and more happy and relaxed, and I would be able to look for work at my own pace and with the help of a support worker.

What do you think? Do you think it's fair that those who lack social skills get pushed aside and you only got to have under XY intelligence to be able to get the right support? Does anyone else have this trouble finding support? It's so hard having mild AS - I just wish I had Mental Retardation or just be neurotypical.

The only help I need as an adult is basically guidance. I get lost over the smallest things a normal person wouldn't notice and don't know where to start. When I was a kid, I NEEDED help in school, but apparently my intelligence was too high. We lived in the boondocks and didn't really have any access to anything. The closest city, Cincinnati, was over an hour away. My little hick school wasn't really no help either. Everyone was white trash scum or a conservative redneck. Even most of the teachers seemed lower than Neanderthals.

Isn't your IQ 75? That is actually below average. I can't believe people with borderline mental retardation would slip through the cracks. I can remember my school counselor telling me people who have mind of a teen are considered normal and can get by in life like everyone else.


I have mild AS and how on earth did I get help? I wonder if my early history had to do with it or something or maybe it had to do with where I lived. I don't understand why people push mild aside and assume mild means you need no support in life and you just need to try harder is all and you can do it.

I get support but in the wrong ways!

Because I have anxiety and depression issues etc I am often treated as though I have the IQ of a baboon. People tell me things that are quite simple to understand (particularly on days when I don't have brain fog from hell caused (I think) by my medication) and then add "And I know that is complicated" on the end.

Whenever I talk to them about going back to work because being at home bored out of my head is driving me nuts they say "We don't think you can cope with that" and when I mentioned studying for my degree the reply was "won't that be too stressful".

I have even been asked questions like "Do you know how to run a house"

Err I have lived on my own since I was 17 thanks. I am now 36.

Now granted on days when I feel so ill with fatigue and brain fog that I need to go to bed until I can at least cope with being sat upright again, no I probably won't cope with working but it's not for the reasons that they seem to think.

I was getting A grades when I was last at University, most things that people refer to as 'complicated' really are not 'complicated' to understand at all. They seem to think I would find it stressful learning a new job...

I have never found learning stressful in my life...quite the opposite actually...it is relaxing and (provided what I am learning is complex enough) it gives me the intellectual stimulation that I need. Without that stimulation my mental health deteriorates and my mood sinks fast, mostly because I am bored to the point of it almost inducing insanity.

Their suggestion? Go out for a walk or do some house work. Huh yeah I can see how figuring out how to put one foot in front of the other and how to plug the hoover in can really stimulate and challenge my brain...NOT

Their approach is boring me out of my damn mind. So I went ahead and started studying for my degree anyway and went against their advice. I now feel much better mood wise as I am getting what I need and doing what I love most in life...Academics.

Now do I get any help with the socialising? No, none. That is something they say will just come naturally to me when I relax. Yup ok I can talk to a webcam...I don't have to interact with it, it's not a two way thing. I don't have to read it's body language or know how to respond to it. I just talk at it and it records me. Same goes for typing in text...vastly different to interacting with people one on one or in a group in the flesh, but socialising and making friends is completely different kettle of fish.

Aside from the fact that I really don't fit in and have always felt different from my peers, I have always struggled when it comes to making social chit chat etc (mostly because I prefer to talk about something of more importance much of the time). Therapists just think that my feeling different was in my imagination but I am not so sure. When I was tested by a child psychologist at 13 their tests did not show up mental illness (Aspergers was not in the DSM in those days as it was back in the 80s)..instead they concluded that my intellectual and moral development was well beyond my years but that I was emotionally immature, over sensitive and far too idealistic.

Now I wonder about that as I may have been the same physical age as my peers but I was not at the same stages of development...maybe that is why I always felt so different from them? I found it much easier to socialise with people many years my senior, they were much easier to talk to and could keep up with what I was saying most of the time.

I had hoped that as I got older things would even out and my development would then match that of my peers but even now my moral development tests as being beyond my years and I am a higher academic grade average than most of the people I meet and get to socialise with, so I still feel like a misfit.

There are times I wonder if that is the reason I cannot socialise with most people (they seem highly illogical to me as their logic is often poorly thought out) or if I have an ASD. I do have certain traits including physical sensitivities (I am as emotionally and physically sensitive as I am academically bright) and a tendency to be incredibly intense about my hobbies and interests. However in the latter category my interests are more intense than strange or bizarre.

I do know that there is more going on than just social anxiety...

I have told every therapist and support worker I have ever had that I can't mix with people and it gets ignored.

So in a nutshell...they advise against me doing what I am bloody good at, talk to me like an idiot when I am probably brighter than they are and expect me to be able to do the one thing I have struggled with most of my life.

Yes I can see how the support is useful to me...

If you want support, make sure you push for support that you actually need. Otherwise it is just a nightmare.

Unfortunately most of the resources out there are for individuals with severe cognitive deficits, and the work programs for such individuals are often menial.

I've been working on an outline for the types of services those with AS might find useful, though I would not necessarily know who to approach with this, or how to approach them. I suppose that's one of the issues that should be included in the outline.

I would like to see us support independent Asperger's / Autism Spectrum social services by, say, Internet music businesses (9 out of 10 of these will fail, but the ones that work will really make money).

Yes, I want us to dream. We can also do bake sales and that's fine. But I'd like us to have the seed money which enables us to take some real chances with some stuff that might really work out.

And I'd like us to provide job coaching and job advocacy for regular and in fact for good jobs.

Tough. I understand their point of view, you by all accounts should be able to work in a relatively normal job, provided that you can find one that suits you and gives you a little slack. You need some help, but it's pretty hard to define what that help should be..

When I was briefly unemployed I did find the job centre pretty lack lustre, I clearly needed help with interview technique, but when I raised this they pretty much laughed at me. I didn't survive long on job seekers anyway as I failed to sign on once or twice and I gave up in the end.

If you want the help you have to play their game I suppose. I don't see why you can't ask them to get more actively involved in your job hunting, if you need some help with the applications and coaching and organisation, then they should help you. IMO they should be providing this service to anyone who requests it and is committed to getting a job.

I see this is stressing you out, but getting your CV up to date once and getting your details together for a job application form should be a one time thing for any bout of job hunting. Most employers are more than happy to take online or e-mailed applications and many employers actually insist on it. I can thoroughly recommend cvwriting.net's CV building and review service for CV writing assistance, it costs a little, but worth it.

Good luck!

Jason.

Seems to be a common occurrence nowadays in Western countries for people who can string a sentence together and barely do things (at the expense of great anxiety).

I heard a good bit of advice from someone: interact with them as if you're at your worst in regards to your disorder (I never had to as I couldn't talk anyway, but it makes sense). You can only do as much as your "worst" after all, as your worst is what manifests when you're really anxious and overwhelmed; when you can barely do something, you're often anxious and overwhelmed.

Sorry, I haven't read the replies, so don't know if anyone's mentioned this:

Remploy http://www.remploy.co.uk/employment-ser ... -help.ashx will help you find a job and also support you once you've gained employment.

You can be referred to them by your JobCentre. Also, if you're not already speaking to the JobCentre's Disability Employment Advisor ask for an appointment with them at your next sign-on session.