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Mikah
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24 Mar 2021, 12:45 pm

https://babylonbee.com/news/ted-cruz-do ... on-centers

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Ted Cruz Dons All-White Suit To Cry Outside Biden's Detention Centers

DONNA, TX—After disturbing pictures were released of conditions inside migrant detention facilities on the border, Senator Ted Cruz donned a bright white suit and visited the border with a camera crew to weep bitterly outside the chain-link fence.

"I'm here to see what's really going on down here," said Cruz, tears streaming down his face. "It's even worse than I thought. These are literal concentration camps. The president is literally Hitler. I can't believe this is happening in America."

Cruz then doubled over, overcome with grief as camera flashes went off.

"WHHHYYYYYYYY? Oh, the humanity!" he cried, screaming toward the sky.

The Texas senator then posted the photos on social media so the world could share in his righteous indignation. Unfortunately, Twitter and Facebook suspended his account for taking unauthorized photos of a federal facility.


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Gromit
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24 Mar 2021, 1:34 pm

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Brictoria
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26 Mar 2021, 1:24 am

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Gromit
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28 Mar 2021, 12:59 pm

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Mikah
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29 Mar 2021, 5:17 am

The planets align once in a while and SNL actually produce something funny.


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IsabellaLinton
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30 Mar 2021, 3:34 pm

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Misslizard
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30 Mar 2021, 7:44 pm

/\It must have been dumpster diving outside a Indian restaurant digging for a samosa.


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Mikah
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31 Mar 2021, 5:05 am

https://babylonbee.com/news/qanon-gener ... eping-bags

QAnon Generously Donating Tin Foil Hats To Make Migrant Sleeping Bags

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EL PASO, TX—With Biden's border facilities becoming more crowded by the hour, the U.S. is facing a severe shortage of tin foil, since-- according to ICE, immigrants prefer to sleep wrapped up in it. In response, followers of "Q" have generously agreed to donate extra tin foil hats to address the urgent need.

"It's the least I can do," said local QAnon chapter president Dave Smith. "I feel for those poor kids. I just hope they can all escape that border facility before Tom Hanks eats them all."

According to "Q" members, the tin foil will protect migrants from the cold-- as well as cosmic radiation, mind control, vaccine-infected zombies, and Jeffrey Epstein, in case he's still alive.

Officials are warning, however, that if the crisis on the border isn't fixed soon, they'll have to start using Saran Wrap.


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funeralxempire
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05 Apr 2021, 1:22 pm


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Mikah
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05 Apr 2021, 5:48 pm

^ Does that really belong in this thread? Pretty sure that's an atheist really trying to "argue". I suppose it might be a parody of an edgy teenage atheist who thinks he's intelligent - in which case it does belong and I withdraw my objection.


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Brictoria
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06 Apr 2021, 12:53 am

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Mikah
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08 Apr 2021, 7:08 am

https://babylonbee.com/news/60-minutes- ... ith-hitler

60 Minutes Releases Exclusive Secret Photos Of Ron DeSantis Clubbing Baby Seals With Hitler

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TALLAHASSEE, FL—In response to being caught deceptively editing a statement by Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, who later called them "lairs" for pushing a "fake narrative," CBS hit back today with another bombshell.

Several photos, described by CBS as "totally real and authentic," appear to show DeSantis clubbing baby seals with his best friend Adolf Hitler.

"We are shocked and saddened by this terrible reveal of Desantis's past," said correspondent Sharyn Alfonsi. "It would appear from these completely undoctored photographs, that Ron DeSantis is both a fan of clubbing baby seals and a Nazi. Please know that I am just as saddened by this news as I'm sure the rest of the country is."

In a statement, Governor DeSantis replied: "This is not true! I love baby seals! And I've never met Hitler!"

60 Minutes later reported the Governor's statement as: "This is... true! I love [clubbing] baby seals! And I've... met Hitler!"

The governor later thanked CBS for helping to launch his presidential campaign.


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Brictoria
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15 Apr 2021, 7:52 pm

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funeralxempire
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18 Apr 2021, 12:16 am


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"If you stick a knife in my back 9 inches and pull it out 6 inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that's not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made... and they won't even admit the knife is there." Malcolm X
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


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23 Apr 2021, 3:32 pm

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funeralxempire
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25 Apr 2021, 11:15 pm

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"If you stick a knife in my back 9 inches and pull it out 6 inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that's not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made... and they won't even admit the knife is there." Malcolm X
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う