Not being distressed (recalling a childhood memory)

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Mayel
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01 Feb 2012, 5:34 pm

I remember that when I was 11 I had an occurrence which makes me wonder why I behaved the way I did and not differently.

I had to go to some music class and I had to use the metro to go there. At the metro station, suddenly two girls appeared who, for no apparent reason, started to pull my bag, scarf, hit me and dragged me on the floor. I didn't get hurt really but I looked really messy after they stopped. (And nobody did stop them, too)
Anyway, I didn't start to cry or anything, I just stood up and went to my class. When my teacher saw me she asked me what had happened and sent me immediately back home and called my parents. I must have looked badly. At home I recalled what had happened but composed and quiet.

So I wonder,...why didn't I scream or cry or lash out or go home but just went on with all?

Did something like this happen to anyone here?
(Having experienced something bad but acted as if nothing happened)



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01 Feb 2012, 5:39 pm

You may have been conditionned to accept your fate because of the repetition of situations where you were not understood by other people. It is called "learned helplessness". I noticed this in me too. Thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that you must always keep some energy to overcome the situation and say stop or ask for help. Like administrator rights on a computer, you keep it and use it only in case of emergency, and then you temporarily don't pay attention of any social considerations like how you would look like, is it normal or not etc.



Sora
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01 Feb 2012, 5:58 pm

Yes, I have behaved in a similar manner for years. My parents hardly learnt of anything good or bad that happened to me elsewhere.

It can be a typically autistic behaviour to separate certain "rooms" so to say or "areas" of life, such as that home is distinctly different from school to the point that an autistic person can do one thing at home but cannot do the same thing under very similar circumstances at school and vice versa. Exchange of information can also be restricted within such an "area". That can mean that the child or adult will not share information from school at home or of what had happened in one area such as in a store or on the street with another person who was not there. And that can be like this for several reasons.

The main reason why I did not inform my parents about something that had happened at school or did not inform one adult of what another adult had said or done (even if I was beaten up by that adult) was because it never occurred to me to tell. Cognitively, I was aware of that other children told about it when they'd been teased or just go into a lengthy monologue about what they'd seen at the zoo last week.

If I'd been smacked by a guy an hour ago, I remembered it just fine but didn't think of telling my mom of it unless she asked me specifically if I'd been hit. If she'd only ask about if something had happened, I wouldn't know what to tell her and would attempt to tell her everything.

I had a lot of issues with information exchange... well, it's still not going smoothly for countless reasons.


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btbnnyr
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01 Feb 2012, 6:04 pm

Sora wrote:
The main reason why I did not inform my parents about something that had happened at school or did not inform one adult of what another adult had said or done (even if I was beaten up by that adult) was because it never occurred to me to tell. Cognitively, I was aware of that other children told about it when they'd been teased or just go into a lengthy monologue about what they'd seen at the zoo last week.


This was me too. It did not occur to me to tell about good or bad things, whether a perfect score on a test or getting stung by a bee in the schoolyard. There was just no instinct and no impulse to do so. Answering questions was difficult as well. My parents never knew about anything that I did at preschool or school and always had to ask the teachers, who told them that I never spoke or responded and ignored everyone entirely. I was not aware the others told about things that happened to them. I still have to consciously remember to tell people about things that happen to me. It still does not come naturally to me.



Mayel
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02 Feb 2012, 2:19 am

Sora wrote:
If I'd been smacked by a guy an hour ago, I remembered it just fine but didn't think of telling my mom of it unless she asked me specifically if I'd been hit. If she'd only ask about if something had happened, I wouldn't know what to tell her and would attempt to tell her everything.

I had a lot of issues with information exchange... well, it's still not going smoothly for countless reasons.

Interesting. It hasn't occurred to me to link this kind of behavior with information exchange in general but now that you mention it, I also never talked with my parents about anything that happened to me elsewhere. I never shared information until I was asked. And to be frank, I still do this today.
btbnnyr wrote:
I still have to consciously remember to tell people about things that happen to me. It still does not come naturally to me.

It doesn't come naturally to me, too. But I've learned that if I tell someone about something like good marks, they'll be happy so that's one of the things I do share information about now...about my test scores, exams and such.
But it's quiet difficult to answer the question "So how was your day?" since I don't know what is expected, I also would just recount everything. Just like with the question "how are you?", I'd first have to think if it's a serious question or not and if serious, how do I feel today and why, so again, I would just tell everything and then I'd come to a conclusion about my state.