Eating Disorders

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I struggled with one for years. It maybe started when I was 15 because I started to diet by eating less food by having no seconds and not having any snacks and I would count calories. If I were to have candy, I would have only a few. But back then everyone was praising me and telling me I had such good self control. But basically they were just encouraging the eating disorder I was told. So you don't even need to be starving yourself or over eating to have an eating disorder. It can be the thoughts you have to make you consider having one.

But then I eventually started to starve myself to stay thin and to keep my weight from going up. But before that I would work out on the treadmill until I burned off my whole dinner. My parents weren't worried about me exercising for an hour or burning off my food.

I have been told I was underweight and everyone kept telling me I was too thin but all it did was it made me feel I was supposed to be fat and wanted to lose even more weight and eat even less food. I just felt I had to punish my body if it gained a little weight by giving it less food because I would not let it be fat. It was mostly about control.

I also never understood laxatives people with ED use. I mean why do some of you use them? What is the purpose of them? is it to keep the poop out of you so your weight stays down? Or do you guys get constipated now so you use them to get the BM out?

But I eat normally now and I get full pretty quick. My stomach is small. Pregnancy cured the eating disorder because I had to eat normal to be healthy so I wouldn't ruin my body or lose the baby. But the baby takes the nutrients from your body if you don't eat right so that is why I followed the pregnancy diet like a bible so I could gain the healthy weight and not gain too much weight. but instead all I did was lost weight and only gained baby. I wonder if the eating disorder made me eat healthy and have good willpower. I even cut out sweets from my diet and boxed pasta. I only had a sweet every now and then or Hamburger Helper. The books I had said it would make you gain the unhealthy weight and it be hard to lose after you have the baby so I cut them out of my diet. But I hope my Ed never comes back even if it means pump for the rest of my life so I can eat normally without gaining weight because I would have higher metabolism. I like it when it fluctuates and how I drop a couple pounds every night than dropping only a pound or a few ounces. That was why my ED continued for years because my body wouldn't drop two or three pounds over night like it used to when I would eat during the day. Then the next day I be back down again. I swore I had metabolism problems so I starved myself to stay thin so I wouldn't get fat. I still had food everyday but I usually ate once a day or had something very light. I hated having something heavy because it would make my weight go up a pound or two and then stay that high by the next day than dropping down. But just as long as I pump enough or if my son feeds from my boob enough, my weight will drop over night and my ED will stay away because I wouldn't have to worry about getting fat.

I guess I had anorexia in 6th grade because my medicine all of a sudden took away my appetite so I got thinner and more tired. But that was only for a little bit until my parents figured out it was the pills were causing my problems. I didn't even starve myself to lose weight or to be thin, I just wasn't hungry so I didn't eat. I didn't feel like it either so I didn't.


I checked out the pro ana sites and read about it on wikipedia and saw what it was all about. Encourage people to have eating disorders and to keep having them than to get treated. I wouldn't encourage others to have one because I didn't like having one and I know how bad it is so why would I want others to make the same mistake I made? Then they be stuck with eating very little food because their bodies would easily gain weight due to not enough food. Plus those without one can get sucked into having one without meaning to get one because of what they read on there. I didn't know I had one until mom told me. Things I was doing in high school I had no idea was related to an eating disorder or that I was heading there. I think some people will get one nonetheless because of the way their minds are and once they read information like how to eat healthy or how water is good for you than juice and pop and how if you have calories less than your body needs, you will lose weight and instead it gives the person idea to eat less food so they can loan weight than working out. or what about reading in a magazine that skipping meals makes you gain weight because you eat more at the next meal so instead they get the idea to not eat twice as much as the next meal and they won't gain weight. These thoughts all came to my head and my nutrition teacher told me that was the eating disorder thinking and that is how they normally think when they read things like that. I am sure some people don't even realize they are helping others to have an eating disorder or to get one because they don't realize what they are doing is typical in eating disorders. I didn't even realize it myself so I am sure I have given out ED tips to people on here when it came to losing weight or eating healthy. I can remember telling my ex if he wants to lose weight, starve himself so he burn his body fat. But he told me he would just gain more weight too and explained it to me. I didn't realize it. I did read that our body uses fat for energy and when we run out of calories, our body uses it so it gave me the idea to live off my body fat to lose weight by eating less food and I did that when I was 15.

Face it, there are hidden messages on TV and in books to help people have an eating disorder or to encourage one and it's not even their intent to send that message out there. Even schools will send that message in health class unintentionally because that is what happened to me. The more I learned, the more I headed to the ED phase. You can't win.

Ah, I thought they were the same. Then mine was Anorexia Nervosa....I definitely wanted to lose weight and I wasn't on meds. It's scary to think about now that I could look in the mirror, at 85 lbs and still think I was fat. I was working out like crazy too, so I had some scrawny muscles on my skeleton.

I understand the consequences that can come from laxative abuse. I'm trying to take Metamucil and fiber supplements, so I won't have to rely on them as much. It started off innocently - if you eat irregularly, you expel irregularly - and then became habitual.

It's to purge one's self of weight more quickly, no different from throwing up, really.
Laxative abuse due to actual constipation isn't considered eating disordered, though it can certainly mess you up, physiologically.

I have some sort of eating disorder.

I eat one meal a day usually, starve all day then have a meal. Sometimes I will binge. I am terrified of gaining weight, and still want to lose 10kg.

I've been on medication most of my life that completely f*cked my digestive system and my wohle body is probably a mess.

The thought of eating more than one meal a day really terrifies me and I feel so heavy after I eat too much.

I am just scared it's not going to come out of the other end soon enough.

I was "good", IE, ate and exercised several days last week, and continued to eat in moderation (skipped gym Saturday and Sunday) up until yesterday, which was an epic binge day in it's own right, and let's just say it continued today. ~sigh~

I am now ENDOS with meds causing anorexia. It isn't anorexia nervosa until i get below healthy weight range which I doubt will happen due to my dense bones.

I was all kinds of bulimic. I lean towards compulsive overeating disorder, but I wanted that control and perfection of eating little and being small and skinny. Anorexic mindset + COE appetite = bulimia in my case. I don't purge anymore, but I guess I'm still EDNOS.

I am cycling back into controlling my food intake. I know partly what sets it off: anger and stress mixed with frustration about goals I want or need. I don't purge, don't take any meds, but I'll eat low calorie foods that I know are mostly fiber and water and that keeps the weight coming down. It's a game that I play with myself that is all mine & helps calm me down because no one, certainly not family, can intrude on it. Plus it saves on food bills quite a bit because I don't buy junk food, don't go out to fast food or other restaurants, etc.
To be responsible here: I don't recommend at all.

I came here because I thought I was getting obsessive over my weight. I've always been on the "heavier " end of the BMI but doctors have told me before I was underweight. I see now that I don't really have a problem though so thanks for starting this thread. I have never gone under 1000 calories while trying to lose weight so I guess just thinking about it a lot isn't so bad.

WP never fails to surprise me.

I've struggled with an eating disorder my entire life - bulimia when I was a younger teen and anorexia as an older teen. It's rough stuff - definitely a daily struggle - but I've had much progress through veganism.

Though I've frequented pro-ana blogs, I don't find much comfort in the ana-mia community either. Like most aspects of my life, my eating habits are a product of my obsessive nature. I find solace in being able to carefully control the food and substances entering (and, inevitably, exiting) my body. I'm as nit-pickity about going out to eat with friends as I am about drinking with them.

I have had issues with food,self esteem,depression and body image since I was a teenager.I have binged for years,mainly on foods such as chocolate and chips.I went through a vegan phase,and now eat fish and eggs,so have more protein and healthy fats in my system.I do yoga and run every day.I think I may have Amenorrhea (spelling??) as I have not had my period in a few months.My body asks for me to eat more than I am used to or want to,then I end up eating too much and and bloated,gaining a few pounds seemingly overnight,and not feeling well at all.Today I was really hungry this afternoon,I always need a snack about 3 hours after lunch,so I had a date dipped in raw cacao,but I was still hungry,so I made coconut flour pancakes with banana,coconut oil,blueberries,agave,vanilla,cinnamon,an egg,freshly ground flax seed.It was a lot and I ate it all.Now I am bloated and don't feel well.
I started writing to my body in my journal,promising I will listen to,respect,and love it.But I seem to get so many mixed messages that it's hard to keep up with doing that.I'm hungry all the time,but I don't want to put on weight.It seems like every week,there is at least one day where I over eat and it takes a whole week to come back to "normal." This week I've had two days like that;on Monday I ate so much cacao,then chocolate covered cranberries,then mulberries and dried fruits,I felt really horrible.My stomach is so bloated now,my whole body feels inflated.
Why do I keep doing this? I just want to establish love and harmony and respect and true health in my body.My mother notices how obsessed with food and health I am.I saw a nutritionist a few weeks ago and she said the same thing,that I should see a counselor/therapist,which I am next week.I've never talked to anyone about this before.
I'm so full and actually feel nauseous.After my run I had half a can of coconut water with lemon,then a smoothie with Sun Warrior protein powder,the rest of the coconut water,frozen blueberries,and an apple banana.Then for lunch I made a lot of adzuki beans with a cup of brown rice and steamed carrots and sweet potatoes,dried cranberries,blueberries,some avocado.While waiting for it to cook I had a pear with raspberries,a date dipped in raw cacao,a plum,and some dried apricots.I was still hungry afterwards so I had more dried apricots.I am allergic to nuts and wheat,so I'm quite limited at times,although I have a variety of beans,grains,and have salmon every day,although today I feel much too full to eat anything for dinner.
I would so appreciate anyone saying anything,giving any support.It's scary when you are afraid of your body and what it is trying to tell you,and establishing the balance.
Thank you for reading.

Everyone in this thread. You are hardly alone. I once read a study somewhere where in their sample size of women with asperger's, one in five had anorexia. I found that interesting, because I don't know where they got their sample from, but that's pretty damn high. And there seems to be plenty of us.

I myself have recovered from anorexia nervosa.

It's a long story on how I developed it, I was underweight even as a child, and all throughout my teen years (me being underweight as a child I think had to do more with food intolerance than anything, as I was fed pretty bad quality cheap food that gave me horrible stomach aches, diarrhea and constipation-- my family was pretty broke and you won't eat when it makes you feel awful). And too, with the extreme constipation I had as a child, I sometimes abused laxatives as a result. It didn't start off that way, but it certainly ended up that way when I was still abusing laxatives even when my diet improved. It also didn't help that I was prescribed medicine that didn't give me an appetite (think adhd stimulants like ritalin and adderall, and later on the snri effexor), but it had gotten to a point after a while, that it was way more psychological than just a lack of appetite from the medicine. I didn't start off at anorexia nervosa, but I certainly descended into the madness. I also developed over-exercising as a teen as well. I'm convinced that once our brains get to a certain point, it stops being able to see things clearly once things dip below a certain point.

I'd say I got at my worst with restriction at 18-19 though. Then I sought help at 20. I think there were a lot of things at the root of it. I grew up in a home where no matter what I did it was never good enough, so I developed perfectionistic tendencies trying to "measure up" before I got my AS diagnosis explaining what was essentially going on with me. In the end, I was never enough and found myself flipping backwards in the hamster wheel every time I tried my hardest. I think it was hard for my parents to accept the fact that I wasn't that normal kid that they implied that they wanted.

I also retreated into myself when I was severely bullied at school, and starving gave me a coping mechanism of not giving two f**ks when I was stuck on survival mode. I really wish something else could be of use for me to not give two f**ks in an ordinary day, but we all have to mourn the good bad and the ugly when it comes to the purposes of something when we can no longer do and be healthy at the same time for our own good (even bad things can have good things to mourn-- it's part of the process of acknowledging it in order to let it go). As a result, when I started recovering, all of the emotional baggage I had be stowing away in me came spilling out with a vengeance since I was no longer starving/stuffing it below the surface. My parents couldn't handle that well either. In typical fashion every time it came up they did their usual and barked out judgement.

There were a lot of things they just couldn't handle about me, whether it was my free spirit (my mom is a control freak-- I think that desire to control her environment stems from her growing up in an extremely dysfunctional household), or that any time my sexuality would surface in any way (even anything that could be mildly taken sexually or the appearance of sexy like a mini skirt), it was greeted with buckets of animosity come my teen years and even into my 20's. So basically instead of loving my changing female body, I shunned it. Mom would critique my appearance and everything I would do would be dissected. She "cared' more about it than anyone else, although I would've preferred if someone were to judge and critique me, it NOT be someone I would be stuck living with. Home is supposed to be a sanctuary.

I just remember huddling in my room with the headphones listening to Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill that my sister's friend dubbed for me when I was 11 (since I know that my parents CERTAINLY wouldn't have approved me to listen to that at 11). "All I Really Want" just understood me and my pain with dealing with my mother so perfectly. I also listened to a lot of the Cranberries (in fact, I stole one of my older sister's cassettes and pretended she lost it for 2 years straight when I kept it to myself when I was 10). Come to find out later, both Alanis and Dolores both had eating disorder struggles and it would be no surprise that I could just feel my pain through the roughness of their music even at my young age.

Someone asked about pro-ana/pro-mia sites? They can go ride off of a cliff and go DIAF. I'm sick of them trying to lure people back in, and their cronies going in to devalue people who are in recovery (I remember when I was on a blogging site back in the day, I would have to kick these people out of my recovery blogring because they'd attempt to recruit people from the ring to go relapse and have sick contests with them, then of course, they would message me with jabba-the-hut "good luck have fun getting fat" style insults once I gave them the boot). I was already deep enough in the throes that I didn't need those sites and didn't even know about them until I was already in recovery.

In terms of the OP, I don't think it's fair to attempt diagnosing the OP. That's like trying to devalue the intensity of her struggles, and there have been many people aside from that with EDNOS who struggle to get treatment, nonetheless people with fullblown anorexia or bulimia who still struggle to get proper treatment. As sick as I was, living in america, even at 30 lbs underweight, my insurance at the time had THE NERVE, to tell me I wasn't "sick enough" for them to help pay for visits to a nutritionist. They did pay for half of CBT, but that was still $50 out of pocket every week. I didn't bother going inpatient, as I wanted to focus my energy on getting well and didn't want to have to give thought to bankrupting my parents in the process and feeling guilty about it (which it's even more of a joke about how much insurance won't pay for more than a month of inpatient even if they do find someone who is "sick enough" by their standards).

I also think it's easy to forget how much our weight fluctuates as women. Everything from time of day and the factors surrounding it, to where we are in our menstrual cycles has everything to do with it. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it's totally normal for it to fluctuate.

You know, when it comes to media (since someone mentioned unhealthy behaviors being promoted by media and advertisements and so on), one thing that p*sses me off are the ads on pandora. Especially the ones that play on insecurity to promote some hack diet product (that's how they always do it, by preying on insecurity instead of being uplifting). aka things like "I'm keenly aware, that I have some pounds to spare, but the gym, always leaves me so borreeed!" and the one that chirps like an alarm and yells something about having a "weight-loss emergency!! Like a trip to the beach!!" Maybe the aspie in me gets offended too because of the sheer mass amount of things they are assuming about their listener too. But it makes me want to punch a b**ch. Because I'm more than just "keenly" aware of anything going on in my surroundings, I don't have pounds to spare, the gym doesn't leave me bored (more like broke so I'm no longer a member lol), nor is it the only mode of fitness available. I've never had a " zOMG!!11!weightloss emergency!! !!" and I think this sh*t is ridiculous. It makes me shake my head that people actually think this sh*t up in boardrooms. I also think when they decide to play on someone's insecurity (aka manipulation through fear) it's really taking the easy douche maneuver way out when it comes to advertising.