What the HELL is sexual tension?

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Well, the thing is, this guy and I are just friends, we thoroughly established that we're just friends, and he has a gf.

I won't say that 100% of guys do it, but it's pretty close. There's even a good scientific reason why guys do it... the nerves in the belly button's "knot" are matrixed into the same nerve bundle as the nerves in the penis & prostate. Don't believe me? Get a Q-tip and tickle it a bit, or poke it gently with a small screwdriver, and see where you feel it.

Yeah, now you all know why babies (at least males) really, really like getting their belly buttons tickled.

If you really want to have some evil fun, go to a major gym sometime, and keep an eye on the guys who come with their girlfriends or wives... every now and then, you'll catch one doing it when a guy he subconsciously likes walks by (or talks to him), even while his wife/girlfriend is 3 feet away. Busted!

That doesn't mean that there cannot be attraction, most guys will agree that women are much more attracted to them when said guy already has a girlfriend. You can also establish that you're just friends as thoroughly as you like it doesn't change the situation other than in what context you define it consciously. If you are sure that you are not flirting with him, then that leaves 2 possibilities, people are misinterpreting your interaction with each other or you are doing it unconsciously. For instance, if you unconsciously fiddle with your hair, while you're looking directly at his face, standing close to him and there is physical contact, then yeah that could be completely innocent or it could be read as flirty.

Also keep in mind that teasing (including in light punching, innocent name calling, poking fun at and more) can look very flirty and has a way of building sexual tension. A lot of this is like using the lord's name in vain, it comes down to how its done. Let's say you're watching TV, and he says something, you punch him lightly in the shoulder and say "You're such a dork" while giggling and smiling at him, that will look flirtatious and like there is tension.

Enough said.

At least in my own experience - hormones rising, discomfort because you don't want to just throw off the veneer of society and shag the person your hormones are throwing you at (although the ape in you wants to go Tarzan), and at the same time you both are uncomfortable because you're both feeling it and trying not to burn bridges. It can be awkward.

I can't say it works the same for all though; I'm mapping the hetero, the LGBT may work identically but I can't speak for anyone.

Where is the line between friendly teasing and flirty teasing?

I have to paraphrase Supreme court Justice Potter Stewart on that "I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description ["the line between flirty teasing and friendly teasing"]; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it"

The whole thing comes down to subjective observation, to some it may look flirty to some it looks friendly. My best advice to try and care less about what observers say, I can see that you're 14 and at your age just about any cross-gender interaction will be viewed as flirty by ones peers.

Sexual tension between two people means that they are aroused around each other but can't do anything about it at the moment or they just don't have the guts. Sometimes sexual tension is not mutual. An orgasm usually relieves the tension - either "with the person" or without (that's when they become your mastabatory fantasy.)

Flirty teasing "is" sexual tension. Flirty teasing is a shy way of saying, "oooohhh, baby, let's get it on!" Flirty teasing is also done by somebody who doesn't know how the other person will react to their interest. It's a sort of "baiting" game. Friendly teasing is done when a person finds you attractive but isn't in a postion to date you because they're already in a commited relationship. Friendly teasing is shy way of saying, "If I were not involved with someone, you'd definitely be my type". My dentist does this with me all the time. I met his wife who recently partnered up with him. She's lovely.
Now, I go to only her for my dentistry because his friendly teasing makes me uncomfortable ONLY because his receptionist NOTICED it. The compliments are nice and they make me feel good BUT I don't want any trouble in my life. I enjoy talking to his wife about my kids. I don't want any hanky panky with her husband. I clearly don't want to lose her as my practitioner. She's good at what she does!! Better than him.

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 07 Feb 2012, 11:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

If I were a guy and someone said to me,"You're such a dork", they would kill off any tension I had. That's what a 6th grader says to someone they like romantically. Look at it this way: How would a woman feel if she was all sexually tensioned up and the guy says, "You're such a fat cow" while giggling and smiling at her. The chances of him getting laid go from 100% to negative 9 million!! !
Here's what a woman should say to a man: "ahh, you have such a strong, muscular back". then she should proceed to massaging his back. The reason why "back" is so sexy is because that's what she'll be rubbing while they're having sex. This will make him feel strong and worthy of her. Here's what a man should say to a woman while breathing lightly on her neck, "Your skin is so soft and you smell so wonderful, ohh... so lovely...then go for her lips!!
YOU DON'T TELL SOMEBODY WHAT A DORK OR A FAT HORSE THEY ARE!! ! UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET THROWN OUT OF THEIR HOUSE!! !

The "dork" thing being a 6th grader thing is the exact reason why it's a fun thing to do. Saying "ah you have such a strong muscular back" is quite a bit further down the line, in essence its not flirting so much as foreplay/a closer. Now, the original post was in relation to why people are saying that the OP is flirting with her "just friends" friend and the behavior I described is fairly typical of such behavior. If the Op is just friends with her friend somehow massaging his back while commenting on how muscular it is in public is hardly the kind of behavior she would be engaging in.

I'm not going to have a long debate on flirting combined with the biology and psychology of attraction, however how do you get the guy or girl in question so "sexually tensioned up" as to where it is appropriate to have that level of physical contact? Your suggestions work swimmingly if the sexual tension is already well established, but at that point you don't really need to speak at all, the chemicals in your brain will do that for you. Fair enough, calling a woman a fat cow does reduce your chances of getting some, but then again so does being arrested for creeping women out in the mall by randomly walking up to them and going "Your skin is so soft and you smell so wonderful, ohh... so lovely and then kissing them"

My suggested MO will most likely not work properly on someone who is completely unable to read faces, vocal tones or is liable to take being called a "dork" seriously. The fact that it's a 6th grade thing underscores that its not meant in a negative way what so ever, which is further reinforced by the smiling, giggling, eye contact and context. I just answered the OP with an example of something that can be construed as both flirtatious and completely innocent.

Wait, what? So teasing is either malicious or flirty? There's no middle ground where you tease each other in a good-natured way just for the fun of it?

Sure there is, but "good natured teasing" can be seen as "flirty teasing" and in the case of the OP when we're speaking of the early teens any kind of cross-gender contact is going to be pegged as flirting.

No. This is ridiculous, I assure you it's not real. It's the equivalent of saying "every time a woman touches her hair, it means she wants to have sex with you." If any guys do this, they're in the minority.