Make people accept my slowness
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
Just say something like "Hang on, it takes me a minute". If you are slow to answer someone, after you answer, say "sometimes it takes me a minute to get my thoughts in order". Once in a conversation or encounter is enough. If you remind them offhandedly like that in a few encounters, then they should be able to remember that for other times. If they forget, just remind them nicely.
Most people would be ok with it I think, but there are always a few jack*sses in every bunch, and you cannot make them accept it. Just write them off and minimize contact with them.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
I thought I had posted a list of my camouflaging phrases, these work well for me and most don't suspect anything
"one second"
"could you repeat that?"
"let me think that through"
"let me start that again"
"brain freeze, I'll get there in a minute"
"bear with me, I'm thinking it through"
"hold that thought, bathroom!"
"hold that thought, want a drink?"
"can you hear that?"
"no forget it, ignore me, carry on" - for when the train truly falls off the track.
Look up and right if you want to avoid eye contact - this is associated with thinking and remembering, if you can master that you'll give a better I impression.
In the work environment I always tend to keep a pile of journals and magazines to hand, "oh there's a good article on that here somewhere.. The time you spend looking is a handy distraction and if they read it, this is also another opportunity for a break to collect your thoughts.. This does require preparation though, but will make you look knowledgeable and helpful even if you don't answer the question..
I'm not sure you can expect people to always give you more time, it'll be odd for them and they won't always know if you are intending to answer at all.. So learning a few lines will help.. People you know well will soon figure you out and you'll need to do less of it.
Jason
MindWithoutWalls
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,445
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
^ These things will work well. Just please don't sit and say or do nothing at all. My girlfriend so often sits without acknowledging I spoke that I can't tell if she's too busy to answer, if she's still thinking, if she has no response at all, or if she actually didn't hear me in the first place. I think she's finally getting why it matters, so she's getting a little better about it.
Sometimes all you need to do is hold up a "just a minute" index finger to indicate either that you're thinking or that you're in the middle of something and the other person must wait to have your full attention. That can buy you some time while making the other person feel acknowledged. You can also indicate thinking with a "Hmmmmm" and a nod or two. Tapping your chin or lips with your index finger also indicates contemplation. Often people will be more patient, appreciate an answer better, and respect your intelligence more if you seem to consider deeply their question or concern before you speak. Using a polite gesture or indistinct but inoffensive vocalization can help you if words to encourage them to wait won't come easily, and such behavior may even make you seem all the more wise by the time you're ready to respond.
_________________
Life is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter: http://wayshelter.com
I struggle with this too. Lots of times I will just say "okay" just to acknowledge them. I either look stupid or arrogant. But lots of times if I repeat or really say something I wont remember it later so for me it is best to not say anything at all. Its even harder for me with people who speak in a "vague" sort of way...like i guess I am supposed to ask questions but i wait until they say more so I can know what to say.
"one second"
"could you repeat that?"
"let me think that through"
"let me start that again"
"brain freeze, I'll get there in a minute"
"bear with me, I'm thinking it through"
"hold that thought, bathroom!"
"hold that thought, want a drink?"
"can you hear that?"
"no forget it, ignore me, carry on" - for when the train truly falls off the track.
Look up and right if you want to avoid eye contact - this is associated with thinking and remembering, if you can master that you'll give a better I impression.
In the work environment I always tend to keep a pile of journals and magazines to hand, "oh there's a good article on that here somewhere.. The time you spend looking is a handy distraction and if they read it, this is also another opportunity for a break to collect your thoughts.. This does require preparation though, but will make you look knowledgeable and helpful even if you don't answer the question..
I'm not sure you can expect people to always give you more time, it'll be odd for them and they won't always know if you are intending to answer at all.. So learning a few lines will help.. People you know well will soon figure you out and you'll need to do less of it.
Jason
Thanks for that list. It is really a jewel.
Oh yeah, that's terrible. People put you in a box so fast.
You can't "make" people do anything. All you can do is explain the way you are and hope that you meet enough people who are willing to at least try to understand.
My philosophy now is to gravitate toward those that do, and avoid as much as is possible those who don't or won't.
_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...
MindWithoutWalls
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,445
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
Good point, MrXxx. I'd recommend that also as a strategy, whenever possible. I've been doing that sort of thing more and more for may years, now. It saves a lot of frustration and makes me much happier. Don't forget that unnecessary struggle is not some sort of requirement in life. You're not required to suffer as some sort of punishment for being an Aspie, no matter how long people may have treated you that way. Finding appropriate relief is a perfectly legitimate thing to do. Whenever it's not possible, however, the above listed strategies are quite effective. It just takes practice and patience with yourself to learn. Do the best you can, and then don't let other people's attitudes get you down too much. Their ignorance is not your fault.
_________________
Life is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter: http://wayshelter.com
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
People That Swear Make Better Friends & Are More Intelligent |
20 Mar 2024, 11:08 am |
What path lead you to eventually accept yourself? |
21 Apr 2024, 4:22 pm |
How can i make new friends without failing (if possible) |
29 Feb 2024, 6:25 am |
An Ingenious New Process Could Make Computers 2x Faster—With |
20 Mar 2024, 1:35 pm |