Other late-diagnosed older aspie women?

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I am in my 50s, recently self-diagnosed. It wasn't until I finally came across some articles explaining that women aspies often have different traits than the stereotypical science/tech-y aspie male that I finally realized this about myself. Would love to hear the stories of other women diagnosed later in life.

I was diagnosed at 39. It has been a huge positive progression for me. The diagnosis allowed doctors to treat me with appropriate medications and has given me insight in to myself. I don't feel like I'm floundering any more.

As for my self diagnosis 6 months ago. I had already learned to love who I was and how to adapt it to my life so that I hurt no one, I love deeply, and I help everyone I can. I don't wallow in my differences, I use them. It has helped my family and I come closer together.

Last edited by cinbad on 10 Feb 2012, 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I self-diagnosed about two years ago at age 52. I made a post about my journey earlier today in the thread titled: "To Self-Diagnosed Aspies: Is diagnosis important to you?" if you would like the details.

hi,

i'm 55. my nephew was diagnosed and i researched what was going on with him. i found a description of myself.

there is a discussion by older women with AS that you'll find if you search for "straight talk".

I too am self-diagnosed, at the age of 47. I was reading a People Magazine book review. The book was called "The Journal of Best Practices." Its about a man who is diagnosed several years into his marriage, and how he and his wife and children dealt with it and repairing their faltering marriage. I found some similarities to me, and so went further on the Internet researching. As I delved further and further, I found I couldn't deny those traits are my traits. I consulted my immediate family and our family therapist. I am currently working to improve my social skills, though I am high functioning and generally successful in life, but not at the social part of it.

I'm in my late 40s and was diagnosed a year and a half ago. I had self-diagnosed about a year prior to that. I found that knowing about the AS has helped in my relationships. It also has helped me to understand why I get so exhausted by daily life...I "pretend to be normal" all the time at work!

~Kate

Welcome to WrongPlanet

I never feel like I'm 45....I still feel like I'm in my 20's - not physically, but in my brain and spirit (in my male brain that is)....but as far as my emotional maturity level, I recently assessed myself at around 8 years old. That was a stunning realization for me; I'm certainly not proud of it.

At least now I can look at all of my weirdness throughout my entire life, and it fits into a description of AS, whether I am diagnosable or not...my traits are, without question, AS traits. I was searching for years to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. No personality test has come even close to explaining all of this. My social disfunction is only a part of my issues that I need to address in therapy.

I'm 50. I was diagnosed at 30!

I'm 52. My grand-nephew was diagnosed with autism a few years ago He's considered non-verbal but does speak a few words - sharing more every day. Wanting to know what his deal was, I started researching. One thing led to another. I can't afford to get a diagnosis and any help I get will most likely be self-help, but it's better knowing.

I showed a sister a list of Aspie girl traits and she said it explained a lot. It sure changed the way she was treating me. I guess it's better, but at this point I don't care. She doesn't define me.

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel gypped not knowing all my life. I think a lot of problems could have been avoided, however, had I been diagnosed with anything when I was little, they probably would have screwed me up with drugs and shock therapy, eh?

I'm 47. Dx'd a few years ago. It didn't change anything, but it helped me understand the why's and how's of lots of problems that I have. I handle them much better now that I simply understand it.

Yes, I feel that way too.
In a way I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed when I was younger (in grade school) because I think I would have resented this diagnosis. I was always quietly rebellious. Or, perhaps I might not have ever stepped out of my comfort-zone thinking that I was incapable. I don't know. But I do wish I would have known before I was in my 30s and before I made my major mistakes.

Realizing it now, I think I'm becoming a bit more timid with my opinion and speaking my mind in person - which can be both good and bad.

I am in my early fifites and self diagnosed a couple years back; told my kids but no one else. I told them because I care about them and so they'd understand to some extent the many problems and mistakes I have made and mis-communications that happen on a daily basis.
It is getting harder to "be" normal as I get older. I feel rather frightened about living alone in a few years. Planning on heading out to a more peaceful area where I can, hopefully, be somewhat happy by being closer to nature.

I'm 57. I learned about my Aspergers when I was 52. Back then, my NT daughter was 24. For the 1st year after I told her, she would not discuss the topic. Then when her first child began behaving like a classic Aspie, she all of a sudden began discussing Aspergers with me. Everyone could see the resemblances between my grandson and I, along with how we resemble my Aspie son (who is now 23).

My husband is NT. He said he always knew I was odd (he didn't tell me this until 1-2 years ago). He is the only person who has been understanding about my Aspergers. The information hasn't made him want to relate (communicate) with me, but at least it has caused him to understand me better.

I only have 2 children (both adults). I have 3 grandchildren - now age 2, 4, and 6. 2 months after my last grandchild was born, my NT daughter stopped talking with me altogether (without ever explaining why). I have lost not only her friendship, but also my 3 grandchildren (and I don't know why).

It may be that my youngest grandchild is also an Aspie. I'm not sure because I only saw him once 1/2 a year ago. My siblings (2 NT half-sisters) became estranged from me when my parents died 18 yrs. ago. The oldest hates me passionately (always has, but was able to fool me until I learned about Aspergers). The second oldest does whatever the oldest wants.

With the way my life has gone, it doesn't seem to make any difference whether or not Aspergers got mentioned. No one denies I'm an Aspie. Most though accuse me of using Aspergers as an excuse for things. They don't explain what the "things" are, but I've figured it out. I stopped being a doormat and a puppet on strings (I used to be very naive and gullible). Learning about Aspergers enlightened me about how NTs think. I'm thankful my husband has always been honest. Even though we don't talk, at least he will answer my questions when I ask him. My daughter did too for a couple of years (then she faded away and vanished out of my life).

I learned enough to know the answers to life-long questions that plagued me. I also learned enough to know that there is nothing I can do to change the fact that I don't "fit" with anyone.

I guess I was diagnosed at an age where it's not considered old, 22-23.. Still I feel it would have helped in my earlier years. I was always trying so hard to be like everyone else and couldn't figure out why I was neither good at it nor happy at trying to be.

I was finally sought out by a female therapist who btw had a girl who was diagnosed with aspergers. For a long time my mother tried so hard to find out what "was wrong with me". Nobody not even the brain scanners could figure it out. It was only until my mom and family watched a show on Oprah about children with aspergers. I was in the hospital at the time, so my family came in to talk to my therapist. She didn't diagnose me but she did ask questions which were akin to a diagnosis. Finally she referred us to someone who actually specialized in Aspergers. This was a big deal and still is since it's hard for find anyone who qualifies in that area unless it's with children. I'm very greatful to her and I wish I could remember her name.../:

Hi All,

Almost feel like saying 'welcome to my world', So glad I found WP as finally I can hear the voices of those living a lot of my own experiences.

As a woman of 42, I've recently discovered the whole concept of Asperger's and what it means to me. I am currently going through the process of getting a diagnosis as I’ve had so many issues with ‘life’ from an early age. I’ve always felt different from the majority of people and never had the jargon to explain why. It always feels as if I’m observing, like I’m watching a film or TV programme and never being involved. For me, being diagnosed will hopefully lead to a better way of coping with my 'quirks' so I can spend the next 40 years (hopefully!) being in a much better place than I'm in now.

My suspicions started last November after my mum (who has specific issues herself) mentioned she may have the condition. Initially, I was very cynical about her thoughts, but after reading up on the subject realised that there were too many coincidences in my own life (and hers plus various relatives on her side of the family) to not do something about it. I found Rudy Simone’s Aspergirls exceedingly eye-opening, as I’ve had certain problems from a very young age and have never had a framework on which to pin them on until now.

I am currently signed off sick due to stress with my job. This is due to both my line director and MD stating to my face back at the start of January this year that I’m not suitable for the line of work in which I’m in, which is PR – oh, the irony!. During this meeting it was stated that I pay too much attention to detail, am reluctant to use the phone and, when I do, speak to journalists in a monotonous way. They do not want me in contact with clients as they don’t think I’m capable of dealing with them. Apparently, I also have the wrong attitude, am not perky enough and bring people ‘down’. The next day I saw my doctor and we decided I should be removed from the situation in order to do something about it.

The working environment of my current job is very volatile and there’s no structure or clear direction, which I find exceedingly stressful. At the moment I don’t know if I’ll have a job to go back to when I return from sick leave. And to perfectly honest, I do not want to return due to the stress I’ve experienced since I started at the company since June last year. This in itself would not be a problem, but this is the sixth job I've had similar issues with since I graduated in 1999. Looking back, I now realise I had the same issues with the jobs I had before I went back to full time education in 1996. However, due to the nature of the roles I had, I was able to ‘blend in’ and perform, but still had major issues with the social side of working.

Also, I’m having marriage problems due to a number of factors including those related to my suspected AS. My husband and I had an initial meeting with a Relate counsellor a few weeks ago, during which I mentioned that I thought I was AS. They have since stated that they will refer me back to my doctor to sort out a diagnosis before they can continue with any counselling. TBH, I don't think they quite get anything non NT and I won't be going down that path anyway.

There are other certain symptoms that I have had since a young child such as melt-downs, depression, being bullied, hyper sensitivity to sounds, certain lights and smells, not being touched in certain ways (especially when eating!), preferring animal company to human, needing loads of downtime, the need for routines, taking things literally, intermittent memory, inability to take in verbal instructions, photographic memory, not wanting to eat when stressed, IBS, not able to make small talk and obsessions with specific subjects or people. I also used to play chess and backgammon against myself incessently. I'm sure this list will increase as I go through the DX process and my memories are dug through...

Anyway, despite all the c**p stuff I have a fantastic 6-year-old daughter who seems to have inherited a lot of my good points with hardly any of the negative. I also have a husband who, despite our problems, is willing to listen and support me/us through this stage in my/our lives.

This isn't my full story, as there are many areas of my life I'm still coming to terms with, but I'm sure I'll be contributing to many dicussions in the future.

Vx