Valentine's Day... NOT AGAIN.

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Thom_Fuleri
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16 Feb 2012, 1:38 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I just have one question... how do these people find each other? I asked a girl out at age 14, and was summarily rejected. I used to be a happy guy with great self-esteem... but I was rejected. I could be living that life you mention... but I was rejected. I thought I was good enough to be a human being... but I was rejected.

And no, nothing has changed since then. I'm still a sub-human piece of sh**...


Oh, Toady... one rejection does not reflect badly on you. It reflects badly on them for spurning you.
A hundred rejections, now - that might suggest you're doing something wrong.

I can tell you that going into dating feeling you're not worth it will guarantee failure. Women can sense things like that with their witchy powers. The guidos that go in thinking they're fantastic, however, are frequently successful for the same reason. Their self-belief scrambles the psychic radar. Learn to love yourself, even if it feels like BS (it will at first). The weird thing is that it gets easier over time. You really DO start to love yourself.



Weiss_Yohji
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16 Feb 2012, 2:35 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Weiss_Yohji wrote:
18 really is too young to be engaged, OliveOilMom. Why the f**k would anyone even get engaged at such a young age? It needs to be banned outright!


Well, he's been her bf since she was 13, and then they started dating, they have been together now for five years and rarely fight, have a great relatonship and are respectful of each other and love each other. He's been living here with her in her little attached apartment for a year. They are going to get married so therefore they are engaged. They plan to wait until they are out of college though, so it's a long engagement. She is graduating high school this year, (honor student, winner of the character award, Miss FBLA, Anchor Club, office aid, library aid, Whose Who of American High School Students) and they are going to get an apartment sometimes this summer. It will be at least two years before they get married, but what in the world is wrong with getting engaged? Especially if you find your perfect match?

They got engaged when he took her on vacation this summer. He took her on a cruise to Jamaica, The Cayman Islands and Mexico. That's the best date ever! When I was 17 the best date I had was a movie, McDonalds, and the mall! So, they got engaged on a cruise. What exactly is wrong with that?

Is it because you are single?

I bet it is.


They've got their whole f*****g lives ahead of them! Why throw it all away by getting married? Are they that f*****g stupid? Why is this allowed to happen? >:(

@ everyone else: I had a near-meltdown at work on V-Day when one waiter went on about his girlfriend. I yelled at him directly telling him to stop lording it all over me, break up with her, and give me all of his confidence. I'd love nothing more than to rip that f**k to pieces with my own hands for being paired up like that. The very sight of them together makes me sick with rage! The fact that others get all the confidence to pick up girls when I'm single and socially awkward makes me so mad I can't see straight. Why did I ever have to be born with AS? Why couldn't I be NT? WHY THE f**k DOES EVERY GIRL I COME ACROSS EITHER HAVE TO BE TAKEN, HAVE KIDS, OR BOTH? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? WHY CAN'T IT BE EASIER? I NEED A RELATIONSHIP, NOT HIM! NOT ANYONE ELSE!

Living in an area where there's nearly nothing but party girls around doesn't help, either.



Tequila
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16 Feb 2012, 2:38 pm

You... have serious issues. I'm amazed you can hold a job with that attitude.



hale_bopp
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16 Feb 2012, 2:48 pm

There's something seriously wrong.

You can't keep going on like this. It's not normal, it crosses the line of psychosis.
You really should go and get some full checks done on your physical and mental health. I'm not trolling, I'm actually being very serious.

It sounds like you at least need to be on an anti anxiety drug and anti depressive drug. I'm speaking from experience, here.



OliveOilMom
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16 Feb 2012, 3:20 pm

Weiss_Yohji wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Weiss_Yohji wrote:
18 really is too young to be engaged, OliveOilMom. Why the f**k would anyone even get engaged at such a young age? It needs to be banned outright!


Well, he's been her bf since she was 13, and then they started dating, they have been together now for five years and rarely fight, have a great relatonship and are respectful of each other and love each other. He's been living here with her in her little attached apartment for a year. They are going to get married so therefore they are engaged. They plan to wait until they are out of college though, so it's a long engagement. She is graduating high school this year, (honor student, winner of the character award, Miss FBLA, Anchor Club, office aid, library aid, Whose Who of American High School Students) and they are going to get an apartment sometimes this summer. It will be at least two years before they get married, but what in the world is wrong with getting engaged? Especially if you find your perfect match?

They got engaged when he took her on vacation this summer. He took her on a cruise to Jamaica, The Cayman Islands and Mexico. That's the best date ever! When I was 17 the best date I had was a movie, McDonalds, and the mall! So, they got engaged on a cruise. What exactly is wrong with that?

Is it because you are single?

I bet it is.


They've got their whole f***ing lives ahead of them! Why throw it all away by getting married? Are they that f***ing stupid? Why is this allowed to happen? >:(

I married my husband when I was 22. I've been married 25 years and we have four kids and a grandbaby. I'm happy. Marriage isn't the end of your life. Also, they are only engaged at the moment. They aren't marrying until after they both finish college and that will be in two to four years. If he decides on sticking with a two year degree for now, it will be in about two years. It takes about a year to plan a good wedding and she hasn't even started nor has she given ideas any thought. Right now it's just engaged. Some people are engaged up to five years you know. How do you get the idea that it's bad to marry in your early twenties? What would you have them do, just be alone instead because she's 18 and he's 22?

@ everyone else: I had a near-meltdown at work on V-Day when one waiter went on about his girlfriend. I yelled at him directly telling him to stop lording it all over me, break up with her, and give me all of his confidence. I'd love nothing more than to rip that f**k to pieces with my own hands for being paired up like that. The very sight of them together makes me sick with rage! The fact that others get all the confidence to pick up girls when I'm single and socially awkward makes me so mad I can't see straight. Why did I ever have to be born with AS? Why couldn't I be NT?

I have AS and have been married 25 years to an NT and had an active dating life before that. The boy with AS who tipped me off to mine is now married for two years, to a teacher. He and his wife are trying for a baby. AS doesn't mean you can't socialize. It just means that it's harder to learn and remember the "rules".

WHY THE f**k DOES EVERY GIRL I COME ACROSS EITHER HAVE TO BE TAKEN, HAVE KIDS, OR BOTH? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? WHY CAN'T IT BE EASIER? I NEED A RELATIONSHIP, NOT HIM! NOT ANYONE ELSE!

If I was the waiter, I would have reported you to the boss and if I were the boss I would have fired you. Those statements go far beyond the "Dude, I don't have a girlfriend. For the love of God stop rubbing it in!" You sound violent and unstable. I don't mean that as an insult, but you need some serious help before you end up in a cell for the next 15 - 20 years of your life and your only girlfriend will be a nonconsensual relationship with Sparkplug, your cellie. If that's what you want, then keep going the way you're going.

On a more serious note, frustration, especially frustration that damages your already low self esteem can cause anger and jealousy that manifests in violent ideation or actual violence. Once you obsess over violent fantasies it becomes easier to cross the line and actually harm someone. Obsession can make you start to believe that you are owed something, they have taken it from you, and it's within your right to take it from them or punish them for it. Your views of right and wrong, truth and fiction, reality and fantasy get skewed. That's when you turn into someone who is criminally insane. Being criminally insane does not mean you will be put in treatment instead of prison. It just means you will be put in a tougher, more violent area of the prison.

I'd seriously get some psychiatric help. Not only could they help you deal with your anger and jealousy issues, they could help you deal with your incorrect assessments of what is yours and others, and actual vs perceived needs. They could help you with your self esteem, self image, and ability to relate to others.

Until you get that kind of help, and change the underlying beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts of injustice, you will be alone. Even if you think you cover them well when you talk to women, you don't. We have radar and can pick up on that kind of dangerous instability.


Living in an area where there's nearly nothing but party girls around doesn't help, either.


Party girls are easy. Go for one of them. They may not be what you want, but it's something in the meantime and it can help your self confidence so that you can get the kind of girl you do want.

Wear condoms.


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Weiss_Yohji
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16 Feb 2012, 4:42 pm

Back in high school, I felt like I had to find "the one" before I graduated or my life would be invalid. Fast-forward to today and I'm still single and even more frustrated than I was then. Now it feels like if I don't have someone now, there's something wrong with me. Every third person around me is paired up and it's making me seethe with rage. Why must I lag behind? Why is it so scary to get out there?

I've had that whole "find the right woman" crap drummed into my head since childhood. All these things with one-night stands and the like are a sudden shock now. As for party girls, more than half the ones around here are all into hard drugs and s**t, which is the last thing I need.

Whenever I encounter a woman (Usually at work, since that's the only place where I really meet anybody), I immediately end up seeing her as a potential GF unless she has kids. People keep telling me to approach a girl as a friend first, but then I might get friendzoned! Could that possibly be any more counter-intuitive? I've even tried looking at PUA stuff (Mystery Method, Alpha Male, David DeAngelo, etc.) and I've found nothing that really covers those of us on the autism spectrum. It's all written with NT men in mind. Why does it have to be so hard to understand?



OliveOilMom
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16 Feb 2012, 6:31 pm

^^ It's not hard to understand. You were given the right advice, you just don't believe it will work. You see a girl that you are interested in, you find an opportunity to talk to her. The first conversation has to be approached like you are just wanting to be friends. Unless it's the club scene, it can be wierd for a stranger to come up to you and hit on you like you might be a potential romantic partner. You make friendly conversation. Ask a few things, answer a few things, try and see if you seem to hit it off. Then you ask her out for coffee or ask if you could call her sometimes. If she says no, then you try someone else. irst date should be something that's short and not a big deal. After that you call her and ask for a movie or dinner date. You go from there.

I know lots of kids your age (your thing says 25) who aren't in relationships. It's not a big deal. About half my kids friends are in relationships, about half aren't. Most of them are between 16 - 27 years old.

But you really have to do something about the anger and the hate first, because that comes through even when you think it doesn't. It's an intense vibe-y thing.


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Weiss_Yohji
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16 Feb 2012, 8:08 pm

Flirting with a complete stranger: That's something that I'm very leery about. I'm used to speaking with people I already know, not just going up to some random person out of the blue! What if I say or do the wrong thing?

Not being in a relationship at my age is a very big deal to me. Something's obviously wrong when all my peers are f*****g paired up and I'm not. Do you have any idea how depressing that is?



OliveOilMom
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16 Feb 2012, 11:10 pm

Weiss_Yohji wrote:
Flirting with a complete stranger: That's something that I'm very leery about. I'm used to speaking with people I already know, not just going up to some random person out of the blue!

Then stick with people you already know.

What if I say or do the wrong thing?

It's not the end of the world. If it's a stranger, it doesn't matter at all. You won't see them again and they have no direct bearing on you or your life. If it's someone you know already, then just act like whatever it was you did was perfectly ok and they will probably start to doubt that it was wrong. Everybody messes up socially now and then, and some more often than others. It happens. It's not all or nothing, it's not the end of the world, it's not black and white. Don't dwell on it.

Not being in a relationship at my age is a very big deal to me. Something's obviously wrong when all my peers are f***ing paired up and I'm not. Do you have any idea how depressing that is?


I know quite a few people your age who aren't in relationships. That doesn't mean theres something wrong. It just means you haven't found somebody compatable yet. Yes I know how depressing that is. I was married at your age, but I've been single and all my friends were with somebody. Even if you don't have problems socializing, it's hard to find the right person. Even the temprorarily semiright person. And when you do there is no guarantee that it will last forever.

Focusing more on relaxing, being more easy going, trying to keep in mind that it happens when it happens and not on anybodys time schedule, rather than getting furious at someone else for being in a relationship, and feeling that you are owed a relationship and wanting revenge on others, can help you more than you think. I'd really get some psychiatric help with those issues because until you do, they are going to keep cropping back up and thats a huge obstacle for you in getting any relationship.


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JNathanK
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17 Feb 2012, 4:59 am

I found some flowers, and passed them out to people at bars. It was pretty fun.



AspieOtaku
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19 Feb 2012, 4:19 pm

you are not alone i also HATE Valentines day with a passion at least after 6 years ago. Because it is a reminder your alone and everyone else is getting all romantic and such while your stuck alone or at work knowing your going home to bed alone. I sometimes get extrememely depressed on that day and borderline having a melt down. I used to yearn for love but not as much anymore I am now a lone wolf haha.