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hanyo
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13 Feb 2012, 6:28 pm

I don't know if we should pretend to be normal or not.

I know I've never been able to fake normal. I can only be myself.



Fnord
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13 Feb 2012, 7:47 pm

hanyo wrote:
I don't know if we should pretend to be normal or not. I know I've never been able to fake normal. I can only be myself.

No need to pretend to be normal at all. Just pretend to be nice.



Who_Am_I
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13 Feb 2012, 8:23 pm

Fnord wrote:
hanyo wrote:
I don't know if we should pretend to be normal or not. I know I've never been able to fake normal. I can only be myself.

No need to pretend to be normal at all. Just pretend to be nice.


I see it as thinking about priorities.

Is telling my boss what I think of them at that moment really more important than keeping my job? - an example.


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Meow101
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13 Feb 2012, 8:31 pm

I pretend all day, every day, at work. It's exhausting, but I'm working in a field I want to work in, so I guess worth it.

~Kate


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naturalplastic
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13 Feb 2012, 8:50 pm

corroonb wrote:
I've been wondering about this for a while and I think it's an important issue for any autistic person. Should we pretend to be something we are not to fit in with a majority who may or may not be intolerant of our differences?

There seems to be a lot of pressure applied by psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists to normalize behaviour. There is an enormous societal emphasis placed on working with others particularly in a business and, increasingly, in an academic context. I can pretend if I need to but I increasingly resent doing so.


Should you pretend or not?

Thats like asking "should you breath oxegon or not?"

Ofcourse you have to pretend.

You gotta learn to be a team player in life or you gonna die.

There are rare individuals on the spectrum who have some marketable skill and can make tons of money say programing computers, and they dont have to interact with other people much. But those are the exceptions.

However you might say that they put too much emphasis on correcting the weaknesses of aspies and auties and not enough on building upon their strengths. But they still have weaknesses to attend to. And those weakness are socializing. The world aint going to meet you halfway to accomadate you being socially impaired.



Catman
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13 Feb 2012, 9:11 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
I see it as thinking about priorities.

Is telling my boss what I think of them at that moment really more important than keeping my job? - an example.


Hmm. Yes. That is a tough decision I face almost daily. So far, at least, the job is winning. For now. :D


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AnOldHFA
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13 Feb 2012, 10:27 pm

Sometimes it is fun pretending as long as it is for fun. fooling people may not be a good idea.

Twice in my life I pretneded to be someone/thing else.
The first was at 20, it was needed for an experement. I needed to be "charismatic" (can an autistic be charismatic?) and a successful businessman
The second time in my late 20's and I just wanted to fit in, so I acted (as best as I could) "normal". I think I over did it both times.
The first time was fun as I made lots of friends. The second time I was popular with the ladies... Both time were very stressful and I'm just not stable enough to pull it off for too long.

I still sometimes find myself pretending to be something else just to mess with people, just for fun, not to be anything else. Otherwise, I don't care anymore what other think of me..



CosTransform
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13 Feb 2012, 10:53 pm

Pretending is a work, and there's no reason to do it unless there is pay, period.



dianthus
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13 Feb 2012, 11:05 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I just learned a few social graces to stop people from wanting to kill me.


^This. This is what it boils down to for me. Because I learned early in life, I have a natural talent for making people angry.



NicoleG
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14 Feb 2012, 10:57 am

Is "holding your tongue" pretending?

I like to think of it as increasing my adaptability skills. I can tell the difference when I'm pretending to be someone I'm not versus when I'm being a filtered version of myself or pushing my limits. I see nothing wrong with being a filtered version of myself or pushing myself to try new things. As mentioned above, pretending takes effort, but so do exerting a filter and making an effort to grow. I can feel better about the latter two.



DerStadtschutz
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14 Feb 2012, 12:09 pm

Fnord wrote:
corroonb wrote:
I've been wondering about this for a while and I think it's an important issue for any autistic person. Should we pretend to be something we are not to fit in with a majority who may or may not be intolerant of our differences?

"Should"? Maybe, maybe not ... how necessary is it to "fit in" just to have friends, be employed, and earn enough money to afford a house to raise a family in?

Very important, in my experience.


If you wanna get technical, it really isn't. How do you think we got to the point we're at? We didn't always have jobs, suits, ties, money, houses, and all that crap. People used to live in the wilderness, and they did just fine. And I'm sure they still could.

I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm so sick and tired of people being fake and lying constantly. It's ridiculous. Also, there's a difference between like trying not to stim in public or boring people to death by talking about your special interest for half an hour and acting like a completely different person in the public's eye. People, we need more integrity and honesty, not deception. Why can't people be who they say they are?



millymollymandy
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14 Feb 2012, 12:20 pm

I seem to have spent a lot of my adult life pretending to be something I'm not - and I have also been treated for depression for most of my adult life. I believe that my struggle to fit it has contributed to my depression - I just want to be myself, but 'myself' doesn't seem to be very acceptable to other people, so I have to pretend to be some other, more acceptable, character. I accept that we need to make efforts to fit in, eg in the workplace, but at what price?



Zwapp
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15 Feb 2012, 2:29 am

DerStadtschutz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Why can't people be who they say they are?


because then all the greedy bastards would rule the world, oh wait, maybe they do so already.

but in short, there are a lot of really f'd up people in this world who really benefit from lying and pretending, and they won't stop, we don't just need a honesy miracle, we all need a couple of generations in eden in order to demolish the f'd up social structure of today.

or something like that.



Wolfheart
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15 Feb 2012, 2:33 am

To an extent, if we want to get on in life and get along with our employers, landlords or people in general, we should adapt to NT social norms as well as we can but I don't think we should seek acceptance in that, we should still be ourselves and strive to find acceptance for who we truly are instead of putting up a facade in hope that people might accept something that causes us emotional exhaustion or a false sense of identity.



CosTransform
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15 Feb 2012, 5:58 am

Adapt and destroy :twisted: