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Vito
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16 Feb 2012, 2:27 pm

Recently I got again surprised by my own emotions. It was when my girlfriend asked me if its okay with me if she meets up with a one her guy-friend (who tried to get her drunk on several occassions). I was quite surprised, because this information did not have any emotional effect on me (I did not feel any negative emotion which I could be identified as jealousy). Since from interactions of other people I assume that jealousness is emotion everyone feels by default whenever situation like this arises (and not being jealous is thus being able to supress that emotion), I wonder whether is not feeling jealousy on any occassion my personal characteristic or whether it could be attributed to some general emotional characteristic of Aspergers.

So, what's your opinion on this? And are YOU able to feel jealousy?



DreamLord
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16 Feb 2012, 2:32 pm

Jealousy is useless, you should have just decked the guy.



hale_bopp
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16 Feb 2012, 2:43 pm

Jealousy is a human trait, not an NT trait.

Some people are fortunate enough to never get this emotion ever. The rest of us have to learn to control it.

I thought I was doing okay, and then last week I got the physical sensation I loathe so much in the pit of my stomach, only for a split second.

I have found I have to teach my brain to see reason. I would love to eliminate this emotion all together - but at times it takes work and jumps you when you least expect.



diniesaur
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16 Feb 2012, 3:35 pm

I think only extremely controlling people would get jealousy from a situation like that. The controlling people are just the ones we hear about more often.



nick007
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16 Feb 2012, 5:23 pm

I don't feel jealousy but I feel very protective instead. I would worry about the girl being taken advantage of by the guy instead of feeling jealousy towards him


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Harry_Dawson
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16 Feb 2012, 6:02 pm

I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?



Jadefire
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17 Feb 2012, 12:23 am

I get jealous all the time, it's a colossal pain in the ass. Thankfully I can realize when I'm being irrationally jealous so I can resist doing or saying something stupid.



hale_bopp
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17 Feb 2012, 1:35 am

Harry_Dawson wrote:
I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?


It's not a conscious decision. People don't say, "hey, I'm going to be jealous today".

People here don't seem to understand that sometimes you don't have control over your emotions.



Who_Am_I
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17 Feb 2012, 2:15 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Harry_Dawson wrote:
I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?


It's not a conscious decision. People don't say, "hey, I'm going to be jealous today".

People here don't seem to understand that sometimes you don't have control over your emotions.


I don't entirely agree with that. You may not have control over your initial emotional response, but you can certainly step back and ask yourself if it was reasonable.


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justalouise
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17 Feb 2012, 2:19 am

I have heard many times and I am very inclined to think that jealousy is rooted in insecurity (regardless of how mild). When I feel entirely secure in a given relationship, I absolutely do not feel threatened by advances towards my partner. If I feel somewhat neglected or unsure of my partner's feelings about me, then I am prone to jealousy.



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17 Feb 2012, 2:27 am

justalouise wrote:
I have heard many times and I am very inclined to think that jealousy is rooted in insecurity (regardless of how mild). When I feel entirely secure in a given relationship, I absolutely do not feel threatened by advances towards my partner. If I feel somewhat neglected or unsure of my partner's feelings about me, then I am prone to jealousy.

^^^this, especially early on when i am dating someone. really, jealousy is pretty logical when a person is worried about the state of a relationship or the other person's feelings.


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justalouise
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17 Feb 2012, 4:00 am

Also just for the sake of discussion, a sentiment I am particular fond of regarding jealousy is that a common mistake people make by and large is to plainly reject it when they feel it. It's seen as so undesirable and unattractive that most people absolutely refuse to acknowledge what they're feeling, and we all know what happens you know try to do with that emotions...

It's hard to force yourself to do when you live in a culture (I'm in North America, don't know about you guys) that is utterly and entirely pain-avoidant. But jealousy doesn't magically dissipate when you ignore it--it only gets worse. If you can bring yourself to just admit to yourself that you're feeling jealous, and that it's OK, that it doesn't make you any less intelligent or loveable or whatever, then you can just plain experience it without having a load of guilt heaped on top. And that makes it soooo much easier to deal with (in my experience).



hale_bopp
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17 Feb 2012, 4:09 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Harry_Dawson wrote:
I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?


It's not a conscious decision. People don't say, "hey, I'm going to be jealous today".

People here don't seem to understand that sometimes you don't have control over your emotions.


I don't entirely agree with that. You may not have control over your initial emotional response, but you can certainly step back and ask yourself if it was reasonable.


That wasn't what I was implying.
I was implying that you can't stop natural feelings coming through. You can however choose how you react to them.



blue_bean
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17 Feb 2012, 5:00 am

justalouise wrote:
Also just for the sake of discussion, a sentiment I am particular fond of regarding jealousy is that a common mistake people make by and large is to plainly reject it when they feel it. It's seen as so undesirable and unattractive that most people absolutely refuse to acknowledge what they're feeling, and we all know what happens you know try to do with that emotions...

It's hard to force yourself to do when you live in a culture (I'm in North America, don't know about you guys) that is utterly and entirely pain-avoidant. But jealousy doesn't magically dissipate when you ignore it--it only gets worse. If you can bring yourself to just admit to yourself that you're feeling jealous, and that it's OK, that it doesn't make you any less intelligent or loveable or whatever, then you can just plain experience it without having a load of guilt heaped on top. And that makes it soooo much easier to deal with (in my experience).


^That

Jealousy shouldn't be a taboo thing to talk about in a relationship either. People should sit down, talk about it, get to the root/cause/insecurity behind the feelings and be closer to one another as a result. Some people don't like to admit that they feel insecure though (pride).

Jealousy is insecurity, it's a type of fear, feeling it doesn't make you a bad person at all. It's the actions people do based on the feelings (eg. control people) that are the bad thing.



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17 Feb 2012, 5:12 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Harry_Dawson wrote:
I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?


It's not a conscious decision. People don't say, "hey, I'm going to be jealous today".

People here don't seem to understand that sometimes you don't have control over your emotions.


I don't entirely agree with that. You may not have control over your initial emotional response, but you can certainly step back and ask yourself if it was reasonable.


That wasn't what I was implying.
I was implying that you can't stop natural feelings coming through. You can however choose how you react to them.


Oh, I completely agree with you there.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I