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justalouise
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17 Feb 2012, 5:46 am

All that said, man, I HATE feeling jealous (thankfully I have little reason to experience it in my current relationship). It's such a nasty feeling :(



Harry_Dawson
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17 Feb 2012, 7:31 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Harry_Dawson wrote:
I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?


It's not a conscious decision. People don't say, "hey, I'm going to be jealous today".

People here don't seem to understand that sometimes you don't have control over your emotions.


I don't entirely agree with that. You may not have control over your initial emotional response, but you can certainly step back and ask yourself if it was reasonable.


That wasn't what I was implying.
I was implying that you can't stop natural feelings coming through. You can however choose how you react to them.


Yes, you are right, I did not articulate my opinion very well. The thing that I find difficult to understand is why people act upon their jealousy. If an emotion appears in your mind, you observe it, assess it, and then act upon the information you have gathered about it. Sometimes it's good to act upon the an emotion (for example, in certain situations it may be helpful, either to yourself or in interaction with others, to be angry, sad, etc.), and sometimes it's bad - however, from what I can tell, very few people, if any, like the feeling of being jealous, so if the feeling appears, why would anyone not want to deal with it him-/herself instead of acting upon it?

It is as if they want to be jealous (instead of figuring out what's going on inside them), and that is the part that doesn't make sense.



hale_bopp
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17 Feb 2012, 7:35 am

Harry_Dawson wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Harry_Dawson wrote:
I don't understand the purpose of being jealous, it just doesn't make sense. What could anyone possibly want to achieve by being jealous?


It's not a conscious decision. People don't say, "hey, I'm going to be jealous today".

People here don't seem to understand that sometimes you don't have control over your emotions.


I don't entirely agree with that. You may not have control over your initial emotional response, but you can certainly step back and ask yourself if it was reasonable.


That wasn't what I was implying.
I was implying that you can't stop natural feelings coming through. You can however choose how you react to them.


Yes, you are right, I did not articulate my opinion very well. The thing that I find difficult to understand is why people act upon their jealousy. If an emotion appears in your mind, you observe it, assess it, and then act upon the information you have gathered about it. Sometimes it's good to act upon the an emotion (for example, in certain situations it may be helpful, either to yourself or in interaction with others, to be angry, sad, etc.), and sometimes it's bad - however, from what I can tell, very few people, if any, like the feeling of being jealous, so if the feeling appears, why would anyone not want to deal with it him-/herself instead of acting upon it?

It is as if they want to be jealous (instead of figuring out what's going on inside them), and that is the part that doesn't make sense.


Because they don't recognise it and control it. The same can be said with infatuation, anger, pride and any other emotion available.

They don't want to be be jealous. They don't LIKE feeing jealous. They LIKE the positive gratification they get from their jealous act. They - at the time - do whatever jealous thing because it temperarily makes them feel better. That's why they do it. They get some sort of positive gratification, no matter how short lasting from the act.

Someone has a nice car. Person walks past and experiences jealousy. Person keys said car, because for a split second they feel better that they're depriving someone of something fantastic that they will never be able to have. It isn't logical, and half the time people wish they didn't do it.

You have to realise most people don't address every tiny happening in their life consciously with logic. They just do what their body wants.



blue_bean
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17 Feb 2012, 8:47 am

Quote:
Someone has a nice car. Person walks past and experiences jealousy. Person keys said car, because for a split second they feel better that they're depriving someone of something fantastic that they will never be able to have. It isn't logical, and half the time people wish they didn't do it.


That's an example of envy, not jealousy.



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17 Feb 2012, 8:59 am

Vito wrote:
Recently I got again surprised by my own emotions. It was when my girlfriend asked me if its okay with me if she meets up with a one her guy-friend (who tried to get her drunk on several occassions). I was quite surprised, because this information did not have any emotional effect on me (I did not feel any negative emotion which I could be identified as jealousy). Since from interactions of other people I assume that jealousness is emotion everyone feels by default whenever situation like this arises (and not being jealous is thus being able to supress that emotion), I wonder whether is not feeling jealousy on any occassion my personal characteristic or whether it could be attributed to some general emotional characteristic of Aspergers.

So, what's your opinion on this? And are YOU able to feel jealousy?


This might be a test. If you don't act a little jealous and possessive, you fail because apparently you don't love her enough. If you act too jealous and overprotective, you fail too. (I've been in an online relationship in Second Life with someone who loved to play mind games like that).



hale_bopp
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17 Feb 2012, 5:02 pm

blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
Someone has a nice car. Person walks past and experiences jealousy. Person keys said car, because for a split second they feel better that they're depriving someone of something fantastic that they will never be able to have. It isn't logical, and half the time people wish they didn't do it.


That's an example of envy, not jealousy.


Are you sure?

I thought jealousy was doing things to spite others, where as envy was just well, envying them, and not acting out the spite. I'm going to have to look these up in multiple dictionaries.

I thought it was this:

Envy is when you want something that somebody else has.
Jealosy is when you want to have what somebody else has, but you don't want them to have it.



CrazyStarlightRedux
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17 Feb 2012, 5:09 pm

CrazyCatLord wrote:
This might be a test. If you don't act a little jealous and possessive, you fail because apparently you don't love her enough. If you act too jealous and overprotective, you fail too. (I've been in an online relationship in Second Life with someone who loved to play mind games like that).


Online dating is different though...



TeaEarlGreyHot
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17 Feb 2012, 5:52 pm

I've never felt jealousy. I think my tendency to be apathetic towards other's prevents me from being emotionally involved enough to get jealous.


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blue_bean
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17 Feb 2012, 7:44 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
Someone has a nice car. Person walks past and experiences jealousy. Person keys said car, because for a split second they feel better that they're depriving someone of something fantastic that they will never be able to have. It isn't logical, and half the time people wish they didn't do it.


That's an example of envy, not jealousy.


Are you sure?

I thought jealousy was doing things to spite others, where as envy was just well, envying them, and not acting out the spite. I'm going to have to look these up in multiple dictionaries.

I thought it was this:

Envy is when you want something that somebody else has.
Jealosy is when you want to have what somebody else has, but you don't want them to have it.


From Wikipedia (if that's even a source):
Quote:
Jealousy is a second emotion[clarification needed] and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.


Quote:
Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as a resentful emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.


Quote:
"Envy" and "jealousy" are often used interchangeably, but in correct usage they stand for two distinctly different emotions.[1] Jealousy is the result or fear of losing someone or something that one is attached to or possesses to another person (the transfer of a lover's affections in the typical form), while envy is the resentment caused by another person having something that one does not have, but desires for oneself.[10] In its simplest form, then, envy involves two people, and jealousy three people,[10] but of course it is possible to be envious of more than one individual at any given time. Envy may involve wanting the beauty, wealth, abilities or socioeconomic status of another individual or group. Jealousy relates to that which I hold dear and wish to conserve; envy to that thing which I desire for myself, or would wish to deny my rival.



hale_bopp
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17 Feb 2012, 8:54 pm

Who wrote that?

I'll look in the old collins.



blue_bean
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17 Feb 2012, 10:36 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Who wrote that?


Err, it's Wikipedia, everyone is the author.



League_Girl
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18 Feb 2012, 2:06 am

I've felt jealous before but never in a relationship. I think my ex had issues with jealousy because he always called this one neighborhood up on the hill a place where snobs lived because all the homes up there were nice and Mcmansions and he was so negative about my parents and how they raised me. When someone is so negative about something and feels the need to put those people down for it, that is a sign of jealousy.

I also bet people are not always aware they are jealous despite what they are feeling but they may not realize it's jealousy they are feeling.


Speaking of dictionary terms of jealousy and envy. Here:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/jealous

jeal·ous
   [jel-uhs] Show IPA
adjective
1.
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.
2.
feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.
3.
characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.
4.
inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.
5.
solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/envy

en·vy
   [en-vee] Show IPA noun, plural -vies, verb, -vied, -vy·ing.
noun
1.
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
2.
an object of envious feeling: Her intelligence made her the envy of her classmates.
3.
Obsolete . ill will.
verb (used with object)
4.
to regard with envy; be envious of: He envies her the position she has achieved in her profession.



Take your pick for that car situation.



hale_bopp
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18 Feb 2012, 2:33 am

I'll stick with jealousy.

The keying is a manifestation of that resentment.

I'm done hijacking this thread now, as you were.



Vito
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18 Feb 2012, 5:57 pm

Ok, guys, thanks for clarification and an interesting discussion!! ! I must say that I am starting to consider myself to be pretty lucky, that jealousy is an emotion unknown by me. :)



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18 Feb 2012, 8:16 pm

blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
Someone has a nice car. Person walks past and experiences jealousy. Person keys said car, because for a split second they feel better that they're depriving someone of something fantastic that they will never be able to have. It isn't logical, and half the time people wish they didn't do it.


That's an example of envy, not jealousy.


No, what that is, is awesome.