Attracted to this certain woman I know...

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Subotai
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17 Feb 2012, 12:55 am

I know a girl, she`s beautiful, smart, well travelled, but the problem is she`s about 10 years older than me, don`t know her exact age...
In any other country I think she would be a great catch, but here in Japan she is "too individualistic", yes, that`s how it is here unfortunately... also "too tall" :roll: and apparently "chubby" which I honestly do not see.
I really like her, but at the same time I think it would be a dead end, also as I`m finding, it`s very easy for a white foriegner to get dates in Japan, so plenty of fish in the sea... For clarification we met platonically, she advertised looking for foriegn friends online, and I don`t know how she would react if I asked her if she wanted to try taking it to the next level.
Hell, even if she was interested I`m not sure if she would say yes for fear of eventual rejection or whatever.
I really enjoy her company and wouldn`t want to risk a potentially great friendship...



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17 Feb 2012, 2:17 am

Subotai wrote:
I know a girl, she`s beautiful, smart, well travelled, but the problem is she`s about 10 years older than me, don`t know her exact age...
In any other country I think she would be a great catch, but here in Japan she is "too individualistic", yes, that`s how it is here unfortunately... also "too tall" :roll: and apparently "chubby" .


And...? Who is it that you want to date her:

1. You?

2. Japanese society as a whole?

If it's 1, then you should be thinking of whether she is compatible with you, not whether she meets society's expectations.


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17 Feb 2012, 5:01 am

Subotai wrote:
I know a girl, she`s beautiful, smart, well travelled, but the problem is she`s about 10 years older than me, don`t know her exact age...
In any other country I think she would be a great catch, but here in Japan she is "too individualistic", yes, that`s how it is here unfortunately... also "too tall" :roll: and apparently "chubby" which I honestly do not see.
I really like her, but at the same time I think it would be a dead end, also as I`m finding, it`s very easy for a white foriegner to get dates in Japan, so plenty of fish in the sea... For clarification we met platonically, she advertised looking for foriegn friends online, and I don`t know how she would react if I asked her if she wanted to try taking it to the next level.
Hell, even if she was interested I`m not sure if she would say yes for fear of eventual rejection or whatever.
I really enjoy her company and wouldn`t want to risk a potentially great friendship...


Only you can make the decision whether or not to attempt to pursue a relationship with her. If she does reject you due to the age differences, however, the best stance to take would be an understanding and forgiving one, because women have a much shorter "shelf life" than men do as far as dating and starting a family, so at 10 years older than you, her time is more precious. If you are in your early 20's, there's a chance that your taste in women is still changing much more than it would if you were in your early 30's, and if in 5 years you decide it's time to move on, you leave her in a severely compromised position, and may have greatly reduced her chances of having a family, should she want one.

And then on the other hand, perhaps you are the exception and she is your soul mate. Who knows.



Subotai
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17 Feb 2012, 11:23 am

I honestly doubt she has a chance with a Japanese guy, at least not a typical one.. after 30 women are referred to as "stale christmas cake".

But the last thing I want to do is lead her on, waste her time... And I'm afraid of compromising our friendship...



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17 Feb 2012, 8:03 pm

Subotai wrote:
I know a girl, she`s beautiful, smart, well travelled, but the problem is she`s about 10 years older than me, don`t know her exact age...
In any other country I think she would be a great catch, but here in Japan she is "too individualistic", yes, that`s how it is here unfortunately... also "too tall" :roll: and apparently "chubby" which I honestly do not see.
I really like her, but at the same time I think it would be a dead end, also as I`m finding, it`s very easy for a white foriegner to get dates in Japan,
so plenty of fish in the sea... For clarification we met platonically, she advertised looking for foriegn friends online, and I don`t know how she would react if I asked her if she wanted to try taking it to the next level.
Hell, even if she was interested I`m not sure if she would say yes for fear of eventual rejection or whatever.
I really enjoy her company and wouldn`t want to risk a potentially great friendship...

Me & probably some other Aspie guys here are thinking we should go to Japan & look for women in their 30s


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17 Feb 2012, 8:07 pm

Are older ladies not popular in Japan?

"Stale Christmas cake"? What a horrid term.



Subotai
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17 Feb 2012, 8:26 pm

Tequila wrote:
Are older ladies not popular in Japan?

"Stale Christmas cake"? What a horrid term.


I agree.



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17 Feb 2012, 8:48 pm

It depends on how seriously you take your relationships. Some people can be be in relationships even though they know they won't go anywhere. If you can do that then there's the question of whether she can do that.

Personally it's something i've always avoided, i don't like to lead people on. People don't stick to rules like not falling in love in a casual relationship, especially women. Don't waste her time.



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18 Feb 2012, 3:01 am

i say go for it if you like her, screw society!!

honestly if you get rejected you could always go with laughing "well can you blame I guy for trying" :lmao: I know its clitch but it really does work, especially if you want to stay friends


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Subotai
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18 Feb 2012, 5:33 am

Zinnel wrote:
i say go for it if you like her, screw society!!

honestly if you get rejected you could always go with laughing "well can you blame I guy for trying" :lmao: I know its clitch but it really does work, especially if you want to stay friends


Haha honestly though I don't think it would work, and I'm pretty sure she would say no anyways, she's too level headed to pursue such a relationship. I'm not even sure if she sees me in that way to begin with. I think I'll hold out for a more compatible match.
I'll just have a little crush on her, no harm in that!



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18 Feb 2012, 6:00 am

Tequila wrote:
Are older ladies not popular in Japan?

"Stale Christmas cake"? What a horrid term.

"Cougar" makes me think of predatory carnivorous cat. :lol:



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19 Feb 2012, 5:11 am

Subotai wrote:
Zinnel wrote:
i say go for it if you like her, screw society!!

honestly if you get rejected you could always go with laughing "well can you blame I guy for trying" :lmao: I know its clitch but it really does work, especially if you want to stay friends


Haha honestly though I don't think it would work, and I'm pretty sure she would say no anyways, she's too level headed to pursue such a relationship. I'm not even sure if she sees me in that way to begin with. I think I'll hold out for a more compatible match.
I'll just have a little crush on her, no harm in that!
Be very, very, very careful. Proceed with caution.

In the Far East, it's very common for women to advertise in listings sections or online for foreign friends and language exchange partners, and you think it's just a platonic thing, but really, those women are like expert anglers, casting their lines with bait, and reeling suckers in.

I'm a white British woman and I lived and worked in Beijing for a couple of years, and we used to laugh and joke, when we had a new male colleague starting work, and he would be exploring the town, looking to sign up for language classes, then he'd look in the listings and meet a giggly young girl who said that she just wanted to practice her English, and we'd be betting with one another how long it would take the girl to 'upgrade' herself from language exchange partner to girlfriend. It usually wasn't very long.

When you say you don't know how she would take it... trust me, she does see you like that and she would reciprocate. Enthusiastically. The thing is, you think it's all your idea. All the guys do/did, you think you've found a local friend/language exchange partner, and Oh, isn't it lucky that you've grown to like her too? You've not have a chance meeting and accidentally stumbled on to a wonderful relationship. You've fallen into a very well laid and cleverly thought out trap.



Subotai
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19 Feb 2012, 5:33 am

EnglishLulu wrote:
Subotai wrote:
Zinnel wrote:
i say go for it if you like her, screw society!!

honestly if you get rejected you could always go with laughing "well can you blame I guy for trying" :lmao: I know its clitch but it really does work, especially if you want to stay friends


Haha honestly though I don't think it would work, and I'm pretty sure she would say no anyways, she's too level headed to pursue such a relationship. I'm not even sure if she sees me in that way to begin with. I think I'll hold out for a more compatible match.
I'll just have a little crush on her, no harm in that!
Be very, very, very careful. Proceed with caution.

In the Far East, it's very common for women to advertise in listings sections or online for foreign friends and language exchange partners, and you think it's just a platonic thing, but really, those women are like expert anglers, casting their lines with bait, and reeling suckers in.

I'm a white British woman and I lived and worked in Beijing for a couple of years, and we used to laugh and joke, when we had a new male colleague starting work, and he would be exploring the town, looking to sign up for language classes, then he'd look in the listings and meet a giggly young girl who said that she just wanted to practice her English, and we'd be betting with one another how long it would take the girl to 'upgrade' herself from language exchange partner to girlfriend. It usually wasn't very long.

When you say you don't know how she would take it... trust me, she does see you like that and she would reciprocate. Enthusiastically. The thing is, you think it's all your idea. All the guys do/did, you think you've found a local friend/language exchange partner, and Oh, isn't it lucky that you've grown to like her too? You've not have a chance meeting and accidentally stumbled on to a wonderful relationship. You've fallen into a very well laid and cleverly thought out trap.


Keep in mind that this is Japan, not China or southeast Asia.
I do know that occurs in poorer countries though...