Aspie daughter aswell as Aspie son or SID? Any advice?

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Hi Folks,

I am looking for some advice really and I know I sound paranoid / neurotic ( or both!)... I am driving myself crazy as i am getting an awful lot of ' dejavu' as my daughter grows up.... in so many ways she is like her older (Aspie) brother and in some ways very different. I don't know whether i should think about referring her... but i know the fight I have had having people see my son's struggles so think it would be even harder with my daughter..... not that i won't fight for her too, but I need to have a bit more to offer than a ' gut feeling ' for a gp to refer:) She is 3 years and 4 months.

Ok, ' Aspie traits' I see in her :-

Sensory issues :- hates loud noises, strong smells and labels in her clothes ( brothers are entirely different- touch and taste and bright light!)

AMAZING memory

Very early speech

very advanced speech

pedantic speech ( always correcting little things- and things different to her brother so not learned)

eye contact - can be appalling - fleeting when in conversation

not very affectionate

doesn't greet or say goodbye without prompt

Little quirks :- has to close every door she sees open ( this extends to potty lids and toilet seats), loves triangles and notices them everywhere ( on the road, grates, in capital ' A' signs etc), severe phobia of flies, hates when things break in front of her ( e.g. biscuits),

Things that don't suggest Aspie:-

she plays imaginatively ( although much is favourite tv inspired)

not hugely hung up on routine ( but she has become very upset a few occasions when we have gone a different way. Even was upset when entered her usual 'stay and play' session by a different door- they were painting the usual door.)

Nursery says she plays with other kids BUT when we go anywhere with other children ( park, play gym etc) she gets off equipment if another child gets on and blanks other kids she doesn't know well, even if they try to talk to her.)

Am I being paranoid? could all these things be learned? or copied from her brother , even the eye contact? Are all these things seen in sensory integration disorder?

I know things will become more apparent as she grows and it doesn't matter to me whether she is Aspie or not.... but it will make alot of different to her education and support so identification earlier would be better:)

Any advice greatly appreciated:)

Beth

Welcome to WP!

I would say that if you have concerns, have her evaluated. Many of us parents go through this fear that we will be seen as neurotic or worse for telling a doctor we think there is something going on with our child but put those fears aside and trust your gut. Somewhere along the line I think the message has been given to parents that they don't know what is going on, only the experts in the medical establishment know. That's bunk. Parents know. Everyone's experience is different but you might be surprised at how recptive your gp is to making a referral for an evaluation. More gp's and pediatricians are becoming aware of the prevalence of autism and the improved outcomes that can occur with early intervention so are more likely to order evaluations if there is ANY reason to suspect. Ours didn't bat an eye when we brought it up with her, she just found out who to refer us to and within a couple weeks we had started OT and were on our way to getting an evaluation (which still took months to complete but that wasn't any fault of the pediatrician's ).

Hi Bombaloo,
Many thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it.
Unfortunately none of our services are either a) hugely receptive to parents' concerns and / or willing ( or able due to funding) to evaluate, particularly high functioning children. My son's diagnosis is a private one as I reached a stage where I had my son's last school and ed psych refusing to accept he had any difficulties and blamed my parenting I hit a very low point. Needless to say my son's paed and his new school have no doubts about this private diagnosis but as you probably know, I need a ' formal' NHS one to help get support for him, particularly in school.

My GP referred my son to Paed Summer 2010. Paed took a year of ' waiting and seeing' before referring to CAMHS. Referred to CAMHS July 2011. CAMHS have only just done a home visit ( 31st Jan 2012) to see if they will even accept his referral.... I am still waiting to hear..... And even if they DO accept his referral, the waiting list is 12-18 months and the CAMHS psychologist said they rarely diagnose Aspergers until the age of 7! My son is almost 5 and was referred getting on for 2 years ago:(

I believe alot of my son's aspie traits are quite obvious- his formal way and advanced language, his inability to but desire to interact with his peers, his obsession with Roald Dahl, his flapping and his advanced reading age ( he is 4 , his reading age is age 9-10!) By if my daughter is an Aspie like her brother..... I just don't think GP or anyone would think about referring as she is WAY more subtle than her brother and the battle I am still having for him is just soul destroying. So I suppose i will just have to wait until i get some more ' evidence' from nursery or school and then refer or see if it is just me being paranoid and she grows out of her ' little quirks' that suggest Aspie. I am well practiced in helping her big brother so put alot of strategies in place anyway... but worry about school for her.

Sorry for going on! I hear of people gaining an Aspergers diagnosis within 6- 8 months of initial referral and I just want to move to another part of the country so my children can access a bit of more understanding, support and willingness to take parent's concerns seriously.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far:)

Beth x

Since your son is diagnosed the doctor will take a closer look at your daughter. I have five kids, two aspies (Asperger's, 9 year old son and 19 year old daughter, I am an Aspie, my husband probably is but he is VERY high functioning, has a genius IQ (so does my 6 year old btw), a PhD in Biology, is a Professor and also runs his own lab. I also have a 6 year 10 month daughter who has Classic Autism). Its genetic and as soon as they found out that my daughter had autism they took a closer look at my son who, at the time, had some more typical "behaviors" at 5 but now is very classic Aspie. He had all the same types of symptoms as you daughter. Also both my Aspie son and my autie engage in imaginary play, my son runs around making sound effects that he calls, playing in his head. They do not play with many toys other than the Wii, iPad, and computer. My daughter likes little figurines because she still likes to line toys up, she likes those squinky things and little pet shop toys, my son likes battle tops and pokemon cards. My 6 year old daughter acts out movies and also makes hilarious commercials (all copied and echoed from TV or youtube) on her iPad. I love her sunglasses commercial for 59.99 .
It never hurts to bring it up to you doctor or to have her evaluated. If they say she does not have it now she may develop more obvious "behaviors" (hate that word but we all have our words we dont like but have not many to exchange it with) when she gets older.

Thought I would add that I do have a now 21 year old daughter who has sensory processing disorder and auditory processing disorder. She also spoke very early and used words most younger children did not. Her Kindergarten teacher brought it up to me that she used very advanced words for her age but then again she may have picked that up from me. However my now 19 year old Aspie did not have advanced language but more her own language...no one had a name everyone was "friend" or "girl or "boy" and she did not seem to enjoy speaking and would use as few words as possible. One major difference between my now 21 year old and the rest of my kids is that she would always be very friendly, smile and talk to EVERYONE and would never forget to say hello or goodbye. My 9 year old son doesnt even say hello to me . Neither one of my little ones will say hello or goodbye without prompting. Also when a baby cried my older daughter, even at age one year, would be upset and go to the baby and say "Poor baby"...she was always aware of other peoples feelings and would try to comfort while my 9 year old son puts his fingers in his ears and says "will someone shut that baby up"! My Autie used to just laugh perhaps confusing the crying for laughing and now she will ask me if the baby is crying and she likes girl babies better and says boy babies cry more than girl babies. Im not sure why she does not like the boys at her school...maybe because they are typical and she does not really understand them because she likes the boys at therapy who also have ASD. The girls at her school, I think, believe my daughter to be more like a toy or a younger child than a peer. There is one girl who mothers her and my daughter feels comfortable with her and does not like to go back to school after lunch if she is not there. She will push the others away from her and only wants the one girl. If she is not there she will let one of the other ones hold her hand.

Hi IiIoIeme,

I really appreciate your reply so much and apologies for taking so long to reply:(

My son is very high functioning too I am told- very bright- I think he takes after my uncle who was never formally diagnosed as Aspie but pretty sure he was( he died a few years ago sadly )My uncle passed the Oxford University entrance exam at the age of 10 and went on to work for IBM and write books on computer language before most people knew what computers were! Sounds like your hubby and your 6 year old son.

I have often wondered about myself as I HATE social situations, as a child i was considered musically gifted ( could read music before the written word and pretty much self taught), I have issues with sounds ( I hear things people can't hear like overhead electricity cables, fridges ' humming' and like quiet- alot!) But I think I just have 'traits' as other things don't fit so well and don't think i would reach the criteria for diagnosis.

My daughter loves little things too like your little daughter. She has a Disney princess book with matching map and princesses and she plays stories out with them - but have noticed her lining them up just recently too. She has similar book sets with Dora and Disney fairies but prefers the princesses!

My daughter has been very ' odd' this week. I have noticed that she does not say ' hello' or ' goodbye' without prompting ( so different from your older daughter with SPD) and thought maybe she was just copying her big brother.... but then I am questioning why isn't she copying Mummy? A couple of people have spoken to her ( strangers) and she has either a) meowed at them or b) put on a robot voice. neither time with eye contact. My daughter understands crying i.e. she knows someone is sad , but rarely comforts them unless she copies me- e.g. if her brother is upset. My son likes the sound of babies crying so puts his hands around his ears and moves them about- i think it must be a similar sensation to putting a seashell to your ear and moving it away again.. and smiles like crazy! He has learned by watching me that his sister has certain favourite toys so if she cries he runs about and grabs all these toys and almost throws them at her! He does adore babies and younger children though ( and animals) he seems to be very good around the ' vulnerable.'It is lovely to see.

My daughter has kept saying lines from ' Aristocats' to me alot this week...at inappropriate times. Like she has come up to me and said ' Shhhh mama ( she calls me mummy!), the kittens are asleep!'

I think it is time to ask for a referral to a paed... this gut instinct is not going away.

Thank you for sharing so much about your family- you all sound lovely:)

Beth

Hi

My daughter is an aspie and my son is NT. I find my son has a lot of aspie traits like he is extremely intelligent but socially awkward too. However he is NT because he has imaginative play unlike my daughter.