Help with a long distance relationship

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Hello, about a month or so ago, I met my boyfriend who lives two hours away from me. We both like the same hobbies and we are also very introverted. He is very supportive of my AS too. The only problem is the long-distance part.

We did meet each other at my house and he drove up and we had a really good time together and I could definitely feel that we had chemistry. However, it was sort of an expensive trip for him. I mean, he had to pay for the gas to get up here and I did help him a little bit, but you see, we are both college students on shoestring budgets and we currently don't have a job and mooch off our parents. He would like me to come down and see him, but the problem is that I cannot drive since I do not have my license and have to rely on other people. This did motivate me to get my license, however, but even if I do get it, I don't think I will be ready to take a road trip right after I get it.

Does anyone have any advice for long-distance relationships?

Also, I need help with another issue. It is involving the more physical aspect of the relationship. Well, my boyfriend asked how far basewise did I go with a guy. Well, I confessed that not only am I a virgin, but I never kissed or even held hands with a guy. I hugged guys before, but it was more of in a friendly way and it wasn't very prolonged. I never even kissed my ex-boyfriend because I was waiting for him to initiate.

Let's just say he was very shocked about this. He described it as someone pitching the ball to me and running away from it. I assured him that I am not against physical touch, it just really isn't a priority to me since I tend to try to focus on developing a long-lasting companionship and emotional foundation first and told him that I was not against him kissing me next time we met.

Now, my boyfriend lost his virginity with his previous girlfriend and he wishes he hadn't because she turned out to be one of those anime-obsessed fangirls and it felt like she loved anime more than him. I told him that I plan to remain chaste until I marry and he thinks that is great and wishes he had the willpower and respects those boundaries. Though now, he is having a hard time and is afraid that he might go too far with me even though I told him that I would let him know. I am trying my best, but it is easier said than done. I mean, despite what many people teach, the girl should not be the only one held responsible, but I think the man should too and I see that he is trying, but still...

The fact that I am not really into the physical aspect as much as he is even though I think it is important. I guess I just don't really want my relationships to be shallow and that is what I tend to fear if I focus on the physical aspect too much.

Don't rush into any physical relationships. There is plenty of time yet for that. Concentrate on your studies first. And once you have your driver's license, take the time to get used to driving in familiar areas close to where you live, before you go on any long drives. One month of knowing a guy is not enough to base your future on.

You are too young yet, to really be ready for marriage, so take the time to get to know this or any other guy before getting intimate. Decent men don't treat their women like unpaid whores, so a nice guy will be willing to take the time to get to know you, too. Nice and smart women don't let themselves be used by guys who are just looking for a good time. They respect themselves enough to try to avoid STDs, the emotional trauma of a bad match, abusive relationships, premature mommyhood, etc.

So take your time, and keep up with your school work. Any decent men will be willing to wait for you to be ready.

Long distance relationships never works out.
There is more fish in the sea.
Your first priority should be school and getting your drivers license.
Without a drivers license - how do you plan to get to work once you graduate?
Sex is no big deal.
I didn't start having sex until I was 22 and I am a guy.
Gawsh I was skeered.

Since then I have had about as many women as I have had jobs.
I'm a lot like Dale Earnhardt Jr. - I tolerate them as long as they behave themselves, but the first time they make a mistake - down the road they go!

It sounds to me like you have a real problem here because a red flag just went up for this dude and that is that he knows that you are not sexually experienced and he is looking to pop your cherry and he will pursue you until he gets what he wants and sooner or later when you aren't around or aren't putting out - he will toss you to the curb like a Mickey D's bag and you will be sorry that you ever met him.

He's looking for some action otherwise he would not have brought up the subject until you were at least making out already. Take care and don't let him push you, focus on your studies.

I know, and he respects that I am waiting, but he says it is really hard for him.

I guess you are right. I don't really think I should try to force kissing on him. It sort of has to be that right moment, you know?

in my experience.. Guys (not me obviously*) will frequently say that "It's really hard on them" to wait.. because they are trying to pressure you into something.





*Me, I've actually had relationships fall apart because the women I was with are more interested in sex than I am.. that was the case formerly anyway.. but then I was prescribed some pills (from before I was diagnosed with AS.. they thought I had BPD and prescribed a very powerful anti-psychotic) which has pretty much dramatically altered my sex drive to the point where it's a complete distraction now. So it gives me kind of an odd perspective on the whole thing.. Girls liked me because I wasn't pushy about sex.. but then when I didn't respond to their prevarications they got frustrated with me.. Now I understand why.

All this stuff about "building a mature, intimate connection before you kiss" is, frankly, ridiculous. Physical chemistry is at least as important as emotional compatibility, and for many relationships, great sex helps overcome some of the inconveniences that go along with a relationship.

"Waiting for the right moment" is a fairy tale. If you want to kiss him, kiss him. When you do, that's the moment. I know it hurts sometimes, but real life is nothing like Hollywood.

There's a word for a close, vulnerable, intimate connection between two people who have never been physical with each other. That word is "friends."

Sucks when the bubble gets burst, but in the long run, it's better because you won't be harboring all these fantasies about the one perfect true love or whatever. Reality checks come down hard and heavy.

You might want to ask people about their own experiences in relationships before blindly taking their advice--this is, after all, not exactly a forum full of socially, sexually successful individuals. Sometimes it just turns into the blind leading the blind, as has happened in this particular thread.

If you DO want to do the long-distance thing (which, by the way, can be great for a while but only works if one of you plans to move eventually so you can be together), the answer is Skype. It's a temporary solution, but it can also be a hell of a lot of fun

^Basically what the person said above. You are about to start a romantic relationship, it is usually expected for there to be a physical connection. It would be hard for me to hold back too if my boyfriend was saving until marriage. And if you do feel ready to move the physical aspect forward, then go ahead, no need to feel held back by your own moral restraints or whatever your reasons are for celibacy, just do what your body tells you!

How far is the distance between you? If you can't drive there's always the train, trains are faster than cars because there's no traffic and the majority of time the schedules work like clockwork. Also the speeds of the trains themselves are faster than cars, and go over 100 miles an hour sometimes.
There's just under 4 hours between me and rabbit and it's a piece of piss (ie, easy), long distance relationships can work if you keep at it and visit regularly. Although its common for a long distances couple to rush into moving too fast because they miss each other. I'd advise you not to do this, and to be patient and let the relationship progress at the rate that feels comfortable and is closer to your average close distance relationship. If you or him are bored of waiting for a visit and just move and get married within a couple of months like some people do, there's a huge risk of it going tits up.

Contrary to previous statements, long distance relationships DO work out. I met someone here, living in an entirely different country. We made it work between two continents and now we are married and living together.

One of the things I liked about the long distance relationship was the lack of physical pressure at first. It takes a lot of willpower and commitment from both parties. It also takes a great bit of maturity to have an emotional-centered relationship first. That's not to say the physical aspects were completed ignored long distance. For me, it was a wonderful thing because once we were in the position to see each other regularly, he was truly my best friend. That best friend part is what makes a real relationship last. Sex won't make it last. A strong friendship will. When we finally did something, there was an emotional and physical connection there. It was well worth the wait.

The reality of a long distance relationship is they are difficult which is why many fail. Both of you need to be committed. Both of you need to communicate. There will be ups and downs. At some point, if it is to work, one needs to relocate for the other. If one of you isn't willing to relocate, it will end in heartbreak.

Long distance relationships can work between the right ppl.

My bf and I were long distance for 2 1/2 years. We only saw each other about twice a month. We went straight from long distance to living together about 6 months ago and we've been doing just fine.

The difference between you guys and us is age and experience. (I'm 29, he's 36.) So basically, just do what makes you happy. Don't stress about money or sex, just get together when you can and do what you feel comfortable doing. If it doesnt work, it's not the end of the world. Hardly anyone stays in relationships started at 19, but that doesnt make those relationships failures or bad. Just be amiable and honest with him, and hopefully it will be a positive experience even if it doesnt work in the long run.