Living as an adult male virgin, unable to cope

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I am a 24 year old male virgin going on 25. I have reached a point in my life where I am finally realizing that I will never have a wife, children, or any kind of family in general. I know that I am going to resent myself for wasting my youth as I get older and that this shame is only going to get worse. I have tried endlessly to make positive changes in my life to remedy this, but I cannot be intimate with a woman. My family does not understand why I am always so depressed and I have become so enraged with jealousy towards my friends that I can barely socialize with them anymore. I feel like I am in a no win situation and my life is just going to deteriorate from this point on. I have been considering pursuing a career in which I would get to travel to other countries but this shame is going to follow me wherever I go. Even if I did by some random miracle manage to be with a woman, it wouldn't change the fact that I have wasted the only youth I will ever have.

What sort of sex would you want to have? It's not just about having sex. It's about having sex that makes you feel good about yourself.

I'm sure you could find someone rough to sleep with on some online dating site but would that make you feel better?

Well in my opinion there is no point in losing ones virginity unless they find someone they actually get into a good relationship with. But feel free to disagree....my suggestion is maybe try to focus less on the fact you're a virgin, sometimes if you focus on one thing you're unhappy about it will seem like an even bigger issue than it is and might even start contributing to negative thoughts about everything you're unhappy with all at once.

That actually sounds like a decent career, and if its something you would like certainly go for it. It seems like you're getting caught up in what other people expect and feeling ashamed when you don't live up to their expectations. That is a vicious cycle, so I say do what you want to do with your life, not what other people want you to do with your life....live up to your own expectations.

I understand it can be very difficult, as I struggle with things like that all the time......except the virginity thing. But what I get to deal with is my brain is getting conditioned to relate sex to abandonment because every guy I've had sex with has run away

I don't know what you mean by "different types" unless you're referring to different orifices that can be used for sex. I just want to get rid of this shame so I can move on with my life, if that is even possible at this point. I considered hookers but I am not a street savvy person nor could I even afford one. I have tried the online dating thing, any girl I meet up with in person does not agree to meet again afterwords.

You are at just the right age, imo, to start to learn some social skills. Going abroad is probably a good idea. Travel broadens the mind and provides you with a pretext for talking to fellow expatriots on a regular basis. It's a club of sorts. I would pursue that with everything you've got.

No, I mean you could have sex and it could well feel terrible and could leave you damaged emotionally. You want it to be a positive experience. There are lots of women who would sleep with you (and me too), but I wouldn't want to go anywhere near them. First of all, you don't want to sleep with a psycho, for instance.

He hasn't had a chance to get to that point like you have had.

Sweetleaf, I completely agree with you about how fixating on the negative aspects of life only makes life more miserable in general. However, even if I choose to think "I'm not going to fixate on being a virgin, I'm going to think about something positive", my friends, society, the media, even the random hearsay I'll hear in public, is fixated on sex. I'm still a healthy male and have to deal with my own involuntary urges as well. It's one thing to say "I'm not unhappy because I'm not a millionaire" because our brains can cope without millions of dollars. Sex on the other hand...we are driven by primordial programming to achieve this.

Simon says: I've actually managed to accumulate a good group of friends over the years, a lot of people have even stated that they enjoy being around me. I do not believe my issue is so much social skills as it is my physical deformities anxiety that stems from being around women I am attracted to.

Tequila: My friends have said the same thing, and I'm sure you're right. I used to think that "if I have to wait this long, I might as well wait for the right one". But I now realize that this is not going to happen just because I may or may not deserve it.

Not to mention the fact that it's just plain easier to get sex when you are a foreigner abroad.

I cannot even say with confidence I've reached that point...I'm trying to, so I was just giving advice of what I am trying to do about feeling like that.

Yeah I guess, I am just kinda weird about it because I have never really felt a need for it, nor would I rate it as one of my favorite activities. So I guess I don't have much understanding of having a sex drive but not being able to fulfill it. But I still don't think its something one should beat them self up over. But yeah trying to think of more positive things can be much easier said than done, not to mention very frustrating.

Heisenberg, what positive changes have you made?

I don't think that you have wasted your youth, you still have it! What do you mean when u say that you can not be intimate with a woman? Is it fear, nerves, etc? or maybe you just don't really feel like it while society says you should be?

I lost about 50 pounds and quit smoking. I read some books about dating and tried to identify aspects of myself that turn women away. My problem as an aspie is that I absolutely CANNOT pick up on non verbal cues so when the chance is there, I never know. I can't even be around my friends anymore. All they ever talk about is this sort of stuff and how great their sex lives have been. I can't even stand to be around my father anymore because he's always wondering why I'm not with girls.

do you have friends that you can observe while they interact with women?

That's kind of the zen of it all. If it happens, when it happens, she and you will typically connect on small things you like about each other, and also reflecting appreciation back and forth. And it's more allowing it to happen, rather than trying to make it happen.

And your father probably needs to back off and stop pestering you.