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chockyeatingchef
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29 Feb 2012, 8:52 am

Hi everyone...
I need to really say some things that I can't discuss with anyone else... this is going to be long. If you are going to read this whole post, thank you for your patience.

I'm a 24 yr old woman. I've always found it very very difficult to deal with social situations since I was a child. I never used to smile or say' hello, how are you' to strangers when my parents or older siblings asked me to, I didn't understand why I had to do it, I thought that if I didn't know them, why would I care about their welfare. Even now I still find social situations difficult. My throat closes up and I just don't know what the appropriate thing to say or what the appropriate way to behave is. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather be somewhere else and it's very difficult for me to be genuinely involved in that situation.

When I am in a place where there is a lot of stimulation, say a pub or a busy restaurant, I find it very difficult to concentrate on speaking to the person that I am with. My mind would go elsewhere and get distracted by everything else, such as colours and sounds and other people.

This brings me to lights and sounds. Bright lights really bother me, such as bright sunlight or brightly lit rooms. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I am unable to think straight. Some sounds really bother me, such as someone repetitively scratching or rubbing their skin, or tapping furniture, or really loud clunking of cutlery against dinnerware. Like with bright lights, I find myself unable to think or concentrate on anything and I would get very annoyed and even angry.

I've always been very anal about being very exact. I've never been late for anything as long as it was in my control. If someone asked me how much money I had, I would tell them the exact amount to the last cent. I also take things that people say literally, I've only began to learn to recognise other meanings that might be behind what people say. I find it very frustrating to deal with 'subtle' people that likes to drop hints.

I find it hard to process feelings. If someone's hurt me, I will not be able to get over it. My mum used to tell a story of how a teacher had once mildly scolded me at school and I shed a few tears everyday for about a week. And then lots of terrible things happened in my life. My mum died when I was 13 and I didn't cry. I couldn't cry for weeks, I thought there was something wrong with me so I tried to make myself cry by looking at pictures of her and thinking of her but I just couldn't. I thought I had no feelings, but it was more like I couldn't begin to acknowledge my loss, it was too painful. I haven't cried when my ex of 4.5 years and I broke up, or when I had to move and leave friends and family behind, or when I learnt of my father being diagnosed with dementia.

I've tried to talk to close family and friends and even doctors about my issues. No one has ever taken me seriously. They'd just say that I am shy or that I'm a bit different. I don't feel like I am like most other people and I feel like I'm VERY different. Like I'm on the wrong planet. I think I need acknowledgement that I am different, so I wouldn't feel so bad trying and often failing to fit in with other people. If there are others like me from Brisbane, Australia, please contact me, I'd like to meet up with you :)



ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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29 Feb 2012, 9:08 am

I can totally identify with a lot of the situations you have written about. When my own mother died of cancer at 52, I felt more relief that the ordeal was over, rather than any great sadness for losing her. I felt terrible. Like I was some sort of empty vessel. As cliched as it sounds, time is a great healer. Don't be too hard on yourself.



slave
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03 Mar 2012, 12:48 am

Welcome!! !! !! !



goodwitchy
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03 Mar 2012, 1:02 am

Welcome to WrongPlanet :D



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CockneyRebel
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03 Mar 2012, 4:44 pm

Welkome to WP

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Bun
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03 Mar 2012, 4:45 pm

Hi, I love your username. :D


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richie
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03 Mar 2012, 6:31 pm

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To WrongPlanet!! !Image


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AnonymousAnonymous
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03 Mar 2012, 8:16 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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chockyeatingchef
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15 Mar 2012, 11:40 am

lol tanks everyone