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01 Mar 2012, 4:38 am

If you weren't diagnosed as a kid, how did your parents react to your behavior? Did they get mad at you often? Were they more strict than other parents? Did they know what to do?


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Rhiannon0828
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01 Mar 2012, 8:50 am

I was always in trouble. I was inexplicable to my parents, especially my step-mother. She was the only one who was strict with me, and I fought her tooth-and-nail. Of course, she's also sadistic, abusive, and possibly psychotic.


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Briana_Lopez
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01 Mar 2012, 9:17 am

I was diagnosed at 10, but my mom still struggles to figure out the reasoning behind my behaviors. She's strict only towards me about every little thing (I'm not sure she likes aspies or autistics). I get mad at her and my siblings pretty easily, and both my parents know what happens wen I'm mad. My mom doesn't help at all when I have the urge to either A. destroy objects B. scream ignorant things to people or C. have a meltdown in privacy, plus I'll grit my teeth as she's yelling at me. She calls up my dad thinking he'll know what to do with me. Every single time he tries to help, he just can't. They expect me to behave like an NT. I laugh at that fact! If they think I'm ever going to be "normal", they've got another think coming!



ghostar
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01 Mar 2012, 9:33 am

My parents are from rural Mississippi and happen to be psychopaths so they literally spent the better part of my first 18 years of life attempting to "beat me into loving them."

What that means, I will never know. How on Earth can a child learn to love anything that hurts it repeatedly. Sigh. You must have a license to catch fish in my area but anyone can have a child.



Aspiewordsmith
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01 Mar 2012, 10:47 am

At first my parents did not get angry with me because they thought that I had a severe or profound learning disability (IQ of below 70) so They was not strict with me at first. It really started to get bad from 1974 onwards and when I was mainstreamed in 1977 that they were really bad to me, my dad was a wife and child beating alcoholic and my mum was not the full shilling she still isn't. She used to shout at me nealy all the time and she now expects me to take her stupid feeble excuses. Also my parents thought that I had brain damage till 2003 because a doctor said so in 1968. If there had been any it would have been acquired later and caused by my dad's beats round the head even for stimming and also when we used to go out fishing and I got the line tangled round the fishing reel. Also beaten for stimming not passing telephone messages. I will never forgive my mum for allowing me to be put through this hell and she said they were loving parents (she is quite delusional she has not got a loving bone in her body unless it was to other peoples kids or to cats.

She even used to shout at me in front of the kids she used to babysit for which turned me against them and I will never take on another man's kids as a result. I could go on but it will be a too long post. My mum I feel hates Asperger syndrome people ans believes in outdated theories that were prevalent in the 1950s and 60s. I don't get on with her much and If I appeared happy then she would be moaning and If I appeared sad She would say I don't like seeing you unhappy. She doesn't like seeing me happy either. Actually she expects that theseexperiences not to have caused some damage. If she wanted something to abuse without causing PTSD then why did she not become a cyberneticist and build cyborgs or robots without emotions. She it too thick for that and any twat can have children. :arrow:



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01 Mar 2012, 10:56 am

Although I'm diagnosed with classic autism I think I might be closer towards AS. I only started talking at the age of 6 but after that my language usage quickly outpaced my peers. I was usually quiet, shy, and I don't cause any problems. I was a bit slow with arithmetic, I had dyslexia, but also a IQ higher then the test they gave me could measure. So people just didn't worry about my behavior.

In short, my autism was thought to be nothing more then a lack of self-confidence? or just being an introvert. I seems to cope and it seemed I didn't have a problem. The stress and confusion that I experienced everyday did cause a lot of sick days but didn't influence my grades so no-one worried about that.

Only much later did the stress reach breaking point and only after I broke was I finally diagnosed.



Simmian7
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01 Mar 2012, 7:10 pm

i was a big time problem child in my elementary years. i somewhat slightly calmed down some by the 6th grade.... but there were still problems...


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Alexender
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01 Mar 2012, 7:28 pm

Well my grandma is looking into getting me tested.

My mom has read a ton of different parenting books. She would get fairly angry/frustrated with me not doing homework. Elementary school I was a pretty good student, except for that I couldn't write on my own until 6th grade. Middle school I had about a 3.9 gpa. But I ended up graduating highschool with a 2.7 gpa. My mom (who has a degree in education) said that she new fairly early on that I was different. At first she just put it up to me being gifted, then ADD, and now she also thinks I have aspergers.
I mostly remember her trying a lot of different strategies to get me to do school work and it just didn't work, which frustrated me just as much as it did her. My mom I would say was more strict than other parents but if I ever said I was going to a friends house she almost always said that was fine.



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02 Mar 2012, 4:47 am

The stupid thing is that the better we are able to cope, the less help we tend to get? And when we then finally breakdown because we can't cope anymore, everyone suddenly is surprised and doesn't understand. Whereas if we had gotten just a little bit of help a little bit earlier, we wouldn't have gone through the breakdown and all the mess that usually comes from that.

Like in my case I was not able to finish my university study while I still have the burden of the debt that I took to pay for it. If I had gotten help when I actually asked for it because I noticed I was reaching my limits I would have made it. Instead, because I could still cope a little my autism was hidden behind layers of learned behavior, I was left alone until I had a breakdown. And then it become quite obvious how much work it took to maintain "normality".



Sparx
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02 Mar 2012, 12:48 pm

My mom got mad at me all too often, but she had problems back then.



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02 Mar 2012, 5:43 pm

My parents just concentrated on my grades. I was really slow at learning my times tables, so they made me learn them in the evenings and then tested me at home every night.
They pushed me to do social stuff (like go to restaurants or discos or sleepovers with friends) and then got angry at me when I had panic attacks or found the social situations difficult and they were asked to take me home early.



zzmondo
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05 Mar 2012, 8:43 pm

I was diagnosed when I was about 9 but wasn't told until I had it until I was 15. My parents wanted me to socialize with others in elementary and middle school and tried to push me to socialize then because they were so frustrated with what I did socially at school despite all the issues I had doing so.



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06 Mar 2012, 3:29 am

I was dxed in late 2009.

Last week I talked about this with my mother...

It seems that she still does not know the first things about Autism or AS. She kind of "knows" and ignores it. Even the very analysis from the psychiatrist is dismissed because what do they know? They just talked with me and observed my behavior, they didn't do any real medical test...

(Which is humbug because it's the same with everything else? Like being intersex, having weird hormone levels, being confused about my gender? She just doesn't want to understand it. It's "real facts" vs "good facts"? Even genetics or blood tests can not convince her because these "real facts" conflict with the "good facts" she "knows" (wants to believe) and she does not (want to) know anything about genetics or blood anyway, so it does not exist in her world, so it's not real anyway, unlike the "good facts".)

She hasn't read anything about autism and anything I told/tell her is being discounted as just me making excuses for myself. I think to much of myself, I can not expect other people adapt to me, I need to stop being so "intellectual" and "logical". She actually said that she thinks that my problem is that I think I'm better then other people, that is why I don't participate at parties like everyone else... (that was painful to hear).

I think she just does not want to understand the way AS works? She is convinced that there is nothing wrong with me and don't I dare say otherwise. She is convinced that if I just try a little bit harder... and stop being such a weird snob... that, while it might be a little bit more difficult for me to learn these things, once I get over myself and stop feel making excuses and feeling so sorry for myself, it will become easy for me to participate and I will enjoy myself at parties just like everyone else.

So... my parents where really great in supporting me while I grew up, while I was struggling, and all that.
But... the same time it seems that they can't deal with the reality now I am diagnosed.
And... maybe these things are related? They have had to fight so hard to get me accepted as "normal" that maybe they just are not able anymore to accept that I am actually not "normal" that there really are things that I can't do?

They do have this emotional "thing" about always needing to appear to be doing well, needing to appear to be strong, to never show weakness? And that is great some of the time because it pushes you beyond what you might think you where able to do, it makes you overcome your fears and self-imposed limitations. However this same impuls makes it also very hard to accept that you really are not able to do something, any real limit becomes something to be ashamed of, something to hide, something to ignore?



Rhiannon0828
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06 Mar 2012, 4:32 pm

They do have this emotional "thing" about always needing to appear to be doing well, needing to appear to be strong, to never show weakness? And that is great some of the time because it pushes you beyond what you might think you where able to do, it makes you overcome your fears and self-imposed limitations. However this same impuls makes it also very hard to accept that you really are not able to do something, any real limit becomes something to be ashamed of, something to hide, something to ignore?

This is definetely my dad. He's 77, he's not going to change. I just try to give him the acceptance that I would like and go on with my life. It's sad he isn't different, more supportive, but I have enough other walls to beat my head against. What's funny is I am pretty sure that the AS came from him and his family.


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