Is emotionally connecting with people necessary?

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Cogs
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02 Mar 2012, 11:05 pm

Do people need emotional connections with other people? Does this need differ between AS and NT?

I didnt realise other people had such connections before last year and am wondering if my lack of connection is something I should work on or accept as is?

By emotional connections I am thinking of things such as empathy, love, being able to relate and identify with people etc. I dont have any of this sort of connection with people.



kBillingsley
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02 Mar 2012, 11:17 pm

No empathy? You are blessed. In my opinion connection with others, as it were, is not really important so long as you can fake it or at least give people the satisfaction of emotional identification some other way.



Cogs
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02 Mar 2012, 11:22 pm

kBillingsley wrote:
No empathy? You are blessed. In my opinion connection with others, as it were, is not really important so long as you can fake it or at least give people the satisfaction of emotional identification some other way.


Why blessed?

How do you give people 'satisfication of emotional identification'?



eigerpere
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02 Mar 2012, 11:23 pm

I think having empathy and being able to connect and show it are very different things. I have trouble showing my emotions and trouble identifying what they are sometimes as well. My feelings overwhelm me a great deal and for that reason I try to avoid those things as much as possible. Good luck



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02 Mar 2012, 11:25 pm

Speaking for myself, I don't think it's necessary at least for me. Everybody else on the other hand would probably disagree with me and say yes. :?



Alexender
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02 Mar 2012, 11:25 pm

ASPD is lack of or no empathy

ASD you have empathy but have a hard time showing it.



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02 Mar 2012, 11:53 pm

I don't think you need it; as long as you're a good person and don't intentionally hurt them, you're okay... at least in my mind.

I do think the need differs between the two only when it comes to expectations; I think NT people generally expect it, whereas I don't think every person on the spectrum will.


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TheSunAlsoRises
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03 Mar 2012, 12:26 am

Do people need emotional connections with other people? Does this need differ between AS and NT?

I didnt realise other people had such connections before last year and am wondering if my lack of connection is something I should work on or accept as is?

By emotional connections I am thinking of things such as empathy, love, being able to relate and identify with people etc. I dont have any of this sort of connection with people.


AS is considered a neuro-logical condition that primarily affects social interaction, as a consequence; emotional connections needed to effectively process empathetic responses are disrupted. The average Autist may NOT need the type or degree of emotional connection to others THAT is essential for NTs to remain 'psychologically healthy'. IF theory of mind is TRUE then the Autist's 'self'..... naturally includes 'others' as a combined entity NOT separate from the external self.

Neuro-typicals who lack or do not form emotional connections with others are considered deviant and at a high risk for certain types of psychosises. The average NT needs emotional connections to others in-order to form social relationships and acknowledge others outside of 'self'.

The NT standard is to promote emotional connections as a healthy and essential part of human interaction. YET, what if such interactions cause you pain, distress, or shortens your lifespan ??

I think it depends on an individual's neuro-logical make up as well as other variables.

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03 Mar 2012, 12:47 am

Cogs wrote:
By emotional connections I am thinking of things such as empathy, love, being able to relate and identify with people etc. I dont have any of this sort of connection with people.


without love, empathy, able to relate with people a person would be totally a zombie and very dead body like type.

My mother has this problem actually she was abused badly by my father and she developed this issues of no empathy, no love etc

I remember when i was 8 and half month pregnant she fixed my brothers marriage in other city and started forcibly calling me to attend this wedding though i didnt want to go she was pestering, verbally abusing, calling up my mother in law instigating her against me, i think my mother lacks empathy and understanding of how it effects people

without love imagine how much a person would be dead......my father had no love in him...he used to beat the hell out of me, beating me with sticks, belts, slippers he was dangerous.......and so is a person without love


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kBillingsley
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03 Mar 2012, 12:56 am

Cogs wrote:
kBillingsley wrote:
No empathy? You are blessed. In my opinion connection with others, as it were, is not really important so long as you can fake it or at least give people the satisfaction of emotional identification some other way.


Why blessed?

How do you give people 'satisfication of emotional identification'?


As in, you really could not care less about the emotions of others. I have very limited empathy, but the little residual constantly stops me from acting in my own interests, and forces me to act in those of others instead. In this absence of empathy, you have been bestowed a blessing. Additionally, giving people the satisfaction of emotional identification, simply means saying and doing things that would give the illusion of genuine interest in their emotional state. Simply observe their body language and duplicate it, and if you execute this correctly then congratulations: you have just faked empathy.



Cogs
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03 Mar 2012, 1:28 am

Alexender wrote:
ASPD is lack of or no empathy

My understanding is ASPD is a continous disregard for and violation of the rights of others. I do try to respect others rights.

namaste wrote:
without love, empathy, able to relate with people a person would be totally a zombie and very dead body like type....
without love imagine how much a person would be dead......my father had no love in him...he used to beat the hell out of me, beating me with sticks, belts, slippers he was dangerous.......and so is a person without love

That sounds to me like something more than just not having love etc. I do not love anyone but I do not hurt them either. I think it is possible to still respect others without caring about their feelings. I guess the main motivation would be that I feel better when others are ok with me and others will only be ok with me if I can stick to the standards they have set as to how they expect me to interact with them. I disagree with the deadness as I dont need others to motivate me, inspire me, challenge me, allow me to be interested in things etc.

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:
IF theory of mind is TRUE then the Autist's 'self'..... naturally includes 'others' as a combined entity NOT separate from the external self.

@TheSunAlsoRises your post was very interesting, I hadnt thought about the relationship between theory of mind and emotional connectedness, do you have more on this?

kBillingsley wrote:
As in, you really could not care less about the emotions of others.

I now see where you are coming from and agree with this statement. However I do care on an intellectual level if others feelings will affect me in a tangible way. e.g. If my manager at work gets angry with me that will jeopardise my job, therefore I will do what I am supposed to do to so he doesnt get unhappy and I keep my job. I cant tell how he is feeling without him saying and I dont care about how he feels beyond keeping my job. Same with every other relationship in my life. Honestly I didn't even realise how others felt emotions until last year.

kBillingsley wrote:
Simply observe their body language and duplicate it, and if you execute this correctly then congratulations: you have just faked empathy.

This sounds like a good strategy :)



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03 Mar 2012, 3:48 am

People need some sort of connection with someone to be mentally sane, I think the difference is that ASD people find it hard for various reasons and might give up.


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03 Mar 2012, 4:47 am

Cogs wrote:
Do people need emotional connections with other people? Does this need differ between AS and NT?

I didnt realise other people had such connections before last year and am wondering if my lack of connection is something I should work on or accept as is?

By emotional connections I am thinking of things such as empathy, love, being able to relate and identify with people etc. I dont have any of this sort of connection with people.


It's not necessary. NTs just fake it to seem like good people, to serve their own self interest.

Real empathy is pretty horrible, and like someone else said, you're lucky in a way.



Tom_NUFC
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03 Mar 2012, 4:50 am

I think it's massively important. It used to tear me apart that I couldn't do it. Before knowing I have Aspergers, I was so ashamed about it, because I felt all the emotions but couldn't connect with people. Knowing I have Aspergers was fantastic, because I now know I need to, but can work on it. It's not easy, but I want to do it, and I'm enthusiastic about it. I gave an explanation. So where as I used to bottle it all up and keep it to myself, I now know that I'm not a freak. I have an explanation for people and therefore I can tell people a lit better. NTs will share how they feel in more subtle ways than me, where as I'm blunt and just say it, but the result is the same, it still makes people aware. In fact I've had people say that they like how honest I am about it.



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03 Mar 2012, 5:33 am

Connecting with other people is vital to one's mental health. Without connections, we'd all be totally alienated from the world and go mad.



hanyo
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03 Mar 2012, 7:49 am

I don't need connections with other people.

I've known people that complain about getting bored from staying home and they want to go out and do things and socialize. I rarely get so bored from being at home that I just have to get out and never feel a need to go out for socialization. When I go out to do or get things I hope that no one bothers me.