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auntblabby
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06 Mar 2012, 12:30 am

i'm a hermit but i derive great enjoyment from my bi-monthly aspie meetups. i finally, in the september of my years, get to be around people like myself. if i had this chance when i was younger, i'd be in better shape now, for sure- but better late than never, i suppose. :)



namaste
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06 Mar 2012, 1:19 am

Luska wrote:

The reasons trace back to humanity's evolutionary history, when people needed each other to stay alive. Loneliness doesn't just make people feel unhappy, it actually makes them feel unsafe — mentally and physically. This powerful evolutionary force bound prehistoric people to those they relied on for food, shelter and protection, to help them raise their young and carry on their genetic legacy. Cacioppo surmises that the distress people feel when they drift toward the edges of a group serves as a warning — like physical pain — that they need to reengage or face danger.



About feeling unsafe when lonely is correct i do feel very scared, frightened when alone
but same is the case when i am surrounded by people whether its social gathering, party when they are mocking me, making fun, taunting or bullying me.
So its the same...i walk on the sharp edge of loneliness and social interaction :wall:


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namaste
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06 Mar 2012, 1:23 am

unduki wrote:
People do it. You've heard of hermits. Usually they're crabby hermits, but that might just be for show, to get people to leave them alone.

What's stopping you?
]

Hermits are crazy....what are they out to prove????

They live alone, they survive on berries, they take bath on ice cold water, they sing songs about God whole day, and they feel they have achieved super human feat

Well i can do that too.....any crazy, mentally unstable person can do such things....

we dont have to consider them GOD because they have managed to live in a isolated cave for years...

someday you can check out this movie and see the confusion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rlB5BRAHfM


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nick007
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06 Mar 2012, 2:18 am

I don't think I could ever handle living alone. I'm very dependent partly due to physical disabilities. I do think I could learn a lot if I was in a different environment with someone other than my parents for a while but I don't think I could ever handle living alone. I start developing schizophrenia like symptoms if I am left alone completely by myself after a couple days but I immediately snap out of it when I'm around others again. I also have an extremely high desire for companionship & to take care of someone as best I can so having a partner to live with would be my ideal


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Stargazer43
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06 Mar 2012, 4:23 am

Possible? Yes. Ideal? No. The majority of people, even those with social deficits, do still strongly desire human contact, it's ingrained in our DNA. So while it may be possible, I think the vast vast majority would be unhappy living such a life.



zzmondo
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06 Mar 2012, 12:54 pm

nick007 wrote:
ttqs84 wrote:
okay. but no matter how or when you do interact with others you still won't have friends or lovers because of Autism/Asperger's, how can that be possible? aren't we condemned to be lonely because of our disability? isn't that what they're trying to say? sorry if i'm exaggerating.

You can try looking for friends & a relationship here on WP; I'm looking for both BTW. Other Aspies/autistics might could better relate/sympathize with your AS/autism

Same here I'm looking for friends and relating to people here on WP.



hanyo
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06 Mar 2012, 7:44 pm

"loneliness raises levels of the circulating stress hormone cortisol and blood pressure"

For some people you get the same effect from being around people.

I don't get lonely from being alone. I live with my mother so I do see another person every day but other than that I never feel a need to go out and socialize. I like being alone.

I've know people that get really bothered by having to stay at home and not be around people but I'm not that way at all. I can stay home for several days and it doesn't even bother me.



ttqs84
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09 Mar 2012, 1:36 pm

nick007 wrote:
You can try looking for friends & a relationship here on WP; I'm looking for both BTW. Other Aspies/autistics might could better relate/sympathize with your AS/autism


Not to sound mean or whatever, but isn't our lack of socializing, relating, or sympathizing the main issues for us on the spectrum that's holding us back from building a friendship/relationship? Can we as Aspies really relate to other Aspies? Is that even possible? No offense, but I fail to see how that can work out.


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lostgirl1986
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09 Mar 2012, 1:43 pm

I think it is but no matter how antisocial you really are, you need at least one good friend in your life to talk to.



nick007
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09 Mar 2012, 1:48 pm

ttqs84 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
You can try looking for friends & a relationship here on WP; I'm looking for both BTW. Other Aspies/autistics might could better relate/sympathize with your AS/autism


Not to sound mean or whatever, but isn't our lack of socializing, relating, or sympathizing the main issues for us on the spectrum that's holding us back from building a friendship/relationship? Can we as Aspies really relate to other Aspies? Is that even possible? No offense, but I fail to see how that can work out.

We have problems socializing, relating & sympathizing with NTs because of our Aspie issues that make us different from them. My last girlfriend was an Aspie & I got closer with her than i have with anyone else because she understood me better than anyone else ever has


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i_wanna_blue
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09 Mar 2012, 2:54 pm

ttqs84 wrote:
knowing the fact that no one likes you or don't love you 'cos you're weird, can life be lived with little or no contact with people at all?


given that that's the position i'm in, i guess i'll have to see how long i can stomach it.



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09 Mar 2012, 4:15 pm

Yes it is possible.



ttqs84
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09 Mar 2012, 8:05 pm

lostgirl1986 wrote:
I think it is but no matter how antisocial you really are, you need at least one good friend in your life to talk to.


i currently study in South America where women are expected to be beautiful (naturally or fake), prissy, domestic, undereducated, weak, and social above all. i don't meet with any of that criteria 'cos i can't put up with that BS. 3 years since i studied there i haven't had a single friend at all. no matter what country i'm at, i just don't fit in.



ttqs84
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09 Mar 2012, 9:43 pm

nick007 wrote:
We have problems socializing, relating & sympathizing with NTs because of our Aspie issues that make us different from them. My last girlfriend was an Aspie & I got closer with her than i have with anyone else because she understood me better than anyone else ever has


in terms of relationships, i couldn't date a guy on the spectrum due to his lack of emotional and physical connection with women. i can't see that happening either. i honestly i have no idea what you did to get yourself a girlfriend, but it should be fascinating.

you might think it's stupid for me to say this but i'm the kind of person who craves for emotional and physical attention from a boyfriend. the sort of things i know i will never have...ever. not even NT guys can provide them since they only see us Aspie women as ret*d and possibly rape targets. having said that, these likely consequences are among the many reasons why i might live and die alone because of being an Aspie.


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nick007
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09 Mar 2012, 10:31 pm

ttqs84 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
We have problems socializing, relating & sympathizing with NTs because of our Aspie issues that make us different from them. My last girlfriend was an Aspie & I got closer with her than i have with anyone else because she understood me better than anyone else ever has


in terms of relationships, i couldn't date a guy on the spectrum due to his lack of emotional and physical connection with women. i can't see that happening either. i honestly i have no idea what you did to get yourself a girlfriend, but it should be fascinating.

you might think it's stupid for me to say this but i'm the kind of person who craves for emotional and physical attention from a boyfriend. the sort of things i know i will never have...ever. not even NT guys can provide them since they only see us Aspie women as ret*d and possibly rape targets. having said that, these likely consequences are among the many reasons why i might live and die alone because of being an Aspie.

NOT all Aspies are like that. I strongly crave physical & emotional connection with women. I sort of lucked out by getting her. I made a post in L&D section asking about how I could find a companion & Megz replied & said how she was wanting the same stuff. We broke up because she was like an extreme stereotypical Aspie in a relationship & I'm the opposite way. NOT all NT guys see Aspie women that way either. Some NT guys like those Aspie qualities in women because they are different from the normal women. You are different from the stereotypical Aspies with relationships so don't be so quick to assume that other Aspie & NTs cant be different. The stereotypical NT & Aspie guys may be wrong for you but you could try finding someone more unique. For example an NT who has other mental issues like maybe social-anxiety & depression that's being managed might be more accepting of your Aspieness & would like to be closer with you.


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10 Mar 2012, 12:26 am

ttqs84 wrote:
in terms of relationships, i couldn't date a guy on the spectrum due to his lack of emotional and physical connection with women. i can't see that happening either. i honestly i have no idea what you did to get yourself a girlfriend, but it should be fascinating.

you might think it's stupid for me to say this but i'm the kind of person who craves for emotional and physical attention from a boyfriend. the sort of things i know i will never have...ever. not even NT guys can provide them since they only see us Aspie women as ret*d and possibly rape targets. having said that, these likely consequences are among the many reasons why i might live and die alone because of being an Aspie.


If you give up on your craving for being loved emotionally and physically then you will find a partner who can live with you and give you company.
I am married and i like the space my husband gives me he doesnt emotionally interfere with me like my mom, dad and brother did. He also doesnt get too physical which is good for me i dont like too much physical contact.


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