Faking NT

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NTs fake it(engaged in behavior deemed appropriate under the circumstances regardless of how one truly might feel about a given situation) more than Autists IF just for the very simple fact most Autistics can't fake it (engaged in behavior deemed appropriate under the circumstances regardless of how one truly might feel about a given situation) .

This is a part of the socialization process; it has a cultural component and definitely part of the social mind. This is one of the reasons i always question the threads concerning, Who wants to be a NT ? The first time you smile(fake it) as an NT while your mind is in a depressed state will probably send your system into shock depending upon your individual neurology(Autism).

It's going to be some more trade offs.

*just an opinion and should be taken as such

TheSunAlsoRises

I think this is a pretty good statement explaining how aspies need to fake things vs. how NT fake things too. One can easily argue, "well NTs fake things too" well there's the difference.

I could fake it for 8 hours at a time in order to hold down a full time job. I know because I've done it for 3 years in the 90s. I can't fake it for any longer than that. I'm also able to fake it around the people that I don't trust very much. People such as certain members of my generation and people who don't understand the purpose of a special interest. I have to fake it around those people.

I fake being normal all the time. Well, part of my personality IS what I would call ''normal'' by nature, so I don't have to do too much work. All I need to do is not demand too much or not act too hyper or too aloof and complain less and not overreact or do anything else that will cause a scene or freak people out, and then that's about it. I just got to be calmer and cooler when I'm out.

I just can't change the odd things I sometimes say, which annoys me and causes self-hatred.

I find a similarity with immigrants wanting to learn the new culture to fit in and become a westerner, while some immigrants will keep the old ways, and reject their new cultural demographic.
The decision is based on many different things, but things happen because they can. If you are too old to learn you dont.... as your stuck in your ways.

If the nuances and behaviours your considering emulating.......... are ethically disturbing......... you may consider keeping your natural, current manners. I little different for aspies....... as a rule: aspies make awful actors and politicians, real estate salespeople and lawyers. Its much harder for aspies to act than just about anyone else. It requires guile. Which aspies have only in tiny amounts

Capture bonding is more easily expressed in females than males, and females will emulate and bond with their captors better than males, and thus increase their survival, breeding, and levels of happiness

Going with the flow, rather than brushing someone up the wrong way......... has a daoist principle at play.....harmony is to be cherished for good health.

Its good to learn to get a long with those around you, it can make life much easier if poisoned arrows from others are not forthcoming, as you have learnt the way of the peaceful warrior.

A real danger is that inept aspies who are trying to fake NT get caught out..... and are then bullied for not staying in their ostracised place

If your really an 'aspie' you will always appear to have apparent difficulties to observers. If you appear to have no difficulties, you probably dont, and are not that much of an aspie after all

It's that people here act like NTs don't ever fake it and they just naturally feel a certain way and don't ever have those things. But the truth is they also fake it so I suppose they are also faking being NT.

I don't consider that I "fake" it. For me it's a matter of keeping my internal filter on, the internal filter I otherwise lack. And it becomes very hard for me to fight what I want to say. I have to bite down my tongue a lot. I have had consequences of what has happened when I don't keep my filter on. Like recently I had a group carpool for a field trip. Now I was in this guys car before the field trip and he makes a joke, "if I had known I would have had guess I would have cleaned it up"

When we were dealing with carpool and what people he was picking up, I wanted to say, "Now that you know you are going to have guess, you're going to clean your van" But I bit my tongue so hard to not say it. It was not fun either biting down so easily. I fought so hard not to say it.

But I was utterely disgusted by his van the first time I was in it. Have you ever seen so much junk that you feel your personal space is being invaded by objects? That's how disgusting it was, and his home was worse. And I had to fight myself to not say anything. Like when I walked into his house I wanted to say, "Guess you didn't know you were going to have guest at your house either or else you'd clean it" But I didn't.

I don't consider what I am doing faking it, it's just keeping all my thoughts more internal than external.

I'd say it's more of the second option you proposed. That's what I do, at least. I only talk to people I know and I get on their nerves as well, so I only stop talking when it gets too much.


I would really love to be able to just... work. ^^ But it never works out. The real problem is that "normal" people still will frown at me, or whatever. I don't know how to deal with that.


Yeah, I think that's the main problem. No one's "allowed" to be themselves. But it's rules we could actually change. Yet many seem to accept it as a given thing, you know, faking their whole life. I'm still working this out for myself. ^^

Seriously, how can an aspie be caught faking? Thanks, in all seriousness this has actually amused me as I imagined being forced to take The mind in the eyes test, while my colleagues stand there with pitch forks.

Jason

Uh get caught in their contradiction? Plus I hear people can tell they are lying. Like someone can ask me what do I think of their new dress and right away my reaction is it's so ugly and it looks horrible on them but instead I say "Good, it's so lovely and looks good on you" and right away they know I didn't like the dress and they knew I was lying. I think that is what he meant by aspies get caught in pretending. Maybe I had a reaction on my face, maybe my facial expression gave it away and I contradicted it with my answer but they still knew I was lying thanks to the facial expression.

Note: this never happened, this was just an example of how an aspie can get caught.

Last edited by League_Girl on 18 Mar 2012, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thanks League_Girl

I find they even 'fake it' on social networking sites. People talk differently to me than when I see them with other people or when they're posting on Facebook. People are just themselves around me because I'm just myself because that's all I know.

When I recently moved from home and my mum visited she put on this awkwardness and nervous joking she does with her other kids and I told her not to do that because she was the closest I've ever been to someone and didn't want to lose that.

I have a niece that is gifted who struggles with faking it too. Every time I see her and talk to her either one on one or with a few others she is just herself. She does put on a show for her little little nieces though.

All I'm thinking about is how much some morsel of food will affect me or when I should eat, or if I should put on some sunglasses. Sensory issues stuff and hypoglycaemia. But most of the time I'm just looking at all the stimulation before my eyes and having absolutely no thought in my mind about my social issues. If I give an answer I wish was different or longer I'll get a bit regretful, but it's nothing more than that.

I do have some manners though and sometimes will just keep quiet so I don't offend people. But as I'm always thinking about my symptoms I find it very hard to fake it. Most times I just forget about them until they kick me in the a**.

I don't really want to be like anyone else or make more friends than I have now. I have one.

It is easier for NTs to fake something other than themselves, because they know what they have more a clue of what they are faking, what they are supposed to be faking, why they are faking that, what they want others to think from the faking, what others are thinking from the faking, how or whether others are responding to the faking, how they should modulate the faking to bester receive the desired response from others, etc etc etc. This kind of faking is normal for NTs, who can wear different personas for different people and different situations.

I don't think that most autistic people have achieved this level of faking by conscious application. It is difficult for some even to do the basics of greetings to give first impression of being NT. I have to rehearse all my greetings in my head before I eggsecute them. I can't do it when I am surprised by someone's greeting and not had time to rehearse my greeting.

I fake it 24/7, even in front of my own parents who know each and every one of my "quirks". I HAVE to fake it to the best of my ability in front of them, but my aspergers beings to show when my mom and I argue because my emotions get the best of me. And sometimes with my friend I start to act a little quirky, so I have to keep thinking to myself "An NT would say/ do something like that. Why am I?" As exhausting as it is, I've managed to deal with it all.

This is how i see the process on a very base level:

(1)Non-Autistic (using typical socialization skills)----> transitioning to---->Non-Autistic (using multiple characterizations toward social conformity and desirability depending upon circumstances) Fluid Socialization

(2)Autistic (using atypical socialization skills)----> transitioning to----> Psuedo-Non-Autistic (using one main characterization toward social conformity and desirability) Static Socialization

*Non-Autistic=NT


TheSunAlsoRises

And even more basic than above:

Autistic imitating NT behaviors without any internal characterization, just imitating without knowing why to appear externally similar to others. This never works to fool anyone. There is always a noticeable delay. Also, what is social conformity or desirability is not necessarily known at this more rudimentary level of faking. It must be what the other people are all doing at the same time for whatever reason.