Would you rather be a naive but kind and decent person

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Like MOST aspies?


Or an understanding but jerky person?

Like some "normal" people.



Mafia leaders have so much respect, they are in charge of a bunch of people.

They don't have to kill anyone or go out of their way, they just give orders.


But they are bad people and do bad things.

They're not the homeless loser type.
Women are attracted to them.


Obviously I understand there are intuitive though very kind and helpful people as well.

If those were my only choices, I'd go with c) Hang myself. My inclination upon meeting a person is usually to be friendly and respectful, but I have ALWAYS wanted that same respect in return. Frankly, I can't like anyone I don't respect, and someone who doesn't respect me isn't my friend. Sure, a crime boss commands respect and gets all the women, but that respect is from unrespectable people, common criminals, so it's not worth as much.

I'd much rather be a naive, kind, and gentle person. This tells the world that even if its hard for me, I'd rather trust you than not, that I believe being hurtful towards others is wrong, and that even if I don't always achieve it (being the blunt, to-the-point person that I am) I want to be as gentle with and considerate of others as I want them to be towards me. Any benefits that I could get from being a mean, hateful, manipulative person would not be worth having.

Even if this leaves you wide open to abuse?

Neither of those character types you posit in your OP are good, muslimmetalhead.

And if their orders are not followed someone you love is killed or beaten. Why else would someone always follow orders?

Exactly, that's the point.

I knew this question was coming But yes. Because if someone abuses me, that says something negative about them, not me. And given a choice, I would only choose to be naive if my only other alternative was to be mistrustful and manipulative. I've tried that, because I didn't want to seem like a doormat, and I didn't like it. I'm working on some middle ground. I'm pretty naturally inclined toward naivete, though, so I may be doomed. It often doesn't occur to me that people can lie to me or mislead me for their own ends.

I'm not necessarily saying that - but I'm more on about people asking you to do things you don't want to do and not being able to stand up for yourself and be your own person. It helps to recognise manipulative tactics and people so that you can avoid them so you don't end up being used and then simply discarded.

Oh, I've been used and discarded due to my naivete. It took me a long time to figure out what was happening. I try to be more cautious now, but as I said before, I'm a bit naive by nature. I think it's part of why I played so cold and hard when I was younger; pushing people away protected me. And I've always had very strong feelings on what is okay and what is not okay with me. I can be very stubborn. So someone has to be pretty artfully manipulative for me not to stand up for myself. Unfortunately, I tend to surround myself with smart people, and many of them can be manipulative. It also doesn't help that I truly don't think about people trying to manipulate me; unless someone is really blatent about it, I just don't see it because I would never do it myself.

Wait. "neither are good"

Are you saying I'm not a good person because I'm naive kind and gentle? Wow. Thanks. Jerk.

Whoosh!

No, that's not what I meant at all. I meant that neither are necessarily good personality types. If one is considered naive, kind and gentle often means you will get taken advantage of by others, and the other one is not nice because you end up hurting and taking advantage of others for your own gain. The first type of person often is a lovely person, but their meekness, gullibility and eagerness to please is often used against them and people who are like this often end up being and feeling used.

Oh. *blush* OK. Sorry about the jerk comment. I tend to misunderstand people... All the freaking time. I'm not gullible though - I'm just too trusting. There's a difference. an I'm definitely not meek or eager to pl- ok I'm not meek, but I do like making people happy. I still put myself before others though. Although one of my friends told me in the best person she knows. ^_^ cause I'm open minded and don't judge, and I always try to be nice.

It's a false dichotomy. In a sense I'm naive, it's what allowed me to understand people so well. That's how it works. Naivety is the only way sane people learn about the world. The opposite of naive isn't understanding, it's defensive.

I'd rather be an understanding person who is kind and a decent person. Neither of those options suit my opinion well.

Ah, but that is why this was a good question.

I would love for everyone to be a kind and understanding person.

But it just isn't that way.

The poll was about who got more respect, now who would I rather be. In that case, the jerk will get more respect than the naive guy, in most of the cases.

I used to be a kind, gentle and naive person. And it left. me open to people taking advantage of me, sometimes without knowing about it because of naivety, and sometimes when knowing about it because of gentleness. That's not a good spot to be in.

Now I changed. I can't say I've found the sweet spot yet, sometimes I act too defensively, especially with strangers. And gentle, helping myself with a dictionary, means: Considerate or kindly in disposition; amiable and tender. It's ok to be that with people you know well, but otherwise I act cold rather than pleasing with people I don't know, until I know more about their intentions. Yes, it doesn't help me when it comes to socializing, but it's the lesser of two evils, and I can always rely on meeting someone through a mutual friend, who can vouch for him.

And about being a jerk... although I don't consider myself as one, I've consciously become a good bit more selfish than I used to be (very unselfish.) Even though I may make sacrifices for others, it's important to think about myself as well.

It's still a work on progress, but so far it has worked out well for me.