I feel like I am not human and I want to go HOME!

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Humans are so diferent and humans are so irritating! I want to get away from here! We are a different species, I just wish we could be alone!

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I was convinced I was an alien when I was little.

I remember my matrix moment at age 5. Sat in the school canteen, wondering if I was dreaming or in a computer simulation (This was in 1984, so where I got these ideas from I've no idea).. Possibly then I first thought through and had a theory of mind moment, oh those kids must be real, oh they have their own thoughts, i am not the center of the universe, it seemed really odd.

The only glitch in the memory is we were sat on log benches, which is clearly wrong, but that had some link to the thought, I think I must have dreamed about the canteen (with the incorrect details), then had a déjà vu moment the next day, when I thought this through.

It's pretty amazing that nearly 30 years later I can remember that thought process and the memory of the canteen. I was definitely in la la land at a very young age. I can remember so much of this trivia...

Oh yes, I feel alien to, but building on the experience above, it lessened somewhat. It doesn't really matter if I feel like an alien, others can't see that I feel like that.. Others can't see into my mind, to them I'm normal.. So, does it matter so much?

Jason

Yes, I know the feeling well. I don't know just when I first felt that way, but I was very young, and I have felt that way much of the time ever since. I definitely don't feel connected to other people. I am not a misanthrope, but I am not bonded to my own species. It feels unnatural, but I have no way to change it. I also find it difficult to get along with people, because they don't see why I can't be normal, if I only "try" hard enough, and then they get upset because there is nothing for me to latch onto, that I can manipulate into making me fit their norm. I don't have any idea of how to fit their normal, so there is nothing for me to "try". I then get upset with them being upset with me. Fortunately, my life situation improved enough several years ago for me to now live alone. I am much less stressed now, and life is much more peaceful. No offence meant to my family, but I never want to live with others again!

I think you might want to try living alone, if you can manage it, or find another Aspy to live with.

yes. I feel that way every single day.

My earliest memory was of feeling "other" to all those around me. I was 4.5 or 5 years old at the time.

Unfortunately, my ride home crashed in New Mexico some decades ago. And was promptly scooped up by US offcials never to be seen again! LOL
Seriously, I have had these thoughts. And even constructed an entire "Inner World" out of this scenario.

Sincerely,
Matthew

I found that learning more about social thinking helped me feel more at home with NTs.

I have always felt a sense of amusement.


TheSunAlsoRises

Neurotypicals can be HILARIOUS sometimes, but they can also be infuriating. All these social rules--and half of them only cause pain and confusion! If they listened to us, we could help make their lives better, but NO...

But with regards to us being a different species, I understand completely. But I have a different theory--what if WE'RE the people who are supposed to be on this planet, and the Neurotypicals are the invaders? Think about it--the Neuroytpicals don't care about the other living creatures on Earth, and they're destroying the environment, and they don't know how to live efficently on Earth. We, on the other hand, tend to have more of an affinity for non-humans, and we have unique, creative minds that help us to build on what Earth gives us and create wonderous art and make amazing scientific discoveries. They're the crazy alien species...

Let's not exterminate them, though. They're fun to mess with.

It's funny you should mention that. Yes, I would like to live in a world where I wasn't weird or unusual. Just this afternoon I wondered, for the first time, what a world like that would be like. It would be wonderful. All the public spaces and private offices would be sensory-reduced. Nobody would say good morning or shake hands. Nobody would smile unless something was funny. All the social cues that I just don't get no matter how hard I try - they wouldn't exist!

<heavy sigh> However. That's not going to happen. So I'll go back to pretending to be normal.

I think the main reason for this is that the norm has decided for human beings to act unnatural, i.e. different to how they'd act naturally. Which causes a lot of mental illnesses, I guess. I think that's mainly the fault of the modern world. "Civilization" is not a nice place to be for many people.

I'm an elf. I identified more with the elves in the LOTR books than I ever have with any humans. So, I started thinking of myself in those terms (but didn't say it out loud), and a few years later stumbled across the Otherkin community, basically a community of people who identify as something other than human.

Reinforcing my feelings of elvenhood, when I met up with other elves from an otherkin forum, it was like we'd been friends our whole lives. We could think in the same terms, practically read each other's minds. Something would happen and we'd just look at each other and laugh because we'd all thought of the same joke at once. That NEVER happens with anyone (except my mom, but she's special).

There was a supreme court decision that ruled that there is no scientific, verifiable basis for racial identity. Therefore, I can be an elf if I want to. I even put it on the census form