A thought

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How serious are these things we call "relationships"?

For the past couple days, I have been turning over a snippet of conversation I overheard in my gym class, trying to analyze it for the deeper truths it holds about humanity.

A NT girl asked her girlfriend whether she remembered the time she went out with a certain guy whose name I do not recall. In response, the girlfriend said, and I paraphrase, "When did I go out with him? I don't remember going out with him!"

I find it amazing that we take relationships so seriously in our culture yet this NT girl forgets whom she has had a relationship with. I don't know... perhaps she has dated far too many boys in the past few weeks to remember anything that has happened any more than two months ago? Thet could be the case in our hypersocial world...

Pardon the sarcasm.

Seeing everyone complain about a love life (or lack thereof, in most cases) on this forum, should we really be this desperate for a NT person (or any person, in this case) of the opposite sex when something of this nature might happen in the future?

That's a tough question.

Tim

It depends on what you're "desperate" for... I highly doubt the girl in question was seeking a deep, meaningful relationship, or even that she's mentally mature enough to grasp the concept.

I doubt this girl has any depth in her whatsoever, be it regarding interests, friends or anything... If she'd been a shy, intellectual girl with fulfilling interests in her life (just to give an example...) I don't think she would have replied the same thing to her friend.

Some poeple just spread themselves too thin in all aspects of life, and others concentrate all their peanut butter on one piece of bread. How's that for a metaphor!! !

I think however, that we all need companionship, no matter how Aspie or NT we are... The quality of the relationship depends on the quality of the attention you give it.

Well, NewTs will be NewTs ! !! They tell themselves that it's a good idea to have lots and lots of relationships, but these "relationships" are little more than alley cats getting it on. Weird.
They convince themselves that they should always have a BF or GF in their hip pocket while dating someone else, like people are aspirin ???! ! Sick.
I much prefer the way we Aspies approach these things. Intimacy is to be savored.
How can it be intimate if yew do it on the first date with somebody yew don't even really know ???????

Bob Marley said it better: "No Woman, No Cry"

I would say it's a cultural issue more than anything that dictates that behavior. Considering the NT materialism environment, I honestly feel sometimes that both sex have a tendency to see their attracted other as a material asset, more than a human being. This would explain why people can be so cruel and think little of others regarding current or past relationships. Although to be fair, I could factor in the fact that it's partly attributed to an instinctive impulse originating from our ancestor times where relationship were crude and simple.

To be honest, I find the whole social structure of western NT culture as disgusting because it's a demeaning system where primitive cavemen tactics are basically being modernized and use to fight your way to the top. I can't comment on other cultures because I haven't had enough real experience to be a judge of them.

Hey, the vast majority (I'd say about 95%) of people don't develop an understanding of a real relationship until the age of at least 18, often older than this. Some people never develop it. As far as it goes for the majority of teenagers, relationships are a kind of game; the person who has more relationships is seen as being superior to someone who has had less.

I still watch this happen in real life all the time. In fact, a few weeks ago a girl in my H/S Literature class tried asking me on a date, but when I explained to her that it wasn't going to happen because 1) I'm already in a relationship and 2) I'm gay, she persisted, which led me to eventually asking her what she actually wanted from me. What she said was pretty much that she wanted someone to date for a few weeks and to have sex with. I had to spend yet another 15 minutes explaining that I wasn't going to betray my boyfriend so I can give her something to giggle and gossip about with her friends in a couple of weeks, and that I just didn't have any intentions on dating a girl, anyway.

Another thing which I don't understand is that often, when I'm asked by someone around my age how long I've been dating my boyfriend for now and I tell them that it's nearly a year now, the most common reaction is "wow!" and sometimes including "That's a long time!"

Basically, most teenagers are shallow, simply because they haven't matured enough to understand a meaningful and committed relationship yet.

It depends on the situation.

Too right..

My NT girlfriend is weird to me, sometimes she can't show me feeling even when I'm insecure or need it..

HOWEVER she is VERY loyal after we went through all the trials and tribulations, her and I both made huge mistakes in the past, but I can trust her completely.. We simply had a lot of growing to do..

Yes its still hard for me, but also its very rewarding, the times she can show me how she feels are wonderful, makes it worth the obsessive unsurety every other day.

Hardest part of all to learn is how to get back on track with my focus and my music, without forgetting to ring her etc.


THEREFORE it is possible that NT girls DO NOT sleep with a different guy each week, thats a cultural thing not a NT thing.

Relationships are a sophisticated and discreet form of prostitution, and perhaps a little more indirect. We spend money on women, take them to dinner, get them gifts, all in order to sway them into spending a night of passion with us. And let's face it, that';s all alot of guys are interested in. So why not just spend money on a prostitute? Well, a couple of reasons. Eventually, the sex becomes relatively free as the relationship builds. Also, the men get an ego boost at being able to successfully bed a woman, and attract someone - with prositiution it's all fake. Relationships are a game and love is a tool. Play and use wisely my children.

People go through different phases, some of which are related to age. Of course there are very mature young people & very immature old people. In general (individual experience varies), people have many brief superficial relationships when younger & a few longer deeper relationships as they get older.
In elementary school, "going with" someone was mostly just words. In high school, there was greater range of levels of seriousness (amongst my peers). I had no social life until college-then I "made up for lost time", as the saying goes. In my 30's now (had a husband for a few years) & am satisfied with current long-term relationship. Glad I experimented & had variety of experiences in the past-don't feel I missed out on "being wild".
My parents married w/o having had many other relationships beforehand. They divorced after 11 years & my father remarried but now that's on the rocks, too. He's in his 60's & is running around with a series of women in their 20's. I chalk this up to a late mid-life crisis, in part caused by his having missed out on behaving this way when he was in his 20's.
Sometimes people aren't ready for certain levels of closeness until they're older, other times people can't throw caution to the wind & have fun until they get older.