No touchy!

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(With a nod to The Emperor's New Groove)

Okay, I need some advice.

I hate being touched. I make exceptions for family members and close friends, but even there we're talking a handful of people, all of whom I have known for a very long time and with whom I have a close bond.

One of my co-workers likes to touch me. She and I are in a workgroup together with her as sort of a senior partner and me being the junior. (She's at a higher pay grade, for instance.) And so for day-to-day stuff she is the person I report to. She's also older than I am, with two grown children and a steady boyfriend, so I can rule out any and all connotations of a sexual nature. But she likes to pat me on the shoulder or upper arm when she commends me for doing my job well, or to provide reassurance if I've been particularly busy or if it's been a stressful day. I know she means well, but I still don't like it.

So... how do I get her to stop without hurting her feelings?

BTW, I work in the correspondence department of a local utility company. This is the department that handles inbound written correspondence, be it via postal mail, fax, or e-mail. Some of it we route to other departments (eg., requests to move or cancel service go to Processing, pre-authorized debit applications go to the Cashiers, etc.). Some of it we deal with ourselves (eg, if a customer requests information or wants a written explanation of something). I love my job.

I'm the opposite, i need contact. I'm clingy.

ok this is a tough one, if your younger than her than her touches may be supportive and not of a sexual nature as you say...if you just blurt out..|"dont touch me, i dont like it" she will find this odd.
if you expain to her you have aspergers syndrome and you dont like to be touched as onr of your traits she will understand.....my life at worked changed so much when i came out...people really are helpfull when they know.
if you like your job so much then take the time to explain to her.

I'm the same don't touch me I'm working ect.

Hmm... Well, I don't *know* for certain that I have Asperger's, I merely strongly suspect that I do. Putting that aside, though, my having it is my own business, and it's not something that I'd bring up at work. I talk about my own personal life less than the people around me do about theirs, for instance. Very few of my co-workers know how old I am; most of them think I'm in my 30's when I'm actually 44. So using Asperger's as a reason for not wanting to be touched is, in my mind, revealing too much information about myself.

oooh ok......at least your aware of this.....i dunno how then without really offending someone.......i wish you luck

I'd simply tell her that you have issues with people touching you and that it's nothing even remotely personal.

Diseased has a good suggestion. You do not even have to mention AS or anything relating. Just be honest with her and gently let her know that being touched while you are working distracts you from what you're doing and that it bothers you. People don't like to be touched for a variety of different reasons.

Don't even think about doing something stupid that could get you fired. Try to hold your ground and logically explain, though don't get offensive or aggressive, even with words.

Learn to put up with it. My experience is that if you say ANYTHING the least bit out of the ordinary realm, it can and will be used against you at a later date (Like when they terminate your contract). That said, I'd watch to see if she does this to others. Maybe that's just her 'style'. I'd also watch to see if she does this when others are around, or only when it's the two of you. It's an old school intimidation trick, she can pat you on the shoulder like yer a good doggy, but WATCH OUT if you ever try to return the favor ! !! !! !! !!



If she's the boss, let her grope you all she wants, as long as she gives you good reviews.

I don't say anything when my coworkers touch me. The touch is almost always very brief, so it's simply not worth making a big deal about, in my opinion. However, I do show how I feel about it with my facial expressions. If someone touches me and I don't mind, I simply respond to whatever they said while they touched me. If that person is an attractive girl, and I'm in a flirty mood, I usually say "hey, that's sexual harassment" in a joking voice. If someone touches me, and I prefer that they didn't, I just keep a neutral, semi-comfortable expression, and most people (being NT) usually get the hint.

I don't like being touched except by my girlfriend and my family, and my girlfriend is the only one I let touch me whenever (NOT sexually, but she is the only one I trust that much to let her get away with any touching she wants to do). Other than that, I cringe and back away.

I would talk to her about it--maybe explain that it's a phobia so it doesn't hurt her feelings. The scientific name for it is haptophobia.

Sorry, unrelated, by where abouts in Alberta do you reside?

Prof Pretorius, you are joking aren't you when you say "if she is the boss, let her grope as much as she likes as long as she gives you good reviews". I think this is just terrible and not constructive to the discussion.

I have a friend that liked touching me for awhile (not sexually; it's just she likes doing that). She's really nice, but she noticed that I didn't like being touched nearly as much either. I told her about my Asperger's and so it feels a lot more comfortable to talk to her about such things because I know that she knows about it. I find that the more I was touched, the more my nerves got used to it, and so I can take hugs (for instance) a lot better than before. Of course, the worst are massages (I get a free massage from a race that I do each year); but yet, I've been getting a little more used to being touched on my legs (which, when others touch lightly, is one of the most ticklish spots on my body). Anyways, my point is that maybe if you didn't want to offend her by saying you didn't like being touched, you can go to some special therapy that gets you to like being touched better if you wanted. I don't attend therapy but I know that people do have all kinds of therapies for different kinds of things. I also find that I least like being touched if it's by surprise (like someone just jumping into my presence and hugging the bajeezles out of me lol); I also like touch better if it's deeper pressure touch. I'm incredibly ticklish, and so when someone touches me almost anywhere on my body it tickles, at least when it's not deep pressured. Anyways, I hope that this helps you with your touch sensitivity problem.