My 6 yo responds to positive reinforcement

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but not to compliments i.e. when you say "Caleb, you're doing great with your reading" he acts as though you said nothing. Just wondering- is this typical of an autistic (aspie)? Not an isolated remark to Caleb as I have noticed he does not seem to take pride in things he does well. Hope it is not a low self-esteem issue. Thanks for any input! Paul

That is actually good. It shows that he probably has a growth mindset. Check out this book: http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-P ... 608&sr=8-1

I should add that I'm 43 and still don't know how to react to a compliment.

well its probably good to respond to positive reinforcement...but yeah I have trouble accepting compliments to, its not so much I don't agree or like it its more I don't know what to say or how to respond. Though in my case I have pretty low self esteem, so sometimes it is partially me doubting myself and not believing the compliment. But even when I'm not feeling like that I still have a hard time knowing how to respond.

So it could be one or the other or a combination of both.

It is important to remember that just because he doesn't respond to it doesn't mean it isn't working or that he doesn't care. It might make him happier or understand that you like what he is doing, he might just not see the point in responding.

If you'd like to help him connect the verbal praise to his good work, maybe practice praising while giving him a small reinforcer like a sticker, tickles, hugs, high fives, etc...whatever it is that he enjoys. He will soon link praise means I'm doing well, if he isn't already.

Responding to a compliment is a social nicety that he may not get. It may not occur to him that NT people often respond to comments by saying something like "thanks". It wouldn't hurt to explain that to him. Same could be said for taking pride in things he does well. It just may not be important for him to express his pride in himself verbally. Of course that is just total supposition on my part. Keep giving him specific compliments, e.g. "You did a good job sounding out that hard word." There is a very good chance that he is hearing you and understanding what you are saying but just not responding to it verbally.

How to respond to a compliment, just say "thank you."

You'd think that would be enough but some people get really jacked out of shape if you don't respond how they expect. For example some people give complements in order to get a reciprocal response... When you don't do it they flip their lid "Thank you??? IS THAT IT?"

You are correct that adults do sometimes give compliments as a back-handed way of fishing for one from you. I think that behavior is kind of passive-agressive and I would say that if they get pissed that it is really their problem not yours. That being said, giving and receiving compliements is part of NT conversation and kids can learn that as they get older. I think for the OP, the first step would be to learn to respond in an expected way to the receiving of a compliment.

One thing I ran into was it takes me a minute to know how to respond....so by the time I was getting ready to say thank you or something they would already be yelling at me for being so rude and not saying anything back.

I've got that reaction in the past... mostly from people that are no longer part of my life anymore
If you get that reaction from people that know of your diagnosis - dump them from your life if you can - because they're toxic.

No one including me knew that at the time...I mean as far as I know everyone knew there were odd things about me, but not that it was AS.

It doesn't excuse their immature reaction but they were ignorant of the constraints you were under; I hope you can forgive them.

Those people are the ones with the problem then, not us. I was taught as a child to say thank you to a compliment. No one said anything about saying anything else to a compliment.

I think we sometimes take things too personally because we are in the minority so we assume we are wrong and not them. I agree with what Bombaloo said. Also sometimes people will say negative things about themselves to get a compliment. For example, "I look so ugly." The other person tells them they are not ugly and tells them are great they look and how pretty they are. But this isn't always true of course because people aren't always fishing for compliments when they talk negative about themselves. Some have low self esteem and do truly believe what they say and when you give them a compliment, they think you are telling them that to make them feel better meaning you are lying to them to help them feel better. Just imagine how misunderstood people with low self esteem are.

I think that teaching the kid to say thank you is a good idea. That, or thank you for noticing the work that I'm doing.