Do aspie females seek relationships with aspie males?

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Ladies, do you prefer aspie or NT partner?
Aspie 32%  32%  [ 59 ]
NT 18%  18%  [ 33 ]
I'm male/don't care/show me the results 49%  49%  [ 90 ]
Total votes : 182

billiscool
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27 Jan 2013, 8:50 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
billiscool wrote:
a- there are more nt men than aspie men
b- nt men are more likely to approach all types of women
c- nt men have better social skills than aspie men
d- so therefore, aspie women are more likely going to end up with an nt man than an aspie man.

because aspie men don't approach as much, and have lower social skills. and because aspie women get a approach
by all kinds of men, they don't have to only settle for an aspie man.

Some prefer an aspie man, not settle for one.


yes, you are right. But if only nt men approach them and no aspie men ever does. aspie women would end up with an nt man.
even if they prefer aspie men over nt men.



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27 Jan 2013, 9:41 pm

I voted yest, but it is a bit difficult to answer that question. I tend to be drawn toward men with whom I can relate. Most men I date have AS traits, however, it is fairly clear in the end that most of them lean more toward NT. This turns out to be a bit of a challenge, as I am looking for someone who understands me, and they are looking for someone normal.


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01 Feb 2013, 5:56 am

In my case the hypothesis is true. I was looking for someone who is exactly like me so that we could understand and accept each other. I got married without knowing what Asperger's is. I just knew that I was extremely lucky to find someone who thinks exactly like me in a world where no one understood me.



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01 Feb 2013, 9:47 am

Erisad wrote:
I don't pursue aspies specifically but I do go after the geeky type. :)


Same here. I don't specifically seek out men with aspie traits. But in NT relationships I always felt overwelmed by the amount of time spent socializing and doing familiy stuff. I was fatiqued all the time and spent lots of time in bed after those interactions. In hind sight I can't believe my boyfriends put up with that. My current boyfriend is pretty geeky and I met him at my IT job. He has some aspie traits but he is way better at getting social cues than I am. I still get tired all the time but he is very understanding about that :).


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Rose_in_Winter
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02 Feb 2013, 12:23 am

BanjoGirl wrote:
The aspie girl that wants protection and someone "to lead" her in the social situations will search a strong NT guy, the aspie girl that wants to protect or at least have a partner with similar traits as her and doesn't have the necessity to improve her social skills, will search aspies or introverted NT's.


I fall in between these extremes. When going into a new social situation, I will quiz my strong, extroverted NT husband on appropriate social behavior. I share my thoughts with him ahead of time. I call him my "pocket neurotypical." In that way, he does "lead" me socially.

However, we don't tend to hang out together at social events. He's very extroverted, so moves from group to group or conversation to conversation with ease. I'm more likely to wind up in a situation where a lot of talking isn't required -- playing a board came, card game, or video game, or having one long conversation with one person all evening. (I have learned how to give and take and not monopolize a conversation -- it took a lot of work, but I'm much better at it now.) When we are actually in a social situation, I don't want or need him to lead me. I don't want or need protection, but I do like having him around to give me advice. (Or step on my foot when I'm out of control.) I don't want to protect him, either; I want us to be equals, working together to create a harmonious whole.

I have never dated a fellow Aspie. I have a few Aspie friends, and some of them have been interested in a romantic relationship, but I never returned the interest. I guess I'm drawn to NT guys. My suspicion is that it has to do with my parents and their marriage. They are both introverted NTs -- but my mom does a great job of acting extroverted, while my father has learned to be a good listener. They have a strong, supportive, happy marriage. They are still in love after 42 years of marriage. I am a great deal like my dad, which is fine with me. I think that, knowing how much I am like my father, I sought out someone a great deal like my mother, under the subconscious assumption that the two types guarantee a great marriage. Seems to be working so far!



Tyri0n
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23 Feb 2013, 11:32 pm

Does dating a fellow aspie make you insecure? Or is it just a male thing to feel that way?

I was surprised that so many people voted here that they would prefer another aspie as a partner.



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24 Feb 2013, 8:40 am

The people I have been attracted to are all so different from each other, there is far more involved in attraction than just an NT or spectrum thing.



Webalina
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28 Feb 2013, 10:42 pm

I don't intentionally seek out Aspie males, but I seem to be attracted to them because of what I find attractive in men in general -- very intelligent and well-read, quirky sense of humor, love to get into debates and long discussions about obscure subjects, have something he's passionate about, whether that be a hobby or a cause; someone not interested in parties or barhopping but would rather stay home and watch movies; and I think guys who wear glasses are kind of sexy. So there you go -- the perfect Aspie male.



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19 Aug 2016, 1:11 pm

I don´t care. I would love a person that accept me, but if he is aspie or nt does not mather.



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20 Aug 2016, 2:56 pm

I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn't enjoy sci fi and fantasy books/movies/video games.
That in itself rules out a significant portion of the NT population, and virtually all uber-NT men.



FluttercordAspie93
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11 Sep 2016, 11:19 am

I think it depends on the person, really... Some Aspie females may prefer the company of an NT, while others would like to be understood better by getting together with someone else on the spectrum.

Personally, for me, I feel like I'd do better with an NT man, (although, that's not to say that I don't find some things about Aspie males to be unattractive), it's just that I feel it would be the most beneficial for me. For example, he'd be able to get me out of my shell a lot more often, as well as getting myself to open up to newer things.



lidsmichelle
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11 Sep 2016, 11:23 pm

I voted don't care. I'm currently dating a guy who is also aspies, but I've also dated NT people. I like this guy better, but I also have a more solid starting relationship with him (also... Aquarius/Sagittarius).


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12 Sep 2016, 12:00 am

I would imagine everybody will have their own preferences.


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Clakker
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12 Sep 2016, 12:49 am

I've been a member of at least three autism dating sites and my profiles didn't rise to the occasion. I'm still hoping there's a girlsperger out there for me. Why? I imagine it'll be wonderful not to have to always try to figure her out because she'll tell me who she is and what she wants.


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12 Sep 2016, 4:01 pm

I haven't dated much, but I did date an Aspie male once (dating him was what clued me in to my own Aspie traits). Honestly, and you can call me a hypocrite for this, I didn't like it. He was great at first: super gregarious, childlike, and fun. However, after a while I started to get tired of his own repetitiveness, inability to focus his attention on me when I needed it, and lack of ability to take charge. He wasn't very intellectual, either, which I felt I needed in a man. He also became super clingy, and I need ample time to be alone.

I know every Aspie male is different, and if the chance came again in the future to date another I wouldn't say no, but he specifically was too childish for me. Since I am more childlike myself I felt I needed someone in whom I could take refuge and trust to guide me when I'm not sure what to do (socially, especially). As it stands now, I am dating an NT male, and I love him and trust him very much. He's a smart, technically minded engineer who is very savvy about how things works, and lets me be me.


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12 Sep 2016, 4:08 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn't enjoy sci fi and fantasy books/movies/video games.
That in itself rules out a significant portion of the NT population, and virtually all uber-NT men.



Yeah I'd have a hard time in a relationship with someone not interested at all in those things, the other big one is metal music...a guy who doesn't like it certainly probably wouldn't accompany me to concerts or want to listen to it when we're just hanging out. Luckily I found someone who likes all three of those things.


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