How do you deal with conflict?

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My first option is to walk away. If that doesn't work I sit there, very annoyed or angry, and "listen" to what the other person's saying but refuse to talk about it myself.

I react differently depending on who the person is and the situation itself.

-If its family they will be guilting me/confronting me for something unreasonable/or angry at me.

== guiting or confronting I go silent, they say "real mature" or something and leave me after a time. Angry at me I go red faced and maybe attempt to say something. But often default to blank looks and avoiding eye contact.


For strangers, there's never been any "real" anger so its mostly just let the upset NT finish their speech. When they notice no response they calm down and I make an apology or a positive comment. Usually body language is all I focus on. As people wont pay attention to words when they are upset.

Example- I had this one guy I was helping with computer troubles (on the side job, nothing complex) and I didn't recognize the email. He insisted on a discount, and I said I can't because I charge full price for first timers...

Well he got all upset, and showed up at my house angry. He was blabbing on about something and how I was ripping him off, asked me if I meant to do it. Never really answered his question lol. I just made apologetic gestures with my face and waited it out. Eventually I said, "Ok, sorry about that. I'll go fix it now." Took his computer, gave him a time estimate. And it was over.

He has since been back, and while he isn't overly chatty he seems ok with it. Or maybe he thinks im a silent serial killer. Hmmm. Either way- things work out!

Oh goodness. I hate conflict. I don't know how to deal with it properly. I almost always walk away and go to be alone, because I can't handle it. When people continue to fight with me, I act like my dog... I look away with my head down and start shaking... Or I go off on an emotional rant about whatever the argument is about, usually ending in tears and me telling them to stop talking to me for a minute because otherwise I can't compose myself. The latter usually only happens when I'm in the car with someone and they start something with me. If I can, I leave the situation as quickly as possible. I'm afraid that if I were to stay in a situation like that for too long, I would either have a full on panic attack, or act out in a violent way... and I don't want it to ever get to that point. So when I start feeling like I'm going to explode, I try to get away from what is making me feel like that so things never get out of hand.

I either just shut down or try and escape the situation as fast as possible.

I avoid conflict if at all possible and sometimes have gone overboard. In the past I had a neighbor who yelled at his 5 year old son often and I went overboard and started getting upset at him (the father). I did tell the grandfather of the 5 year old child about my concerns that the child was possibly being abused or yelled at too much. This was a conflict I was not personally involved in but I felt the strong need to speak up for the child and not just stand by while the child is yelled at and possibly being abused.

I shut down or when I attempt to speak up for myself or if I feel I must say something it feels very stressful for me and unnatural. I want to be able to be assertive and mature about situations but it does not come very easy to me.

I try to avoid conflict as much as possible. But when conflict is inevitable, I meet it with anxiety and confidence.

All these posts are about school ground confrontation. What do you do when it's your boss you have the disagreement with.

Usually I let it build up then fashion a polite but to the point email that I then dread the consequences off. As I am at the moment. What do you do with an authority figure that you think is in the wrong?

I'm useless in a face to face I always assume my point is invalid until I have time to analyse it after.

If its family I normally just stand there and look at them funny (unless they are being particularly idiotic, in which I start yelling and possibly try to hit them) because my family is completely unreasonable...

If its people at school, I pick apart their argument one peice at a time, explaining exactly why they are wrong. Since the people I go to school with are all violent savages who would gladly rip me limb from limb, I make sure to stop and run away when they get really mad at my explanation.

If its a teacher or other "authority figure" basically the same as with other students, but I don't worry about being physically hurt.

If its any kind of physical conflict my options are more limited: run, curl into a ball and protect the head and torso, or pass out.

Conflict doesn't bode well with me. Either I get confused and shut down (if it's too much for me) or I my voice gets really high-pitched and 'hysterical' (as my mum calls it) when I try to defend myself (when I feel the conflict is about something unjust).

There only rarely has been a conflict that I was able to solve calmly. Usually when it's not conflict directed at me.

If the confrontation is between or among others, and not involving me, I will disappear. If it's directed at me, I'll try to talk it out, and my first concern is to appease, and only a secondary concern is to enforce my point of view in an argument. I'd rather surrender and let the other person be right; even knowing by fact that I'm right, and end the thing, than escalate it. Once in a RARE while, I'll find the need to enforce (very strongly but fairly), my side of the confrontation, and will not back down, but have never pushed it to the point of a physical fight.

In business for instance, we have some apartments which my wife manages the business on, while I do all the repairs and maintenance. We have a new tenant who is "testing us" in a way, and she has the potential to be difficult and demanding, and is the very entitled type of personality. She started by complaining the day she moved in that the kitchen cabinets weren't cleaned inside to her standards, while I felt that they were fine when I inspected it. In stead of debating, I simply apologized for her dissatisfaction, and went in with a bucket and cleaners and re-did it. Then she was happy with that, and complained that the paint was off-color in the stove vent hood, and at that, I could easily and rightfully just advise her that she saw it when she looked and before she signed the lease, and she will need to live with it, or pay us if she wants it replaced. But in stead, I found it easier for me, to just go buy one and stick it in, which is sort of a fun thing anyway for me, as I like tinkering with stuff like that. So I did, and now we're both happy, and that $100 cost to me, might have averted $1000 in future hassles from her.

Charles