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ainsel
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03 Apr 2012, 3:22 pm

What do you do when someone is crying? I came across a situation today where a friend was crying and I wanted to comfort her but I didn't know how. What sorts of things should a person say? Is a hug appropriate?



WerewolfPoet
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03 Apr 2012, 3:59 pm

You can always ask if they would like a hug. Even if they would not, they would recognize the question in and of itself as a gesture of kindness and appreciate it as such.
While it truly varies for each person and each situation, gestures of kindness are usually appreciated, such as asking them the root of the problem, consoling their fears, if they share any, telling them that "it's going to be okay," even if you have no reason to believe that it is; a good strategy is to bring up something that they find humorous or entertaining to divert their attention from their source of pain. Examples would be bringing up a band or television show that they enjoy: I, personally, am not amazing at humor, though a Google search should yield results on how to make someone laugh (laughter is the best medicine, they say).
No matter how poorly the interaction goes (some people, while crying, will be so upset that any attempt at socialization or comfort by anyone would automatically fail), telling them that you hope that they feel better or that the situation will turn in their favor will often take away a little of their pain, even if they do not show it outwardly.



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03 Apr 2012, 4:51 pm

Well, sometimes they do like a hug, and personally I think it's a good way to comfort an upset person. However, sometimes people just like to be left alone when crying. Unfortunately, I too struggle to know what to do when I see somebody crying.


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lostgirl1986
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03 Apr 2012, 4:56 pm

It's awkward for me as well. If it's about a loss I usually say, "I'm sorry" and just stay with them. I try to imagine how I'd want to be treated if I was in their shoes, how I'd want people to act if I were crying. Mind you, I hate it when people see me cry but I still try to imagine how I'd want to be comforted. I agree that it's awkward though.



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03 Apr 2012, 5:04 pm

Mostly I just leave people alone when they're crying, though I will generally keep an eye on them from a distance to make sure they're OK and then make a point of asking once they've stopped if I can help: "I noticed you were upset earlier. Is there anything I can do to help?"

I have no idea what to actually do to comfort someone when they're actually crying and feel so awkward that leaving it until they have stopped is generally better all round.

Oh, sometimes I do offer them a tissue. That always seems to produce a little smile on their part.


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Aharon
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03 Apr 2012, 5:55 pm

I remember many moments like this, where we were visiting relatives for the holidays and the house is wall to wall with people and some little kid is running around and falls down and starts crying, and I just stand there not knowing what to do and then someone half my age would swoop in an pick them up and go awwwww, and hug them, and then I'd always feel like a douche, and I can't count how many times that scene has happened over and over in my life.


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03 Apr 2012, 6:00 pm

I comfort the person and ask them if they'd like a hug. That's how I'd like to be treated if I was crying.


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