Could you help me out of my NT suit for a moment? Thanks.

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Not visited this, my home planet, for a while but recently felt the need to get my NT suit off and 'be myself'. So, Wrong Planet is the right planet for me at the moment.

The job I was doing until recently has come to an end. No fault of my own, the money ran out so I am now unemployed for the first time in over 20 years. I have had periods of time in which I did not work, but was on sickness benefit rather than unemployment payments (I will explain to non UK citizens if you ask!) Anyway, the result of this is that I am now looking for work as an 'able bodied person'.

I know that I need to work part-time. I have a couple of medical labels - namely fibromyalgia and depression - that I could wheel out to support this knowledge. However, despite my lack of formal diagnosis, my fairly recent realisation that I am Aspie is the real reason why I know I could not survive the working world for a full 37 hours a week. It would wear me out!

I don't doubt that many of you know what I mean. I have come to understand it with this metaphor. In order to function in a primarily NT world, I need to put my NT suit on. It has the effect of dampening my more overtly Aspie traits, which would offend and/or confuse the more typical of NT, and also of enabling me to communicate in NT body and verbal language. Trouble is, working in an NT suit is tiring. The NTs don't get this of course, cos they are working in their own skin, as it were. For me, and people like me, it is akin to doing fiddly tasks whilst wearing thick gloves. Aaarrgh!

Thankfully, in my time, I have managed to work with in jobs that have had only limited hours and/or been amongst some colleagues with whom I have become comfortable enough to at least lift the visor and/or take one of the gloves off. Trouble is, I know that any new job I get will require me to be fully NT suited - at least to start with whilst I get the measure of people.

Now, before the more militant of you start yelling at me not to compromise or dumb down, let me explain why I do this. Firstly, it is NOT because I feel inferior and want to hide because I am ashamed of myself. This may have been the case in the past, but I have become (am becoming?) wise enough to know that I am different, not worse. Equally, that means that NT people are no worse, either. I may not understand them but they surely do not understand me. As the 'minority' in this case, it is incumbent on me to make the effort modify my way of doing things such that I can work side by side with others. Simple as that.

The reality is, if the majority of people in this world were on the Autistic Spectrum, it would be the NT population who would need to make more of an effort. They would need the chat rooms and support groups (more likely in real life than online, given NT social tendencies!) and we Aspies would need to make allowances for them (tho we would not have a label, we would just be 'normal'!)

So, yes, it is exceptionally tiring to have to 'get my NT on', especially in uber-NT environments. However, I have met and learned to trust some lovely people (NT and not-so NT!) as a result. The majority of my work has been within the charitable sector, which does attract people of more - erm - integrity, I guess. Generally speaking, anyway.

So, I desire the meaningful activity and - yes - a certain amount of social interaction that a job can give. As well as needing to pay the bills, of course! The thing is, I have parameters I need to work within when considering applying for posts, some of which I could not readily explain. Nor would I want to have to. Makes the whole thing more complex that it would be for most people, I guess, and I am not sure I have the energy to tackle the continued round of application, interview, rejection that has already started to happen.

In all honesty, I want to work for myself. I would love to set up a social enterprise and am even looking into doing so but, given the nature of these things, it will take time. I would also like to earn some money out of writing. I have a number of fiction and non-fiction ideas sloshing about in my head, but my rational side tells me to use my resources to apply for jobs to get those darned bills paid.

And, yes, I have spent much of this precious time writing this post! Thanks to anyone who has had the patience to read this far. Any comments would be much appreciated; helpful, friendly or just downright silly! Thanks guys. Am off to put my NT suit on and get going on yet another job application. Wish me luck!

Thanks