People invade my physical and emotional space

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oldsk00l90
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11 Apr 2012, 6:07 pm

It seems that as I get older, the prospect of someone stopping to make small talk with me causes a certain sense of violation within me. I don't exactly like small talk or being smiled at, unless it is someone that I have known for a while. When I go into work, I often dread that fact that many people will ask me how I'm doing or make another similar comment to me. I answer them, although it often takes a great deal of effort.
I have always hated having attention drawn to me and it is not uncommon of me to even go out of my way to avoid running into people I know just to evade being stopped. Is there any way that I can overcome this or can it bring it up to those around me without sounding rude and calloused?



Ann2011
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11 Apr 2012, 9:26 pm

I don't think there's much you can do to stop it. Small talk is a form of social preening that people do - I'm not sure why, but they do. And it seems to be important. I feel violation too - like they want me to put on some sort of act. I wish they'd just leave me to my job. If I have something to say, I'll say it.
In the meantime, I usually have stock small talk in mind before I go into work. Like the weather, a holiday, or something someone mentioned they would be doing. It all just seems so artificial. I feel like I'm losing myself sometimes.



NicoleG
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18 Apr 2012, 12:59 pm

The more I don't want someone to do small talk with me, the more it aggravates me when it occurs. If I stop hoping that they will not talk with me, and just accept that they are more likely to talk with me than not (especially here where I live where "southern hospitality" is still the norm), then the more prepared I am to deal with it nicely in the moment. I just grin and bare it, and I've learned how to nicely end the communication if it just seems to be going and going because the other person is a chatty-cathy.



AScomposer13413
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18 Apr 2012, 6:11 pm

This used to happen more to me when I was younger, and I got a lot of ridicule from the other kids because of it. I would have thought since the people who teased me had really good non-verbal skills, they'd be able to read me and recognize when things got too much for me, but apparently not :? The funny about it, though, was that when the scenario was ever in the reverse (probably in an instance where I was lashing out at the scenario above), I got mocked for missing the cues. Confusing, really :?