Anyone been in this situation? Advice?

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Even though I don't know for sure this is huge for me! To have someone, who is a professional, telling me that I haven't been imagining things feels great! She said it's definitely worth looking into and that I should see someone about it.

Thought you should know.

Maybe you're reading too much about various "conditions" and not doing enough to get in touch with yourself and what you're feeling and experiencing. Has something happened to bring you to question what's going on with you?

I felt not-normal all my life. But it was a particular crisis and my reaction to it that sent me in search of what was going on. I came across the term "meltdown" and felt that perfectly described various scenarios in my life. I started reading more, came across an AS description, rejected it. Later came across a description of Aspergers in females and realized that was it.

I've read a lot more since then and I'm pretty firm in my self-diagnosis, and relieved because now I feel that I have an explanation (finally now that I'm past 50) for this feeling of abnormality I've had all my life. I'm not really interested in a professional diagnosis - and couldn't afford to pursue one even if I was. But having done a lot of self-examination and going through childhood memories as well as looking at my own reactions to circumstances, I am certain the answer is Aspergers.

Is there some reason you're so anxious to know this? Do you think it will really change anything? Has something happened that makes you feel it's imperative to know right now?

It helps to have that confirmation that something is there, and it helps so many things begin to make sense and coalesce into a sensible pattern, though. It's kind of a relief.

Exactly. Also, now I don't have to wear my "social masks" when meeting my boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend. Not that I've been acting like someone else but I always feel like I've needed to keep myself from doing certain things. Now I don't need to hide that. Do you know what I mean?

I believe I do know what you mean. Lots of people have described similar. I've done similar, although not so much anymore. I am not sure it helped all that much because I wasn't aware of all the possible things I could mask in the first place.

Yeah, I knew I was doing some fronting a lot of the time (like, I tried to really get the idea of "expressions of sympathy and compassion" down for some reason, and those are actually really hard a lot of the time). Anyway, I was talking to an acquaintance I've known online for the past four years, and he said he kind of figured I was on the spectrum because I would take his jokes literally and because of the way I would say things or ask questions.

An autistic woman I have interacted with via blogs and e-mail told me I had a way of writing that she pretty much only saw in a certain subset of autistic people.

Someone I chatted with frequently who is also diagnosed with AS, said that they figured I was on the spectrum all along because of the way I phrase things - like I prefer concrete over abstract, for example.

I told my mother, and she said one of her ex-husband's friends told her that I was probably autistic when I was 10 or 11.

All of these were really validating because it meant I wasn't just imagining things.

I wasn't even aware that I take jokes literally. I've always know I don't really understand jokes, but I didn't know I take a lot of them literally. So when she told me yesterday that I do, I asked my boyfriend if he's noticed that as well. He said yes.

What do you mean by "I had a way of writing that she pretty much only saw in a certain subset of autistic people"? I mean, what way of writing is that?

I don't know what it was that triggered all of this. I mean, I've felt abnormal my whole life and I guess I've just been searching for an explanation. A couple of years ago I heard about AS and I felt that it was somewhat of a description of myself. Not all of it, but a lot of it. The reason I'm so anxious to know is because I want to be able to understand myself and I want others to be able to understand me as well. Also, I want to learn how to handle certain situations which I just don't know how to handle right now. So for me, knowing/getting a diagnosis would change a lot. I'd be able to accept myself and not just ponder this whole thing all the time but I could actually do something about it. I don't know if that makes sense?

Well that makes sense. I remember - in fact I just recalled this the other day - that when I was about 22 I went through a period of really looking at my life and myself and trying to figure out what was going on, why I'd always felt so different. I didn't hear about Aspergers at that time, in fact didn't learn what it was until my 50s, but I got a lot out of that period of self-assessment, intensive journaling and just looking inward. Maybe it's something everyone does at that time of life, and if we have differences than the average person, it's a time to look at those differences. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. I don't have a professional diagnosis, so I can't offer advice as to how to get one, but I wish you all the best. I did get a kind of validation from some of the online tests, which show that I'm from borderline to moderately on the spectrum. I know those aren't conclusive, but I tend to doubt my own self-evaluation, so even those surprised me as showing I might be looking in the right direction after all.

I also have an acquaintance, a mother of an Aspie boy, who once suggested my SO and I take some of the online tests. I didn't at the time get it, what she was even talking about. I only recalled the conversation after I started seriously looking at Aspergers. She not only has a child with it, she assists in the special needs class that he attends so she sees others on the spectrum as well. So I guess she saw something in me that fit. My SO tests as Aspie as well, and I can see it clearly in him after all my reading. It really has been an eye opener.